Not feminist enough if you're heterosexual.

What about the women who don't want to take turns, never mind the men?
Even on this thread, moreso elsewhere on MN, there are women saying they want to be the SAHP. They don't want their DHs to share, they want to be the one doing it. Can they be forced?

What is my suggestion? Good question. I think taking turns would be a good idea. That way both people get to do their share of wife work leading to a better appreciation of it's value and both get a chance to maintain and progress their careers and earning potential. And the children experience both parents caring for them, taking care of the home and having a career.

FWIW I agree that SAHM's work is as worthy as WOHM, however patriarchal society does not pay for or recognise years of wife work. If the male earner decides to leave his DP once the children are older, it is the woman who has lost out

So what is your suggestion?

A state wagefor housework?

Divorce settlements which recognise this? (they do anyway)

Otherwise, it looks as though the woman is sacrificing her earning potential by devoting herself to wife work and it is the man who is fortunate to be able to afford a SAHW while he progresses in a career that he will benefit from

Why does only he benefit?

Why is "wife work" only for his benefit? It's their home, their children.

"its all about changing attitudes and tbh that has to happen way before any of these men get into relationships with women. It could be argued we need more radical feminists to bring up boys!"
Doing my bit for this with two of them!

I don't know how to explain how it works here. I am ill and dh my carer, so is he a sahd, am I a sahm? Are we both or nether? He does a lot of the 'wife' jobs, because I couldn't even if I didn't want it to be an 'equal' relationship.

We were fortunate to afford for me to stay at home.

I can understand that sentiment if the woman is independently wealthy. Otherwise, it looks as though the woman is sacrificing her earning potential by devoting herself to wife work and it is the man who is fortunate to be able to afford a SAHW while he progresses in a career that he will benefit from. FWIW I agree that SAHM's work is as worthy as WOHM, however patriarchal society does not pay for or recognise years of wife work. If the male earner decides to leave his DP once the children are older, it is the woman who has lost out.

What is the radfem view of SAHMs?

Having said that women's unpaid labour (and the advantages men have from that) is what this thread is all about

This is the part I don't get. How is it unpaid if in exchange for staying at home you are getting a roof over your head, money for food and clothes, sharing in the wage earners wage?

How does only the woman get any benefit of what she does?

he pointed out how much he would have to pay someome if he was a single father

So what are SAHMs looking for ? Actual pay? Joint account? Share in the earners wages?

Is being a SAHM compatible with radical feminism?

It sounds as though many more feminists than I thought are still doing the bulk of the wife work while their men are progressing in their careers and are in control of the earnings. While marriage provides some protection to women who SAH, it seems a precarious position for a woman, and particularly a feminist who knows the dangers, to put herself in.

I think you are right deydo/Hermione. I suspect any power imbalance would be magnified in that scenario. What would happen if the SAHM wanted to leave an abusive man...with the children?

Having said that women's unpaid labour (and the advantages men have from that) is what this thread is all about.

Personally I think its all about changing attitudes and tbh that has to happen way before any of these men get into relationships with women. It could be argued we need more radical feminists to bring up boys!

Interesting.

When dp and I were doing the massive amount of discussing and planning that happened before we finally decided that I would be a SAHM, he pointed out how much he would have to pay someome if he was a single father. He felt very strongly that we were doing work of equal value within our family.

Oddly enough DW didn't look thrilled when I suggested she become my employee and we have less money because she would pay tax and NI and I would pay employers NI but it's OK because she would feel more valued.

Your husband could formally employ you as housekeeper/cook/nanny

Call me weird, but that doesn't sound like a good solution, in fact it sounds way worse.

As a sahm who expects nothing from anyone and who has no pension (that's my introduction out the way), I feel equal in my partnership. I won't go up the shit if he dies...that's a bit of luck. Of course he could leave me or I him but I will still be ok. Perhaps picking apart individual posters' lives isn't the way forward.

No I'm not looking for anything lass.

Well of course I don't Vestal. Sahm are not supported or valued in that way which I see as a societal issue

So what are you looking for? Seriously what is society meant to do for you?

Are you looking for wages for housework ? To be paid out of general taxation of parents who have no option other than to work?

Your husband could formally employ you as housekeeper/cook/nanny, if the law in the UK is not wildly different from Germany. Of course that would mean you'd have to pay income tax, but it is the easiest way to stay safe

You could but you would be paying tax on income that has already been taxed.

I think what you are proposing could back fire horribly. At present under a divorce settlement a non working parent can claim her or his efforts went in to advancing the career of other (an argument I'm not wholly persuaded of) and certainly has the right to share in a pension pot. If the stay at home has been paid, then surely they have been paid- what further claim should they have?

Well of course I don't Vestal. Sahm are not supported or valued in that way which I see as a societal issue.

Your husband could formally employ you as housekeeper/cook/nanny, if the law in the UK is not wildly different from Germany. Of course that would mean you'd have to pay income tax, but it is the easiest way to stay safe.
(Doing this would also help many women whose husbands do not treat them as their equals -. a document stating work hours, and payment, would show clearly how much work is done, and how much it would cost on the free market.)

Well of course I don't Vestal. Sahm are not supported or valued in that way which I see as a societal issue. Someone has to look after the children though and right now in my house I want that person to be me.

I am a sahm so of course I do most of the childcare, that's my job!

Is it your job, though? That is, are you formally employed with all the documents and will be entitled to a pension? Does your work experience count as work experience with future potential employers?

The main problem I have with the stay at home mother model is that most women do not have any of the safety that comes with a regular job, and while they are financially well off if everything is okay with the marriage, their financial security depends on said marriage and if the marriage ends in divorce, they have officially no job experience and "never worked" because the paperwork is not there.