Feminist Pub XXI - The Pub with No Name

Not been called a TERF outright but certainly implied. Also lots of dont know what ur getting so worked up abouts .

Hi elusive! I think being called a TERF was what inspired me to start posting too. It is infuriating!!!

Welcome, elusive!

Hello, I am new in the pub! New to posting too, but have been lurking for a long time.

Just picking up on something Prawn says about having children (re)awakening your feminism. I tried talk about this to a friend at work and I was basically called a TERF!! In real life! "You need to go away and educate yourself because I am sure you don't mean to be, but you are coming across as a TERF". (I think she told me to check my privilege too, but maybe I added that in after too much online reading, ha.)

Anyway, this was in a small discussion about my personal experiences of sexism and oppression as a mother (specifically), she tried to 'correct' me - "as a parent" . No. A mother. A woman who is a mother. Anyway... How is that in any way related to trans?? I'm a TERF for pointing out I'm a mother? I sometimes read this board and think yeah, this is bad, but its the internet innit? Women in real life are not being called TERFs when they mention their biology. But there it was. (And now I feel like my boyfriend when I mentioned I had been harassed while out running and he was shocked (!!!) And said 'he has read that that happens...' pmsl)

Hmm.

I certainly have male friends who don't want to sleep with me. The odd one or two who might want to, I suspect.

I don't think all men want to sleep with all their female friends, though. I do think that specific man doesn't have the greatest set of views.

In conversation with friends one asked if, men and women could be friends. All three of us (all women) said yes, but she said her boyfriend thought not. Or more specifically he thought women could be just friends with men without wanting more, but men who wanted to be friends with women always had ulterior motives.
I've heard this lots of times before, but for some reason it struck me this time that this is just another way men don't view women as fully human. Men obviously have male friends who they don't want to have sex with, so they do know the concept. But for some reason couldn't possibly be interested in women that they're not interested in sleeping with. Surely that suggests they're just feigning interest to get to an end goal. So not really interested in the person at all.

I'm not quite sure why it struck me so suddenly, or if I've articulated it properly here. But I thought it was a sad indictment of men and the state of the world.

Creatures which fly which are neither birds nor bats?

Sorry again. I've always had trouble telling reindeer and dragons apart.

Oh x-post, apols accepted.

Eh? I've just been on one extolling the virtues of low alcohol weissbeir, which is all we've had since DD's birthday prosecco.

My apologies, it was Rufus!

Errol's been here hasn't she? Didn't she turn up on another thread drunk? :)

No, sorry. I'm home with that stomach bug and DS binged on octonauts. It was an episode where Dashi and Tweak fix the ship together.

Ah, Dashi, of course. But you're right about the rest of them being male. I had a conversation with my 4 year old the other day about whether Tunip the vegimal was a boy or a girl. The conclusion was that they were probably neither!

But the captain, elder statesman, pirate, medic and second in command are all male.

Dashi too

I thought Tweak was the only girl?

Does it? Not every episode, though...

Irrelevant to anything really, but I noticed today, Octonauts passes the bechdel test.

Hang on in there, Devi. Will PM you with a story which may cheer you slightly.

It must be very disheartening to hear all that shit. If I met someone who took the antifeminist garbage that is Everyday Feminism seriously I think I might react the way my DF did when he met two Young Earth Creationists, i.e. with shocked disbelief.

And to hear it from someone you otherwise respect? Not surprised you're feeling glum, Devi. Guess you'll just have to avoid feminism as a subject. Like the plague. Third wave feminism is a dog's breakfast.

Out of interest, has she got DC? Because it was becoming a mother that revived and refreshed my feminism. Get a baby and you very soon find out how second class women still are.

Anyway I'm bitching now. Problem is I massively respect her so I find it infuriating that we are on such different wavelengths about feminism - especially as it's something important to me

I don't think it's an age thing, I think she does that thing of thinking others have it so much worse and being self effacing/blind to the shit she/we put up with.
But it is like she's an everyday feminism devotee and I didn't think people actually took that site seriously.
I just get really annoyed with not being able to focus on women for once.

I wonder what privileges this person should check? Would I be way out in guessing, the privilege of being young enough not to have had to put up with quite so much sexist shit? Of having had first and second wave feminists deal with some of the worst - sufficiently she doesn't realise that those hard-won rights need defending and extending??