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Original poster

feminist views of TTC?

33 replies

RobinsAreTerritorialFuckers · 27/06/2016 22:30

Do you think there's a feminist issue around the way we talk about it? I was thinking about all the language (baby dust, babydancing and so on).

I'm noticing it because at the moment DP and I are TTC with donor sperm, and we go to a clinic where, obviously, a lot of the couples are straight couples who're having difficulties. The nurses refer to us (and presumably all the women) as 'girls', and although I would imagine they see a fair number of lesbian couples (and single women), all their paperwork is presuming you're a male/female couple, so it got me thinking about how men are expected to feel/think. It does feel as if there's an odd mixture of euphemisms that talk down to women.

OP posts:
DetestableHerytike · 27/06/2016 23:27

Thrown into a situation with a bunch of other British people where the one thing you know about each other is that something in "that department" isn't straightforward.

A recipe for awkwardness all round.

Men's role tends to be more clear cut, I guess. Off to the room with the porn and a cup. Fewer internals, injections, scans etc, in the majority of cases.

Original poster
RobinsAreTerritorialFuckers · 27/06/2016 23:13

Well, they could use our names TBH! Or just not use anything - you rarely need to, actually.

I don't mind it much, but it makes me wonder whether other women generally like being 'girls' in this context. I mean, a lot of women who are worrying about it, clearly are wondering if their age is against them, and I would feel as if 'girl' reminded me I definitely wasn't one.

But I do also slightly wonder if some of the language is about making men feel terribly important and women feel slightly less so? A friend pointed out a lot of people (not at clinics!) start talking about sex in a really lads-banter kind of way.

I can see men must feel a bit strange, in that you have such a tiny role in the physical side of pregnancy, but there seems to be almost an anxiety about that.

OP posts:
DetestableHerytike · 27/06/2016 23:04

Yes, it's odd. But I suppose the alternative is ladies as women is often taken as rude...

Original poster
RobinsAreTerritorialFuckers · 27/06/2016 22:54

Grin Thank you for that, detestable.

I get that it's meant to be friendly, too. But odd.

OP posts:
DetestableHerytike · 27/06/2016 22:48

And I also can't read "baby dancing" without humming "I don't feel.like dancing" by the Scissor Sisters in my head.

And now you can't either

DetestableHerytike · 27/06/2016 22:47

Mmm, "girls" and TTC would make me a bit shivery. Though get it's meant to be friendly.

Original poster
RobinsAreTerritorialFuckers · 27/06/2016 22:36

I'd be really interested to hear more when you've a minute, then! I wrote a crap OP because I have thoughts but not much coherence, so thank you for replying!

OP posts:
ladyballs · 27/06/2016 22:34

Absolutely. I don't have time to post properly right now but I went through fertility investigations and it was very gendered. There's a lot of gendered language too.