Working Mum - Opinions please

Can I also drum up some interest in my chat thread?
As a mother I do feel as though I am not expected to have any ambition other than to do the bare minimum, work as few hours as possible as spend as much time as possible at home viewing precious moments.

Perhaps the majority of other mums you meet have this opinion because they have decided that being a SAHM is what they want, and they can't quite understand why anyone else would feel differently.

They've done what's right for them, and now it's time for you to do what's right for you.

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Yesterday 07:27Felascloak

Ah just ignore them. It's amazing how much society likes women to be martyrs to motherhood."

Martyrs to motherhood sums it up perfectly!

you are doing fine, op. Well done!

I've had people flat out tell me it's a bad idea to become a lawyer because I'd never be around and who would raise the kids. Some friends really don't get why I would want to work, full stop. They sort of tilt their heads and look at me with this dough eyed expression like I'm insane

I think you need new friends and a different social circle. I'm a solicitor and worked full time since my son was 2 months. I've never experienced this ; if anything it was assumed I would work.

So far as being a lawyer I would say it's far harder now than when I did my traineeship in the early 80s as there are more universities churning out more law graduates than the profession needs. I'm good at what I do and am recognised in my niche sector but my degree and cv if I were applying for a traineeship now would not get a look in.

I went back to work after 9 months' maternity leave with both kids, so about 7.5-8 months old. The nursery years were OK because the other parents had busy jobs, but the sheer level of judgementalism and persistent questioning of my choices by other (part-time/SAH) mothers once DS1 started primary school was really fucking wearing. I found myself gravitating towards the Dads at kids' parties because it never came up/was a non-issue.

I even had a long-standing (SAHM) friend say to my face "I don't know why people have babies and then go back to work" to which I replied "why don't you ask Bob?" Of course she meant women, not men like Bob (not his real name), her husband.

If they were really persistent, I'd point out that their daughters need women like me to pursue their careers post-kids or else their daughters will be consigned to "unimportant" "pin money" jobs like our mothers, grandmothers and great-grandmothers were because it's not worth developing, educating and promoting girls because they throw the towel in when they have kids. I mean talk about pulling the drawbridge up behind you - those women fought to give us choice. Choices which should be respected, even if they are not the same ones we'd make for ourselves. For the record, I have NEVER been rude enough to question another woman's parenting choices.

You get this whatever you choose to do as a mum. Work full time and you are abandoning your kids. SAHM and you are freeloading. Part time and you are too lazy / disorganised to manage being a parent whilst working 'properly'.

Feminism is about choices. Make your choice and enjoy it. Children benefit from happy, fulfilled parents.
I am knackered some evenings but my kids love hearing 'interesting' stories about my job. I think, I hope they are proud of me.
Other people make their own decisions and they have to live with that. I hate it when people try to make you responsible for their decisions. They have chosen not to work. Lovley. You have chosen to work. Lovely.

It really saddens me that this is still an issue in this day and age. Lots of mums work, either because they want to or because they have to. Cut the negative people out of your life and focus on your dreams, you deserve it, and I think you will be a great example to your kids!

debuk.wordpress.com/2016/09/12/the-amazing-disappearing-women/

When 'women' become 'people' - good examples above. Food for thought. Thanks Buffy.

Head tilt back at them and say 'As a lone parent would you prefer I live off benefits for the rest of my life?' Can't believe anyone is criticising you for wanting to provide your family with a better standard of living. Find some better friends.

Working makes me a better parent, being at home on maternity leave made me go a little bit crazy. DD2's topic at school is 'Heros' and she told her teacher I was her hero because I made drugs that made people better (I work in Pharms). Your kids will be fine, they'll be with people who love them and you'll be happier filling your potential (and providing for your family).

Oh heavens, that's bollocks.

If you have seen your children through the early years at home, then I think you will have given them a pretty solid start in life. As they get older, seeing you work and run the home will give them a great example to follow. I know that for me, seeing and hearing my parents deal with work issues and balance work and family was very valuable to me.

Most of the comments are probably about people feeling defensive and promoting their own choices in the face of your different choice, which they may (possibly unconsciously) have taken as an implicit criticism or evidence of you being braver and more independent than they are. Ignore if you can, or gently let them know the judgments are unwelcome.

The thing that always strikes me about this kind of thing is how pointless all the hand-wringing is (not criticising you when I say that, OP, but your critics). of the many children I know, all the children who have good, empathic parenting are doing well, irrespective of what kind of care they receive-at home with parent, at home with other family, nursery, nanny, after-school club, you name it.

Ignore the negative messages. Continue your studies. In a few years, as your DC become more and more independent, you will be glad that you are ready too. It's great that you have family to support you: make the most of it. When I was 10 my parents split up. We moved in with my mother's uncle. She finished her undergrad degree in a single year (she had dropped out of uni to marry my dad), worked for a year, and then put herself through law school. That was 30+ years ago and she's just retired from a successful, fulfilling career in the NC attorney general's office.

Mephisto is right.

Your friends are way out of line criticizing your life decisions. Your family, your rules!

You have the wrong friends. Nobody has ever said that to me because all my friends also work. You'll meet lots of working mums when uo go back to work.

3 of my friends are lawyers, and mothers. One has a senior role in government, the other heads up Legal in a MNC, the 3rd works for herself.

I'm not sure partnership in a law firm is great for motherhood, or fatherhood, but that's far from your only option.

I'm with everyone else. Ignore them.

It's one of the downsides to being a mum that others, especially other women, feel they have the right to comment on your parenting decisions.

Every time you hear any of this bollocks think "Would they say this if I were a bloke?" And I think you'll find they wouldn't.

Go for it, sister!

I'm a single mother with a 9m old and work full time. It's tough and tiring but I also enjoy it and need to provide for my son.

My mum got this from other mothers when I was in primary school. She was a single parent, and had no choice but to work.

You know what, she's my best friend and I love her to death. I appreciate every thing she's done, because I know that I was at the forefront of her mind, her first priority and she did what she did so that I could have a better life.

Her working full time meant that we got a chance to miss each other and valued the time we had together (weekends, afternoons etc). It meant that I got a bit more independence than my friends who had a stay at home parent, because there were times when I was home by myself (not as a young child, obviously). I was extremely well socialised by the time I started at primary school, having been in daycare from a young age. I always looked forward to seeing her at the end of the day because I wasn't WITH her all day.

I am on maternity leave at the moment, but will return to work when DD is 12 months old. I like the idea of her having a mother who studied hard at university and worked hard from day one to get a job she wanted. My job was there before my daughter was; my ambitions were there before she was etc. Having her did not make everything I'd worked for and wanted in the past fly out the window. Hopefully she will feel about me the way I feel about my mother.

Change friends.