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Original poster

Trans issue affecting my relationship with DD

31 replies

buckingfrolicks · 19/04/2016 14:37

My DD is 18 lives at home and has a boyfriend

I am old school feminist and brought her up to be strong independent and confident. All of which she is. She's been a vocal feminist at shook and is very switched on to equality issues generally. All good

We started to differ about the politics of trans/feminism a year or so ago. Lots of difficult but interesting thought provoking conversations followed. I ended up asking her not to call me cis for example. She and I are on the opposite sides of the table when it comes to trans issues.

I'm lost. I need a way to manage my feelings. I adore her and am so proud of her and she knows it

Today she posted a massive critical lecture to and of me on my FB page where I had linked to an article about the Green Party's use of "non-man". I have deleted my FB account and feel utterly humiliated. She didn't mean to upset me she is terribly sorry

But I need help in managing this growing point of difference. And to not put her in the feminist-hating camp. Because she is a feminist! But she and I seem to both fulfil the stereotype of the "other" viewpoint for each other. When we talk it's not too bad we find points of agreement but oh did it hurt being publicly lectured by my DD about cis bigotry and spreading of hate.

I have no idea where to post this.

OP posts:
YeOldeTrout · 06/05/2016 19:23

Sign me up to the empathy club.
I tried to explain to DD that feminism or lesbian rights can easily be in conflict with TG rights: DD won't have it. I truly hope she's right. We have agreed to disagree over CIS.

You didn't need to delete FB account, surely. Could have deleted her msg on your wall & replace it with a glib bit of humour "Now returning to our regularly scheduled Buckingfrolicks broadcasts" or some such.

If DD ranted at me like that... I would put her in the FB Acquaintences category & be mindful not to post things DD would rant at in public/friends category. And then post whatever I felt like yet again.

Can you link here to the NoMan article your DD took offence at?

mamas12 · 19/04/2016 14:51

I'm in the same position!!
What I've decided to do is not talk about it and not go on the attack
If she brings anything up I give her my viewpoint calmly and then say I will not argue as I don't want to argue. She is old enough to respect I have a point of view

But it's so hard, I'm going to sound patronising but I can see how she's been swept up with the initial momentum of it all and her passion, but she can't see the impact it will make on women

Oh anyway your dc should be on her knees humiliating you in that way I'd want her to apologise on fb if I were you

JustABigBearAlan · 19/04/2016 14:43

It must be hard, but I think you have to view it as you would any difference of opinion, be it about politics, sport whatever.

Your dd is an adult and is entitled to have her own views and you've clearly done a great job in raising her to be able to express opinions and debate. I think you'll have to agree to disagree on this. It's not a reflection or you or your relationship that she doesn't always agree with you.

If there are topics you disagree on so strongly, it would be best not to discuss them so often. It's great to have lively debates, but if you both end up feeling frustrated and you think it's damaging your relationship, then it's probably best to avoid these situations for the moment.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 19/04/2016 14:42

Why on earth did she post that on your Facebook? Regardless of your political differences, that was very disrespectful. She should be very sorry!

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 19/04/2016 14:41

Apologies if this is a glib response, but have you considered pointing her to MN? There are some incredibly eloquent and well informed posters on here, and I have seen many posters (I was one) have their eyes opened on the potentially damaging impact of trans rights on women.

She will always butt heads with you, you are her mum, but she might value being able to discuss the issues with others as well with the emotional family connection taken out of the equation.

Original poster
buckingfrolicks · 19/04/2016 14:38

#school

OP posts: