Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Breastfeeding and attachment parenting - your thoughts

404 replies

awfulpersonme · 20/08/2016 11:42

I've not posted on this board before but have lurked a lot.

I'm interested to see what you think about two things I have thought about a lot in recent weeks - breastfeeding and attachment parenting.

I breastfeed my 5 month old and as such was on a few Facebook groups for support. On these groups I have seen comments stating that women who ff should not have children, that formula should only be available on prescription for babies who need it medically, and asking for tips on how to persuade their female friends and relatives to breastfeed their babies. These groups are largely AP based.

So:

  1. Is pressurising women to breastfeed essentially anti feminist? Isn't it just another way of telling us what we should and shouldn't do with our bodies, another way of making female bodies public property?

  2. aren't a lot of the attachment parenting principles essentially quite anti-woman? Every AP group I've seen seems to place a mother's need for outside stimulation, sleep, and good mental health as far, far below the needs of her children (at all ages, not just newborns and young babies). The idea that you must be around your baby 24/7 just seems to me to be another way of keeping women firmly "in their place".

What do you all think??

OP posts:
Original poster
awfulpersonme · 20/08/2016 12:02

Yy to fecking labels like baby wearing, totally agree.

I have PND and wanted to go for an evening out. I hadn't managed to express so I left my other half with a bit of formula. I mentioned this off hand on a BF support group which is also AP based and was asked why I had bothered to have a baby if I wanted time away from him.

OP posts:
VestalVirgin · 20/08/2016 11:59

  1. Totally true. I mean, breastfeeding is probably best for children, but why should children be more important than women? Besides, no one asks fathers to stay home from their jobs to do childcare, even though this would probably be best for children. Good male role model and all that!

  2. Not necessarily. I mean, the rule that you can't bring your baby to the workplace is, like, somewhat artificial. Saying that a baby is happiest if carried around by an adult doesn't have to be antifeminist. (Though in today's society, and with the expectation that the person who is around the baby is a woman, it totally is.)

I didn't read much about attachment parenting, but if you think that some of the principles are misogynist, then you are quite probably right.

Just, outsourcing childcare to people who aren't actually related to the child and do this as a job doesn't have to be the only alternative to women caring for children. It is, because we live in patriarchy. But it doesn't have to be.

nousernames · 20/08/2016 11:58

Yes and yes! Having successfully got my kids to the age of 5 without any major mishaps but shitload of minor ones, I totally feel qualified to comment Wink.

A Breastfeeding AP set up is totally the right set up for some women. It wasn't for me thought (an unattached formula feeder?). What irritates me is the complete failure of many people, and sadly a lot of women do this, to recognise that there's a million different ways to raise a kid & each woman will find the way that best suits them.

We don't become the fucking borg collective once we have a child with one unanimous way of thinking amongst us all. My life leading up to having a child, my hopes for motherhood, my relationship with dh, my own view of myself outside of being a mum & many other things inform the decisions I make so it stands to reason that my choices will be different to my neighbour's/my friend's etc. I think you've hit the nail on the head op.

Also as an aside, I hate all the shitty labels that we get these days - AP, CIO, baby led weaning blah blah blah. Surely I can't be the only one just muddling along trying not to fuck them up too badly.

wenchystrumpet · 20/08/2016 11:56

Yes! It's no coincidence that many of the AP authors like Sears are ultraconservative Christians. And male.