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Original poster

Female jealousy?

57 replies

loveyoulikeaplanet · 14/04/2016 22:04

In RL and in SO many threads on MN this is offered up as an explanation for women behaving badly in their interactions with other women.

A woman at work/a friend/ someone at the school gate does X ...
or made this insensitive or plain horrible remark.

Response - she's obviously jealous of you.

Can someone please explain this to me?. I don't 'get it' at all yet hear it all the time and see it on MN and other forums all the time.

Do lots of women really think this is the reason why another woman is behaving badly or simply being mean?.

This has been bugging me for ages but I haven't turned it into a thread before now. It's come into the forefront of my mind today as work with a woman who is below me in the work hierarchy (I don't give a shit about hierarchy btw) who is often rude to me and after excusing it for a while, I said something to colleagues who have clearly noticed it too and said 'I think she's probably jealous of you'.

Jealous of what? That I have a different job ? Am I supposed to believe that my position/life is what she wants and she's bitter because I have it and she doesn't?.

I think that's bollocks and she might just be a bit moody or doesn't like me for whatever reason she is entitled to hold.

I NEVER hear this said about men or by men about other men. If a man has been put down or brushed aside or criticised by another man the reason is never suggested to be jealousy.

Forums like MN are often ideologically feminist in lots of ways but this idea of female jealousy seems to be so ingrained it comes up time and time again as an immediate response on lots of threads.

OP posts:
Original poster
loveyoulikeaplanet · 15/04/2016 00:08

Mrs - exactly. I think this thread has been misinterpreted. I KNOW it is sexist to say that jealousy is the reason given for women criticising women but it is so often reduced to that.

I'm saying it's bollocks and as you so perfectly described 'women being considered to have a narrow spectrum of emotions'. And yes its sexist to suggest that - that's the point of the thread and wondering why so many perpetuate it. Seeming a little naive I hoped someone who try to explain or challenge the idea. It happens so much in RL and repeatedly on MN.

But the ingrained view was proved so clearly on this thread in feminism chat by a poster who can't have read the OP properly and concluded 'saying she's jealous (a quote I said was nothing to do with me) is a way of making you feel better about yourself'.

So on a thread complaining of women competing against each other but acknowledging how often if happens - the OP was misinterpreted as a woman having a go at another woman to make themselves feel better about themselves. I.e being jealous in some way?

Oh dear. If you can't raise this in MN feminism with an OP stating you think it's bollocks without someone thinking 'you're saying you're great and think she's not' then I have no idea where to discuss the sexist idea that women are jealous of each other or trying to put each other down to make themselves feel better.

Sob.

OP posts:
LassWiTheDelicateAir · 14/04/2016 22:49

I was bullied in my 4th year at secondary school by a group of girls. They were the thick ones who were set to leave the moment they could with no qualifications to to dead end jobs. I was the very pretty , very clever teacher's pet.

We had a mutual dislike and contempt for each other. They thought I was a stuck up snob; I thought they were stupid and unattractive. And jealous of me.

MrsBoDuke · 14/04/2016 22:48

I get what you mean.

On any thread where someone disagrees with something it's because they're jealous.
Like women have such a narrow spectrum of emotions and feelings that it can't be anything other than hormones, having a bad day, or jealousy.

Lots of people irritate the hell out of me, for a variety of reasons and I'm sure I irritate lots of people myself. I am not a jealous person and have never coveted anyone else's life, but I know that my irritation will have been put down to 'jealousy' many times.

It's just a lazy and unimaginative descriptor tbh.

Original poster
loveyoulikeaplanet · 14/04/2016 22:39

Vestal ' she's just jealous' is not a way to make me feel better about myself as you can see from my OP. I'm not sure you read the OP thoroughly.

I made it very clear I think it's bollocks and am bewildered why anyone - male or female would suggest that jealously is why someone would be rude. That is the point of my OP.

I don't really care if someone doesn't like me because I know who I am and how I behave. I'm polite and kind and treat colleagues and people in general with respect.

That doesn't mean that some people can't find me annoying or just don' t like me or whatever. That's entirely valid. Some people might think I'm an absolute knob - that's their perogative.

What I do take exception to is other people reducing that opinion the idea that a woman with a negative view of another woman must be jealous.

And it happens all the time.

OP posts:
Ludways · 14/04/2016 22:20

It is sexist to associate jealousy as a female trait and also to dismiss bad behaviour so mildly, it is also sexist to assume a woman would accept such a shallow excuse for someone behaving badly towards them, like they should be flattered. It's awful and minimising.

VestalVirgin · 14/04/2016 22:15

Strangely, this "That person is mean to you because they want the position you have" seems much more like a male thing than a female thing to me.

It is mostly men who feel entitled to everything, and get bitter about not having it.

However, I don't think many (or any) women are rude because of jealousy. I myself certainly never am, and I have more reason to be jealous than most, as my situation in life is a really shitty one.

After all, being rude doesn't get you the desired position, it only makes people think you're rude. (Unless maybe you are dealing with men, who see rudeness as a marker of dominance ... but that sort of game is nothing I would ever be able to play).

If you had gotten a promotion she wanted, then that would be different, but if you just happened to go to university and she didn't, or somesuch thing, I think it is more likely that she just doesn't like you, for whatever reason.

"She's just jealous" is probably just a way or trying to make you feel better about yourself, because it implies that you are great and she is not.

mmmminx · 14/04/2016 22:08

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