Feminists- what stops you giving up and helps you keep going?

The idea of giving up is totally alien to me, because it's who I am not just something I do.

Mind you, having been accused of all sorts of anti-feminist behaviour on here, a campaigning past counts for naught anyhow.

So my point is that it should encompass a wide range of approaches, political leanings, and styles of communication. When it becomes a straightjacket that leaves you frustrated/exhausted, change your approach.

I have always been a feminist but my gorgeous kickarse daughter has given me new energy in that direction. She's naturally strong and confident but faces many different challenges to the ones I faced. So even if I feel discouraged I think of her and her contemporaries and keep on going.

I want to write a clever reply, but my real life feminism is mostly restricted to feminist rants (maybe I should call them roars!) about things most people haven't noticed or don't care about. It's embarassing really but I can't help it! So Im just placemarking

My employer has a Women's Network. The organisation operates in STEM industries, so this is a good thing. My employer publicised a women's network event by making it very clear that the event and the Women's Network is for both men and women, that 10% of members are men, and that being a member of the women's network is beneficial for women and men. Because heaven forfend we have a women's network without bending over backwards to accommodate men. As one of my awesome male colleagues said: "It's ok, you can have that one. My feelings won't be hurt by not being invited. I'll cope somehow.

I'm not sure this is linked, but it annoyed me and galvinised me.

Oh, I don't think I was seeing any kind of argument where there wasn't one Grim. From her post, OP is struggling in the same way many of us do. Hence the more constructive replies on the thread.

Don't look for an argument where there isn't one, Palmer. The OP seems to be struggling for real-life feminist conversation/allies. So does Vestal. I was just asking for her opinion. After all 'giving up' your political activism is not something to be taken lightly.

I know that feeling all too well. Since the feminist group I hoped to work with has come out as transwacktivist supportive, I have given up. I was never a leader personality, just hoping to help some others with their work, and there seems to be ... nothing that is really for women, that I could support in good conscience.

Lady*QueerFest is apparently looking for cake donations. Last year I would have baked a cake. Now, after they made clear that they prioritize males ... nope.

So, that's the status of my feminist activism: Not even able to bake a damn cake for a good cause, because there are no good causes to be found!

Anyone hosting a Radfem festival in Germany and in need of chocolate cake?

Reading threads on mumsnet and lending my voice to the feminist point of view is literally all I do in terms of feminist activism at the moment.

Not sure that's actually what Last said in her post Grim. What she said was that they aren't interested in much feminist chat, not any at all. Even when I meet with feminist friends we don't solely discuss feminism, because we talk about all sorts of other things.

Doesn't mean that while discussing other things we're not feminists. In the same way as when I'm talking about feminism, it doesn't mean I stop being concerned about the lack of funding my DS with SN is getting to help him, or the state of the oceans or a million other things.

Are you only capable of discussing single issues with certain groups of friends Grim? I find that a bit weird.

Ignore my reference to that incident, then. I'd still like the OP's opinion.

" got shot down on FWR recently because I actually said that I like FWR because it gives me a chance to discuss a movement that I don't encounter in my day-to-day life. I was accused of prodding 'feminists in captivity', to many snorts and guffaws."

I think there might have been a leeeeetle more to it than that. But we wouldn't want to make this a TAAT, would we?

Special needs, Grimarse. The amount of disablism on mumsnet is startling and disturbing and depressing (have a look at some of the threads on buggies in wheelchair spaces on buses or use of toilets for people with disabilities to see this - there's a substantial minority of posters who take the attitude "I'm not bloody folding my buggy, wait in the rain for the next bus", or "I don't care if your disability makes you struggle with fecal continence and you're likely to shit yourself while you wait for me to finish re-applying makeup in the disabled toilet, it was the only one free when I arrived, and you'll just have to wait in a queue same as the rest of us... you said you wanted to be treated equally, after all". It's eye opening to discover just how many people are completely self-centred shits, and has really given me an insight into just what a struggle life must be for parents of children with SN and posters on here who have disabilities themselves).

I have tried googling that Lonny - what is SN?

In certain groups or situations, I pick my battles. That means I also ration the time I spend in those groups or situations - I prefer to prioritise time where I can speak freely and discuss the the issues that are important to me.

That means I hide a lot of threads! On MN I prefer to beat the SN drum (or as it is so charmingly called, 'play the SN card') and I don't have the energy to fight two battles at once.

I don't have many close friends, and those that I have are lovely, but are not up for much feminist chat.

Why is that, Last? Why do you think so many women aren't interested in a political movement that is entered around their needs specifically? Fifty-one per cent of the UK population should be on board with feminism (almost) automatically. Imagine what a serious political party with that sort of base support could achieve.

I got shot down on FWR recently because I actually said that I like FWR because it gives me a chance to discuss a movement that I don't encounter in my day-to-day life. I was accused of prodding 'feminists in captivity', to many snorts and guffaws. But you seem to be saying a similar thing.

I am very lucky in that I have a group of the most amazing women with whom to talk, laugh, rage and discuss feminism.

We meet up as often as we can.

Plus I go to a couple of feminist conferences a year, most of which have concessions for the unemployed, sometimes free entry, so that might be worth looking at. Recharging your batteries is hugely important in the face of endless apathy and ennui over women's issues.

You are welcome. I collect links like that for times like this.

It is absolutely okay to take a break from it all, sometimes.

You mentioned that you are unemployed. It does not follow that you have a lot of time on your hands, but if you do, volunteering is one way to meet feminists IRL. If you are short of suggestions of how you could volunteer, and you post here your skills and interested and how much time you have, we might be able to make suggestions. Or DM me if you prefer. I am not a volunteer matcher but I have volunteered before and I find it helps.

It's the "Nonsense, it's not a feminist issue, you're overthinking it" and "Haven't you got anything more important to worry about" posts that I find depressing.

Yep! Rather frequently I feel beaten down but the comments on her, social media & real life.

But if we don't keep going at it who else is going to?

Also on social media & MN it seems some women just can't wait to put other women down. That's the hardest part I think.

Mumsnet seems a particularly hostile environment to feminists at the moment. I do find that very depressing.

Do you ever feel like this too?

Absolutely.

Do you have any tips on how you cope with the ennui, the depression, the desire to give up bothering any more?

Spend time in resolutely feminist spaces. Twice a year, I go to feminist conferences for the weekend. I go so that I can get angry, cry, and be believed. This seems to be enough to help me through the rest of the year.

Poetry:

Questions I've been asked as a midwife by Kayla Q

Read all sorts of different things, this board, academic articles which go over my head, blogs, books with which I do not agree. I clarify my position on the issues which divide feminists and do my best to understand the arguments from all sides. Change my mind sometimes on some issues and be unwavering at other times and on other issues.

This interview - Victoria Coren-Mitchell interviews Sandy Tokszig