New mothers need the whole story about AP.

Other people describe me as an ap parent. I didn't know there was even such a parenting style when I had dd1 17 years ago. I did the stuff that made my life easier and that involved a lot of AP stuff. I tried for the first 2 weeks to get her to sleep in her own cradle but I only got a maximum of 1 hours sleep each night. I was on my knees, until somebody mentioned that it's possible to bf lying down, so I did that once, we both fell asleep and she slept for 4 hours in my bed, so co sleeping became my default because we both slept better. We stopped when she was about 18 months because it was something we'd both grown out of. She also hated the pram, so I borrowed a sling and she loved it.

The things that worked with dd1 were the things I tried first with dd2 because I knew how to do those, and they kept the pair of us happy. I also used cloth nappies with dd2 because I hate the thought of all the landfill with disposables. That was more work, but not massively, just a couple more loads of washing a week. And I did blw with dd2 as well, because it seemed more sensible than purées.

I was way less stressed with my babies than the parents who worried about routines and making sure they were home for naps, etc. But that worked for them, I never criticised their choices at all. I wish they'd extended me the same courtesy, but everybody was always making some comment about my funny ways, or criticising me for still bf at 18 months (why stop when it didn't bother me and dd still wanted it?).

Parenting is supposed to be about what works for your own family. If something works then carry on, if it doesn't then try something else. I've never seen any pressure to follow AP, but have experienced a lot of pressure not to. I don't understand how AP can cause someone to be housebound, I was back at work ft by the time dd2 was 6mo, and we'd had plenty of nice days out before that. And plenty of marriages suffer after babies are born, babies are hard work no matter what method you use to raise them.

TreeBird16 Is it proven? Who proved it? How? Why did they go about asking the question about infant-mother distance and cot death?

I believe some attachment parents are being disingenous when they say their approach was easier for them (compared to other ways one can be a loving mother).

One can be a loving mother in many ways. I think some people do genuinely find the AP approach easier for them. That's fine - there are several women on the other thread who have found it suits them to keep the baby with them downstairs until they go to bed, for example. That's fine too.
My Ds wouldn't do that and j wouldn't want to do that, and that's fine too.

We do some AP things - I breastfeed, we co sleep. I don't use a sling because my back is fecked. I think like many parents I just do what works and muddle through. I'm sure slings are great but they don't work for us. And that too, is fine.

The only problem with any 'type' or philosophy of parenting is when it stops being 'you could try this' and starts being 'you should be doing this.'

There are many good ways to be a parent. AP is just one. An extreme approach to anything is rarely a good idea. There's no One True Path to parenting and anyone browbeating anyone else into slavishly following a specific ideology is wrong.

Oh don't worry, this thread will soon devolve into "BF vs FF" just like the other thread.

But it's proven that children who sleep with or close to their mothers have a lower incidence of cot death. It is proven that formula feeding has far more risks associated with it that bf. So in this era of modern medicine to support mothers is it not plain to see that keeping your baby close and feeding the baby from the breast is the optimum scenario. For mother and baby's health. And if you can't bf or cosleep you can follow the principles and adopt it to your own life. The only thing I don't like about AP is the label.

This has a few citations on it. One of them suggest that the fast you respond to an infant at night the quicker it goes back to sleep.

www.attachmentparenting.org/infantsleepsafety/

No I think it probably goes some way to disprove wendy's arguments

Oh and one thing that killed infants back in olden times was milk as it was given additives to make it not taste off, oh and opium was given to help babies sleep which works well provided you don;t over does them

ICJump, thank you for the citation. However, the citation you gave does not appear to support the statement wendy is making. Does such a publication exist, do you know? Or another reference?

Well, to go with your anecdotes, the biggest source of stress the new mums I know have had is people telling them that they should have baby in a rigid routine and let the baby cry "for a bit" when they don't want to do that.

One of the people I know who is most routine driven is "allowed" (by herself) out of the house between 2.30 and 4.30. That's far more restrictive than the AP sorts I know. I wouldn't describe myself as an AP'er, or anything else, but it's closest to my parenting style.

Wendy now you need to stop being so disingenuous You think then infant mortality etc was caused by bf and cosleeping? Really?

No they aren't but it was one parenting thing i could think of that came out of evidence as a way of illustrating my point

Attachment parenting and "baby led weaning" are not the same thing.

Im a new mother, i was definitely aware of it - all the midwives and healthvisitors and everyone is advocating ap practice now (although they never called it 'attatchment parenting' but baby lead this and baby lead that.

I have mixed feelings towards it if I'm honest. Whilst pregnant i knew i wanted to do things in a natural way, i.e- natural birth (i did and that was fine, realistic expectations), i knew i wanted to breastfeed and do baby lead feeding, i.e: reading cues and not squedualing feeding- i did and i loved it but it was alot more full on than i ever realised (think feeding for an hour and half every hour and a half day and night).

We were told against co-sleeping, although we ended up co sleeping sometimes as it was a quick fix and we have a terrible sleeper (now 1 yr old).

I think new mums should be told the reality of both the good and the bad, but also told that you dont have to be black or white - you can choose bits of what works for you, you dont have to be so rigid in your approach to parenting, and its more of a dynamic between you and baby and finding what works for all of you

What have you got against AP? It's a pretty niche parenting choice- do you have some personal experience which means you are particularly anti?

I actually think you might be a bit bonkers.

Why have you choose AP rather than say the contented baby as the parenting philosophy to attack?

What about baby led weaning over annabel karmel? BLW has had research done is that ok?

AP is a wanky label for a completely normal approach to parenting. I was doing it when I was a 22yo mother, way before I had the Internet or subscribed to any parenting 'methods'.

I've always breastfed, because I was fortunate enough to find it easy, coslept because I'm inherently lazy and it's the best way (for me) to get the most sleep, used a sling because I could get stuff done with a colicky baby, and taken a 'gentle' approach to parenting because it's the type of person I am. Same with 'Baby led weaning', I just couldn't be faffed with purées so just gave them small amounts of what I was eating, that they could hold so I didn't have to sit there spoon feeding.

It's just much easier, I found, than the alternative (routines, timings, bedtimes etc). My sister is a very Gina Ford style parent. All our kids are fine. As far as I can see it makes no difference, it's just parental styles and personalities.

I think there are many other changes that happen in a woman's life when she becomes a mother that are more likely to impact her mental health than whether she practises AP or not.

Take a wander over to relationships and the difficulties with partners and other family members which are far more likely to affect you than if you co sleep or not.

Whilst it's great that we (more or less) have equality. The pressures put on woman to be able to do EVERYTHING at once, raise a baby, do the chores as she's at home, lose weight, go back to work away from baby, give her partner attention, living away from family/support groups and being isolated. Not being around babies much to gain experience before you have your own. Our society is simply not geared towards mothers now and will have a massive impact on mental health.

It's utterly ridiculous to say AP is becoming mainstream like its a new fad. Up till the industrial revolution and to a lesser extent up to the Second World War it was how kids were reared and kept alive. You are utterly ignorant really. Parents & particularly mothers should do what works for them. But often women find following the biological norms can make parenting easier. There are heaps and heaps of sleep studies which confirm that bf/cosleeping mothers get the most sleep. Our sleep hormones adjust so bf mothers fall straight into deeper sleep and they're sleep is of a greater quality. Mix feeding mothers get the worst sleep. I won't bother referencing the studies. A very simple Google will find them for you.

No OP I think you're some way off the mark with what you're saying. A lot of women coming into motherhood for the first time don't have the full picture of parenting full stop. A lot of people don't realise the full range of elation, exhaustion, frustration, doubt, joy, the list goes on... Nothing to do with AP or any other 'style' for that matter.

IME people who "practice" AP are doing what they find works well for them regardless of the name, or they've researched and read widely and are therefore choosing that approach with intelligence and enlightenment - they are not stupid people who will blindly follow an approach that's not working for them.

You don't mention any evidence in your assertions so I think this is probably your opinion or personal experience. I got more sleep through co-sleeping. I haven't heard of anyone being housebound due to AP (but I have heard of people being housebound except for the hours of 3.30-4.30pm for example because they are "following Gina Ford's schedule").

So in all honesty I think you're projecting here, and trying to pick at a parenting style just because it didn't work for you. By all means share your experiences and find like-minded people for empathy, but don't suggest that those who do AP are trying to pretend it's working for them and pull the wool over everyone's eyes!