Female jealousy?

It's not all about looks though. May be money, knowledge, power, status, property, education, family, relationship, partner
Anything! And the person who is jealous may not even recognise this themself

I do agree that lots of nasty behaviour/bullying stems from jealousy.

I see it in both sexes.
It doesn't mean she is necessarily jealous of your position, it could be a whole different thing entirely thy she is envious of or annoys her. She may not even realise it herself!

I have seen it from men too as I used to work with a lot of men.

Just look at all he comments on daily mail. An attractive man will be slated by men most and attractive woman will mostly be slated by other women.

Men will shout 'jealousy' when the women do it. But they do it too!

What donajimena said. I agree that I think it is sexist. A mother saying 'they are just jealous of you darling because you are so pretty' is informing her she should feel pity of other people rather than anger at how she is being treated. Pity is an emotion you feel when you are quite calm - it's not a very nice emotion either but it is easier to 'handle' people who are feeling it than people who are feeling anger. God forbid that a bullied attractive child should fight back, or make a formal complaint, or cause trouble of some kind - better for her to reorder her emotions internally.

It is also reinforcing the constant message that women are valued for their looks - even if in theory the speaker is not confirming this message but just saying that it is what other people think, it is still saying 'you will always be judged by your looks'.

I have to say that my experience is that some quite unpleasant people think other people are jealous of them when in fact they're just a pain to be around. But I'm willing to believe that it's because i'm plug ugly and I know it In fact, I rarely feel envious of looks exactly, more of social capital and sophistication which is not quite the same thing.

Lass, everything is not all about nor directed at you.

I don't know you.
I don't know how much you weigh, how good looking you may be, how clever or intelligent you actually are.

You are, however, very 'superior' in tone and dismissive of others.

I am not and have never been a bully, I am not jealous in any way of you as I have no reason to be - but I do find your tone and posts irritating.
Perhaps I would find you irritating in real life and you would rub me up the wrong way.
Who knows?

Perhaps it wasn't just 'that you existed' that meant people didn't like you?
Perhaps there were other reasons?
Things don't generally happen in a vacuum.

it might also be that when someone does happen to have been blessed with superior looks, intelligence or social class, and that person is very self-congratulatory about that, it simply rubs people up the wrong way
Sure - 'smug' people... I think it is the sense of such people feeling superior/looking down their nose/etc is more than irritating, because it belies they have written less-fortunate others off as being worthless - for things that are simply the luck of the draw.

Of course, it might also be that when someone does happen to have been blessed with superior looks, intelligence or social class, and that person is very self-congratulatory about that, it simply rubs people up the wrong way. So rather than jealousy, it might simply be extreme irritation. Just a thought.

Oh please. I existed. I'm terribly sorry I wasn't overweight, disruptive in class, had ambition and lived in a house with books. The fact I existed was enough for the school bullies. And I'm supposed to spare a thought for them?

Yes, I agree with that, Squirrel, and your point that it is often a structural class issue, too. But, as you point out, often women are more affected by the inability to break away from these inequalities and, therefore, being judged for being 'jealous' of such inequalities seems particularly belittling to me.

Of course, it might also be that when someone does happen to have been blessed with superior looks, intelligence or social class, and that person is very self-congratulatory about that, it simply rubs people up the wrong way. So rather than jealousy, it might simply be extreme irritation. Just a thought.

A lot of people are anxious about status/status symbols and hate the thought of being judged as 'less' than other people - they are constantly churned up by jealous feelings. It is a shaky sense of inner worth isn't it?

I think by saying someone is jealous is lazy as a pp said.
For example my niece who is quite an acerbic character was being bullied by other girls. My SIL told her they were just 'jealous because she was so pretty '
lets take aside the bullying which is wrong, there was no dialogue such as 'what happened' or what should we do but just a dismissive 'oh ignore it because they are just jealous' very lazy explanation/resolution.
The only time in my life that I can possibly say that I have ever felt the emotion that I perceive to be jealously is romantically.
When I was cheated on I felt an absolute rage towards the OW and feelings of inadequacy on my part. Fortunately I never voiced these and they passed.
I simply cannot imagine that someone having a better house/car/job would invoke such horrible feelings in me.

No worries

Sorry Squirrel I meant to say it's not up to the OP to decide if I was being sexist.

Perhaps there is a lazy fallback stereotype about women being jealous to explain a range of behaviours- I might tune it out. Men's behaviour is often seen as banter, competitiveness or ego.

OP you have completely misinterpreted what Vestal said.

Pink the girls I mentioned were aggressive and, one occasion, violent. They seemed to be deeply resentful of me.

Squirrel said "bitter and resentful about others who appear to have a free pass". Spot on. It's not really up to you to decide if I was being sexist in thinking their behaviour was motivated by jealousy or spite.

Yes, of course "men get this crap too" - meaning they are derided for having or not having certain qualities, that's the point: the way we deride people is gendered. And we are analysing what that gendering implies about how society may view that gender or be biased against that gender or discriminate against that gender.

So you may hear all those other insults about men, but the OP's point is that you won'r hear this particular slur (that of attributing unpleasant behaviour to jealousy of looks or status) to men, only to women. When men are accused of jealousy it is not because they have spoken meanly or rudely to another man but , instead, when they have been aggressive or even violent to another man. If you analyse that further, I think it also reveals that society judges 'female' and 'male' jealousy quite differently.

*loveyoulikeaplanet I think Vestal did get your point.

The way I read her comment anyway, I think she was offering up a possible reason why some women do say that. Not that she agreed with the reason for them saying it.*

You are right, and I can now think of an alternative explanation as to why this woman at work doesn't like her ...

I think jealousy as an explanation for bad behaviour is not so much a woman thing as a structural inequality thing. Because women are more frequently frustrated in their ambitions by low class social status than men are, they are more likely to become bitter and resentful about others who appear to have a free pass than men are too. It is the same with social class - people in the top 1% describe the resentment and bitterness expressed by those thwarted by structural inequality as 'just' jealousy (whether male or female) too iyswim. In the bullying at school anecdote above there is a definite social class element going on.

I can't explain it OP.
This is the only time I feel jealous - when I admire a nice top a friend is wearing and she says £3 sale rail! I'm jealous of her uncanny bargain sourcing powers. For about 10 seconds.

I think some people do feel jealousy more often, I have X friend who openly admits to feeling jealous about other peoples status items. So they assume other people feel jealous - they perhaps project their own jealousy.

If you are not a jealous person, it doesn't make sense as a motive.

I think it's possible to just not like people and even resent people for irrational reasons but it's not necessarily jealousy.

When a man behaves badly, or does something mean, he's "just an idiot", especially in work contexts, but we don't tend to define them with a wide range of subtle emotions or psychological terms.

I beg to differ. Men are known as angry arseholes (as a trait, not an instance), or bullies, or wimps, cowards, idiots. We have even coined phrases for some traits - e.g. small-man syndrome for someone with an inferiority complex. We make a differentiation - sometimes these are single actions, out of character. But sometimes they are traits - 'that narky gobshite in the postroom' etc. Men get this crap too, even though you might not hear it.

To be honest I do not intend to waste my time analysing what motivated the girls who bullied me. They weren't worth it then and they aren't now.

I think there is a wide range of emotions assigned to women by default, without much thought, like hysterics, neuroses, jealousy, envy... And that is not right when we really come to think about it. It seems that women are completely defined by the emotions, the "psychological set up" that lets show its head at the first opportunity.

When a man behaves badly, or does something mean, he's "just an idiot", especially in work contexts, but we don't tend to define them with a wide range of subtle emotions or psychological terms.

Whereas a man "gets angry", which to some extent gives validity to his emotions, a woman is "hysterical/unhinged" in the same situation, which might not warrant justification. Even when we define men by emotion, the way we do it doesn't really imply a psychological issue.

I think we just have to be more careful how we use our language, especially when referring to other women, if we don't want false beliefs and gender stereotypes to spread around. I think both men and women are sometimes to blame for such sweeping, thoughtless comments.

loveyoulikeaplanet I think Vestal did get your point.

The way I read her comment anyway, I think she was offering up a possible reason why some women do say that. Not that she agreed with the reason for them saying it.

Even in relation to looks or lifestyle. All the time.
e.g why do people take the piss out of me for going to the gym, trying to get healthy or look better. A: They're just jealous.
Really, it's a common response among men.

I NEVER hear this said about men or by men about other men.

I do. All the time.

What would you prefer OP?

Jealousy seemed to fit the situation I had to deal with. Or maybe they were just stupid, vindictive, unpleasant, overweight bullies. Actually they were that as well.

I assumed at the time bullying me made them feel better about their inadequacies. I certainly didn't see it as a compliment to me but it seemed a reasonable explanation for their behaviour. They had little going for them, picking on me was something they could do.

I understand what you are saying and it is sexist, particularly as, when it is used in relation to women, it is used to suggest that women are jealous over things which are perceived as important but over which the individual has no real control - such as beauty, status/class, intelligence (as in the examples Lass outlined). Ironically, these arbitrary 'qualities' are the very ones which women are generally most admired for by society so putting women down as being 'jealous' over these important yet uncontrollable qualities is to emphasise (and even gloat over) women's general lack of power and control over their own lives and in society as a whole.

By contrast, men are not usually thought to be jealous of other men's handsomeness, class status or intelligence. Male jealousy is more associated with possessions and, in particular, possession of women and is, therefore, something over which they have a degree of control. However, when men are unable to acquire the possessions they desire and their jealousy comes to the fore, they are not derided or belittled for it at all. In this context male jealousy is seen as a strength which will help them gain the possessions they want and it is even used to excuse male violence.