Feminists- what stops you giving up and helps you keep going?

HisNameWasPrinceAndHeWasFunky

I am afraid your calming down was premature .

This blog post was posted on the Feminism in London website on 21 June, the day after your most recent post to this thread.

From the blog post:

We have made the decision to take a break from conference organising just for this year...

Ah no it was August I got the tickets!!

I'll calm down :)

thanks erinaceus.

The website hasn't been updated for 2016 yet so I hope everything is OK - I'm sure I had bought my early-bird tickets by this time last year. But dates are in my diary.

It really was the most amazing weekend and I encourage everyone to attend if they can.

I feel like if I give up, stop challenging etc I will be to some extent colluding in my own oppression. So I feel I have no choice.

Of course I do collude in my own oppression quite a bit anyway - brought up sexist, live in a sexist, racist (broadly) small town, so I have a lot of inbuilt attitudes and assumptions (surprised when a lady builder came to do a quote the other day, keep calling my dd 'beautiful' but don't do it to ds, etc)

I depress myself when I think about it too much. But I keep trying!!

HisNameWasPrinceAndHeWasFunky The dates for FiL 2016 are 29 - 30 October.

twitter.com/FemLonCon/status/658334133437997056

In 2014 I went as a volunteer steward. Volunteer stewards do not pay for their tickets.

One of the things I respect about FIL is that their position statement is as clear as they can make it: www.feminisminlondon.co.uk/position-statement/.

More things that keep me going, not because they are feminist per se, but because they indicate what communities achieve:

The London Olympic Opening Ceremony 2012. It just makes me happy, every time. YMMV.

And,
The guy I talked to the other week a conference he is organising. I described to him how I feel at conferences where the programme is dominated by there are all-male sessions and all-male discussion panels. He asked that I email him a list of all my female contacts who would be willing and able to speak at his event. He is aware of the problem in my field and doing what he can to address it, and he expressed a sense of hopelessness at how his contacts are mostly men. I cannot make women accept invitations to speak at conferences, but I can connect people to other people, and this is what I choose to do.

Because I have a daughter and although I got promoted after coming back from mat leave there are thousands of woman who aren't and who have no hope of living an equal environment.

Just read a blog post by Karen In gala Smith - inspires me to keep going. I don't know how she maintains her commitment to keep going in the face of such resistance

kareningalasmith.com/2013/04/29/this-thing-about-male-victims/

This section used to be called Feminism and Women's Rights - FWR.

Old names for the board curviest
I also want to meet some irl feminists but I'm a bit scared some of my radical views might not be welcome as libfem seems more common and my local feminist group appears to no longer be active.

I am a radical feminist and in 40 years of being an adult I have never met another one in real life.

Also, currently, I don't know any feminists in real life. I suspect there might be some closet ones in my town, but how to find them? Advertise?

OP you just gotta keep on expressing your feminism wherever you can. "Giving up" isn't an option. We have to make the world better for our (grand) daughters.

What is FWR, please?

Fair point - I admit I've done that too.

I've stayed away from the sex trade one because I cba to deal with goady fuckers. Wish I could apply the same logic to the rape ones.

Buffy You are one of the FWR posters I always look forward to you wading into a thread (especially if it's gone a bit hairy) with your intelligence, reason, excellent typing and fierceness.

(I've been around for a while but an regular NC'er).

I also wonder why these threads, and threads like the "sex trade" one attract so few people. I'm gob smacked more people don't have something to contribute or at least ask on feminist issues.

thanks Fela - she is pretty awesome. :)

theydont I know what you mean about the Internet. It's horrible. Just read an article on LinkedIn about gender parity in finance and the comments were horrendous. On a professional networking site! It truly shows how acceptable sexism is, if men are happy to have these kinds of things linked to their real name and professional standing. Clearly there is no come back from employers :(

Prince I also agree with you about MN. Very depressed by the amount of rape apologism and making it easier for sex offenders out there at the moment. What is wrong with people? Your daughter sounds awesome!

I feel largely very alone with my feminism.

I find MN incredibly and depressingly hostile towards feminists and many womens issues in general - it constantly surprises me how many people don't seem to even "get" the basics.

As for NotAllMen etc - good grief!

I do learn a huge amount from the FWR boards and I am thankful for those - and yet threads are constantly being invaded by goady fuckers. And there is often a lot of infighting to - which I guess is to be expected. But I do feel that feminism is often a battle at every turn - and that if I'm not very cautious all the power/joy/happiness can be sucked out of it. It can be exhausting.

Some of the posters on FWR really fill me up with hope. But on a daily level it seems feminism is needed more and more, but becomes less and less important to society at large.

I went to the Feminism In London conference last year and it was amazing and inspiring and so awesome to be surrounded by so many feminists at once. All all the knowledge and power that was there. I want to go every year (no dates announced yet for 2016?). I would like to go to the RadFem conference too.

I've been on the MillionWomenRise March in London the last 2 years. I've not met any new friends there, but it is uplifting to be marching with others.

I do have some friends who are "feminists" though they are nowdays mostly preoccupied with families, partners etc. No one I know has a partner who is really clued up and supportive about feminism - which is really grim.

I would love to make some more feminist friends - not to talk about feminist issues ALL the time, but just to have that feeling of being understood and accepted.

On a more positive note, the press do seem to have more of a feminist focus at times and there are some great writers around.

I loved the documentary on Netflix "She's Beautiful When She's Angry". I read around. Sometimes I take a break.

The most amazing thing is my 8yo DD is blossoming into a glorious feminist. I'm not sure its entirely my doing - but she got "policeman" in her spellings this week and she commented how pointless and irrelevant it was to get that in her spellings - "Everyone knows we say police office now". She would NEVER say fireman for example and rolls her eyes at people who do - she is down with exclusionary language at an early age.

I've not discussed many feminist issues with her, because well she is too young to talk about rape, and sex etc. But we do talk about peoples "roles" and "gender roles" a lot. Weekend Womens Hour were talking about rape the other day and I did want to listen but the subject was fairly graphic and we were in the car so I changed channels. 8yo asked me to change back as "it was very interesting". So my daughters do give me hope.

And I deal with it in tiny little gentle ways - I challenge stuff when it comes up. When the someone at school suggests putting a bit in the newsletter asking for Dad's to volunteer for a certain job, I suggest she asks for parents to help and ask her why she would want to exclude women? "Oh yes good point" she giggles.

Yeah whatever Grimarse.

OP, I really feel your pain. I feel like this about the Internet in general. Much of it seems like such a hostile place to women, and the prevailing common sense is anti-liberal, anti-Muslim and anti-women. The comments under blogs,articles, videos etc are so wilfully misrepresentative of feminism and resentful of women's progress in general that I become afraid to comment for fear of nastiness.

It is depressing and silencing and I really have no answer except Mumsnet and especially FWR is the only place I feel safe to express myself.

Ooh, a namecheck. I'm honoured. You just don't like people disagreeing with you, Sparrow. There are individuals in every political movement who become so entrenched in being right about everything, every time, that all dissent is seen as an attempt to undermine the whole movement.

As Meditrina said; So my point is that it should encompass a wide range of approaches, political leanings, and styles of communication. When it becomes a straightjacket that leaves you frustrated/exhausted, change your approach.

Yes, I do feel the same from time to time. What keeps me going is the knowledge that keeping going is in itself a feminist act. If feminism were a harmless annoyance that wasn't changing anything then it would be ignored. The fact that people rail against it, deny it, the fact that people like Grimarse spend significant amounts of their time dissing it, means that it is doing something. The backlash is part of the process. It's difficult and dispiriting but it's necessary.

For that'should, read that's. sigh Stupid auto-incorrect.

As one of my awesome male colleagues said: "It's ok, you can have that one.

That's good - I usually get, "how come no one ever does anything for men?" despite it also being open to men. If I point that out, it's "but I'll be the only one!" Yes well, welcome to my entire career... But that'should different, apparently. I have also suggested they put their case together and take it to HR, if they feel white, heterosexual, middle-aged, middle-class men need some support because they're so discriminated against in the workplace. AFAIK, this hasn't happened to date. Odd that...