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Original poster

Would you rescind offer of help?

36 replies

DraenorQueen · 05/05/2016 19:04

I've been awarded a promotion at work which will leave a vacancy in my old role. There are a few people suitable, a couple of whom I'm friendly. One male colleague, who I'm friendly with in a mentor/student kind of way messaged me asking for advice on his application. Of course, that's fine, but I made it clear I'd offer similar help to anyone else who wanted it.

Then in further conversation he said, "See, I think I have a natural advantage being male. I feel I could hammer discipline (school job!) and I'd be better for day to day people management." (Implying I've not done a good job?!) When I predictably sent a rather curt objection he protested "well that's what girls always tell me. I don't care how I get it, I'll charm (winky face)"

I feel like not offering any help at all now. I feel disappointed. He comes across, I feel, as quite immature with some views I don't like. Or am I over-reacting at the "natural advantage" comment?

OP posts:
LassWiTheDelicateAir · 05/05/2016 22:17

Unless one is applying for say a pastoral care post in a single sex boarding school I can't think of any job where being a man or a woman makes one more suitable.

0phelia · 05/05/2016 21:52

"I have a natural advantage being male".
This sort of comment is unacceptably rage inducing to probably 51% of the population.

I would be concerned as to what other highly arrogant, insulting comments he may be inclined to blurt out in none other than a teaching environment.

Arrogance and sexism like that does not belong in a teaching environment seeing as he presumably assumes all males have a natural advantage.

SenecaFalls · 05/05/2016 21:04

I second Buffy's suggestion.

Original poster
DraenorQueen · 05/05/2016 20:24

Thanks again. I'm glad you lot can see it's not just inappropriate but also an idiotic thing to say to the person who's currently in the role! I'm not going to forward the messages to the boss - who's female, BTW - but I'll certainly have a chat with my female colleague. She's actually fantastic!
Thank you for the suggestions.

OP posts:
BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 05/05/2016 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catkind · 05/05/2016 19:42

Shock That's grossly unprofessional. I'd just forward the email to the boss. It's not like he's chatting with a friend outside work (which would be bad enough), he's emailed this stuff to the current incumbent of the position. Pretty stupid really.

thatstoast · 05/05/2016 19:30

Is the boss he's going to charm male or female?

I think it's fair to say that his comments have made you reassess his suitability for the role. Obviously, you know him but out of context those comments make him sound really unlikeable and unprofessional.

aginghippy · 05/05/2016 19:21

Why does he think belittling someone is a good strategy for getting them to do what you want?

Original poster
DraenorQueen · 05/05/2016 19:14

Thanks - was dreading being told I'm "over-thinking!" I appreciate the advice.
Yes, I know I'll get to offer my opinion in the appointment, even if I won't be on the panel. I will offer him ideas and let him do what he pleases with them. There's a fab woman applying too who sadly doesn't have masses of confidence in her abilities. Always the way...!

OP posts:
DPotter · 05/05/2016 19:11

If you can bear to, I would still offer advice which would major on telling your male colleague to take the time to re-consider his sexist remarks and reviewing his whole approach to managing people. I would tell him you were shocked at his remarks and he has gone down in your estimations as a consequence. Remind him also you are in a position to forewarn your boss so he had better wise up and move in to the 21st century if he wishes to progress up the hierarchy.

Don't let him off the hook!

HermioneWeasley · 05/05/2016 19:08

Sabotage him?