Likened to a prostitute for being a wife?!

In RL, yes mainly. However also on threads, on here, where people are talking about their own personal choices being the right ones for them. (Especially when this is the most in depth conversation many people who are sometimes somewhat socially isolated may get in a day.)

Do you mean in RL? If so then I agree. It would just be rude.

There is a respectable way to question. A time and a place. Criticising people quietly going about their day to day business is not it IMHO. Question in terms of educational inequalities, employment law, childcare facilities and few would probably be very greatly offended - they would probably support the cause. However, single people out and criticise people personally and make them feel alienated and it gives a negative association to feminism.

so....we shouldn't question why more men don't SAH and more women don't become CEOs in case it makes women feel bad

Dozer My view is how the people fulfilling these roles feel, about what they do themselves, matters the most. Disapproving, just because they are undertaking stereotypically traditional roles undervalues and alienates people. I'm not such a 'feminist' that I would actively make people, women, feel bad, just in order to express my own view of how I think society should work.

So in your opinion we don't need to worry about the skewed representation of men and women in both paid (at various levels of pay/economic or other influence) and unpaid work?

Agree that parenting, caring roles and domestic work are not sufficiently appreciated. With the exception of breastfeeding, though, I just don't accept that women are inherently much better suited than men to do this type of work. Or that men are better at stuff that's paid and lauded.

In fact, with total freedom of choice, I have preferred only having to negotiate with my husband and family over decisions made, rather than work colleagues. I feel I have much more automony, day to day, than when I was working.

The thing is Dozer, in order to fully respect these 'talented' economically 'inactive' women, it has to be considered whether and why they genuinely value SAH. Undergoing unpaid work, in looking after the family for example, should not be considered as lower in value than being 'economically active'. The fact that this seems to be such a concern suggests unpaid work is undervalued.

Of course there should continue to be research into why women SAH and go PT and why men don't, including asking people directly, and analysis of economics etc.

I don't support the current situation in my specific area of the UK though because it results in men having even more money and power and many talented women not being economically active.

And of course it's not like being a prostitute. You have an equal relationship and an emotional one. It's more than a simple exchange of services.

Of course you can be a SAHM and a feminist. Only Xenia would say otherwise and she was bonkers.

The notion that being a SAMH is prostitution is ridiculous. Saying that minimises the huge harm caused by prostitution.

"But does the fact that I was also happy to be around for the kids mean that I should have no self-respect or can't be considered a feminist because I don't earn my own money?

Amaia of course you can be a feminist.

Of course being a stay at home mum is better than being a prostitute.

Prostitution isn't 'sex work' it is prostitution. IMHOlogosjournal.com/2014/watson/

I am a sahm, for 12 years so far - as our older children have SN going to work even on a part time basis is not feasible currently. I do volunteer work and that has the flexibility I need, while allowing me to do something more personally fulfilling. I plan to go back to wage slavery in the longer term. I also am improving my DIY and decorating skills as I do up our rather ramshackle house so I really do not feel under employed. Far from it!

DH and I play to our skills and this has resulted in an outwardly traditional set up - but there is equality in our status within our marriage roles and I really don't feel my life choices deny me status as a feminist.

It is easy to make assumptions and judge other people - but it generally says more about your own insecurities than the other persons inadequacies.

Dozer, I think you've a higher chance of finding out the truth, concerning women's motivations regarding the choices they make, asking them about them, rather than not asking them. Suggesting these women are somehow so brainwashed by society, that they are incapable of explaining their own motivations truthfully, is a very controversial suggestion. Doing this allows for motivations just to be assigned to women's decisions by other people, which renders the women in question powerless to speak for themselves. I thought feminism was supposed to empower women?

"The only way to know, Dozer is to ask the women that SAH. "

Even that wouldn't reveal to what extent our choices are free. It's just assumed, for all kinds of reasons, that it will be the mother who changes or stops work.

Public sector jobs are less well paid than the private sector so it makes sense that fewer men in those jobs have SAHWs. my male colleagues with SAHWs do sometimes moan they're not paid enough to financially support a family alone.

Echoing Bertrand here, I never had the feeling of a them and us working or not-working mother thing when my children were small. I found SAHM parents very kind and I tried to reciprocate (worked for myself, from home) so that they had time off childcare, too. Often the SAHMs were the ones running PTAs and doing other things in the community, and thus directly benefiting my family. They definitely needed childcare return favours.

Most of the SAHMs now work and where I feel that I did better out of the deal when the children were small, I now try hard to make up by offering, for example, to take their dogs out with mine for walks, or giving their teenagers lifts to town, researching stuff on the internet that they don't have time to do but I might, etc.

Perhaps on MN we tend to see the cases where it doesn't feel reciprocal. Generally I found people actually being quite anxious about taking more than they were giving. Also, and again, echoing others, and I am not being sexist here, I thought it was a very positive example to my children to see how female collaboration helps everyone.

I think people sometimes forget that when your kids start school they don't suddenly stop needing lots of your time. Schools don't help by constantly scheduling events during the school day which require parental involvement - that makes it hard for wohp who feel sad and guilty when they can't get time off and hard for sahp who might be trying to get back into work.
I didn't realise how much time my dc would be home due to illness and medical appts during the school day.

I understand it too. Even though my youngest is now 8 she has had a fair bit of time off school due to illness, has been in hospital recently. Don't know how I would have managed if I was working ft. Even uf dh had done 50% it still would have been hard.

Chip oh, I understand it. It was why I chose to be a SAHP!

The flip side is that there can very little insight into the stress and strain of being a working parent,

"Bertrand it might sound like semantics, however I really do think there is a big difference between wanting to help and people thinking you are obliged to"

Oh, absolutely! That never happened to me- people were more likely to be pathetically overgrateful. Which, to be honest was just as annoying when all you've done is put 4 kids instead of 2 in your car and gone to the place you were going anyway!

I will help out my friends and have done when work and childcare have clashed. Particularly single parent friends because I do have a support system that they don't have and yes, where possible people should be nice to each other.
But in generel dual income families are benefitting in ways that I don't, so I don't feel like I owe them anything in terms of extra help beyond what friends naturally do for each other.

Bertrand it might sound like semantics, however I really do think there is a big difference between wanting to help and people thinking you are obliged to. The latter comes from some sort of entitlement felt by others over a SAHP's time. I have been on the receiving end of this and it is extremely alienating. I volunteered and wanted to volunteer but was often on the receiving end of snide comments concerning me being a SAHP. It made me feel exploited.

Actually, I do think that I should put myself out a bit for women who woh. Apart from anything else, I think it's good for my children to see people supporting and helping each other.