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Feminism: chat

Original poster

Other threads on Mumsnet.

37 replies

MyCrispBag · 12/05/2016 08:45

Can we post about those here? Or is it just bad etiquette/against the rules? I joined Mumsnet solely for this board and rarely look outside it. When I do I am often dismayed by what I find.

Part of me wants to run back here to discuss it, part of me thinks that is chicken shit and I should challenge posters in the OT... another part of me thinks I should get a fucking grip and just navigate away from the site (this part usually wins).

OP posts:
thecatfromjapan · 12/05/2016 09:35

Intuition = when your head is telling you this is wrong but mainstream culture doesn't give you the words to name how it is wrong.

thecatfromjapan · 12/05/2016 09:33

It's about boundary invasion. It's cultural grooming.

Original poster
MyCrispBag · 12/05/2016 09:33

Milk

My husband has a face like a smacked arse.

thecatfromjapan

I will but it will have to wait now. I am off out in a minute and would prefer to be able to reply to any responses.

OP posts:
LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 12/05/2016 09:32

Given the number of thread musing (and yes, that's ironic word choice) about the state of mind of the regular posters on FWR, I don't see why not!

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 12/05/2016 09:30

I'm told to "cheer up" and "smile" by both men and women. Women tend to dress it up as pretend concern though "oh dear - you look unhappy" or similar shit.

I have come to the conclusion I have Resting Bitch Face.

Sad
thecatfromjapan · 12/05/2016 09:30

Women are massively over-socialised to be 'polite' - and I put that word in inverted commas because it needs unpacking!

I do think you should say something on the thread, though. The OP deserves to hear her intuitions (and that needs unpacking too!) given ration validation.

GreenTomatoJam · 12/05/2016 09:25

I've only ever been told to cheer up by strange men, DP hasn't.

On the other hand, I've also had some lovely conversations with female strangers on the bus/waiting somewhere/in the loos, and I don't think the women weird for striking up a chat.

Perhaps that's the difference, the women pick up something my kid's dropped and make a friendly comment, or we both comment on something like there never being any paper towels and it goes from there - it's tentative and relevant, rather than a command.

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings · 12/05/2016 09:10

What a coincidence MyCrispBag! I've often been told to 'cheer up' 'smile baby' 'give us a smile' 'smile, you know you want to' 'smile love, it might never happen' but my husband never has Hmm

Almost as if no one gives a tiny fuck about women's thoughts and feelings and if they might be sad or depressed or busy or THINKING as long as they're smiling decoratively....

Original poster
MyCrispBag · 12/05/2016 09:07

or actually just discussing the other thread, and individuals on it (not OK)..

Oops, although it's more of a jumping off point. To be honest I have seen this discussed here before. What surprised me was how many people are keen to accept this behaviour. I was genuinely surprised.

OP posts:
Original poster
MyCrispBag · 12/05/2016 09:05

I wouldn't single out a poster. It's a series of posts and general consensus. I feel like an OP in another thread is being gaslighted because she thinks that a random man who drives on her street shouldn't be talking to her 9 year old daughter. The same man has told the OP to "cheer up" on one occasion.

She is basically being told she needs to get a grip and she is the one being the social weirdo by not accepting this as it is intended.

And yes actually she is being weird, because women are socialised to react to these interactions politely. After all it's not sexual or sinister! Let's not bother analysing the fact that these interactions happen almost exclusively one way.

Maybe it's me. Maybe I am just unique in that I have only been told to cheer up by random men. And that my husband is unique in never being told to cheer up by any stranger ever?

OP posts:
Trills · 12/05/2016 08:59

Depends on if you are discussing an issue that another thread made you think of (OK)

or actually just discussing the other thread, and individuals on it (not OK).

Grimarse · 12/05/2016 08:57

I don't see a problem with you discussing an issue raised elsewhere, if you want to look at that issue from a feminist perspective. Obviously, slating posters from other threads is bad form, but discussing issues isn't. This board is here because most people roll their eyes when 'feminist perspective' is mentioned.

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