I'm sorry if this is in entirely the wrong place but im concerned about posting on the more active boards but also think my concerns will be taken seriously here without any 'drama'.
This was many, many years ago. Almost a decade. I've been in the same relationship with a slightly older man since I was 16 and I'm coming to the conclusion in my early 30's that it has been a controlling and sexually abusive relationship. I have posted about this under a different name recently on mn.
Someone asked me (in rl) whether he'd ever actually caused any physical pain and my first reaction was defensively NO but I'm my own worst enemy in terms of deception.
This memory has become a private joke between me and Dp but now evaluating it with fresh, sober eyes has made me uncomfortable.
Much of the sex we had left me in crippling physical pain pre dd as I had a variety of undiagnosed gynae issues. I grew up thinking that occasionally sex would leave you doubled up in pain and in bed for an hour or so afterwards and that you just got through it during. This was not dps fault this was the gynae issues.
One day in my early twenties we had very, very deep,rough sex one morning and after I couldn't do anything. I was in a lot of pain but also in denial. When I'm faced with anything challenging I sort of go into the 3rd person in my head. It allows me to cope with things like pain and allows me to talk about awkward situations without emotion. I managed to get myself into the shower and off to a pub lunch. I intrinsically felt uncomfortable sharing what had happened with a third party and my partner generally doesn't like us accepting help of any sort unless its life or death.
It became life or death. Eventually in the evening on my insistence he called a cab to the nearest out of hours surgery. The dr realised I was bleeding internally (peritonitis) and blue lit me in an ambulance to hospital. It was here that things started to feel deeply uncomfortable and wrong between us. I admitted to the A&E nurse that it had all started during a 'vigorous' sex session and it became a running joke in front of me by by the consultant dr and his team. Blustering in saying 'so I hear this happened during some vigorous sex this morning, hahahaha!' I felt ashamed and awful and insignificant whilst he laughed in a 'lads together ' way with Dp. Only the two junior female sho Drs had the good grace to look uncomfortable. Dp also made comments about the fact he was glad/proud od resently waxed and was wearing sexy, matching underwear in front of so many people. Although it was common knowledge by the staff that my corpus luteal cyst had been ruptured during sex not one member of staff enquired whether I was ok with sex this 'vigorous'. If they had enquired I'm in no doubt that I'd have blown their concerns out of the water but it just got me thinking. Does this raise any abuse hackles or am I just reading to much into the past.