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Original poster

Sharing about harmful effects of porn in a thread in feminism

38 replies

Italiangreyhound · 11/04/2016 18:20

Over on chat we are having a helpful but rather sickening conversation about porn and it's negative effects on young people.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2610074-Anybody-up-for-a-general-chat-about-the-damaging-effects-of-porn-on-young-people

This was prompted by originally sharing the article on this thread...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/2609569-Very-sad-article-about-porn-and-how-it-affects-relationships-for-young-women

I just thought, as Chat threads disappear after 30 days, that people may wish to share their stories anonymously of negative experiences of porn and other may wish to write to their MP about how porn is harming our nation's children.

I am not interested in positive experiences or free will choices, I am interested in young people negatively impacted by porn (or older people who were impacted negatively by its use in the past) or people (women and men) negatively impacted by working or being coerced to work in the porn industry.

I am well aware MPS may not want to read a thread on Mumsnet but Mumsnet themselves may wish to take this further and sharing stories in one place like this may be of use. You could still point your MP to it!

Please only share your own true insights or information you are permitted to share on behalf of another anonymously. I recognise this is all anecdotal but I also feel sharing, and being heard, could be useful.

This is for anyone who wants to share or read about ways:

to share the damaging effects of porn and early viewing or porn, - so to de-normalise it

to inspire others to write to their MP about safer controls or any other measures to challenge the view that porn is normal and that it is not dehumanising

to share resources to fight porn/useful links etc

to share ways of talking to children about it

and finally, to assist people in contacting their schools about this type of thing.

Thank you.

OP posts:
bitofadoormat · 14/04/2016 23:05

Good idea. Just checking my name change still working so I can post experience.

0phelia · 14/04/2016 22:43

I'm not on the other threads, but I have been affected by the rise of free internet porn in my profession as a sex worker.

Back in 1997, there was a review forum called "Galahad" for users of prostitutes to rate their local, named fave prostitute. This then evolved to become "Punternet" over a couple of years. This spread like wildfire and also coincided with internet porn booming.

Over that time (from about year 2000) I saw a big increase in demand for OWO (Oral sex without a condom)
I also began to see an increase in demand for Anal sex.
Then an increase in demand for bareback (PIV without condom).

Comparing the work I did before year 2000 with years 2010 untill now, it's like a different planet.

The expectations of men are so high.

I speak with "Old-school" workers and users regularly, and we all agree sex has changed.

The impact of free and prevalent hardcore pornography has changed both male and female expectations, but predominately it is men driving these demands.

Men see it like a badge of honour to do certain acts on women, and are getting these ideas from porn.

Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 14/04/2016 22:18

Vestal re "I consider it prostitution - that it is not the men they have sex with that pay them doesn't make much of a difference in the long run...." Totally true.

OP posts:
VestalVirgin · 14/04/2016 22:07

We need to be sure that they know that what they see is a film and will stay as fantasy, just like they will never drive their car the same way that James Bond does in Spectre

The problem with that is that, unlike James Bond's stunts, the sex in porn is real. The women in porn are real. The harm done to them is very real.

I have met men who thought porn was not real the way James Bond movies are not real, and therefore thought watching porn a harmless activity.

While maybe it is better for girls if their boyfriends would never do the things that the men in porn do to a "real" woman, this doesn't solve the demand for porn, and the harm done to the women who are coerced, financially or otherwise, into prostituting themselves in this way. (I consider it prostitution - that it is not the men they have sex with that pay them doesn't make much of a difference in the long run)

IdealWeather · 14/04/2016 21:42

When looking at some links from the thread in the OP, I came across that article in The Telegraph about an app to use by schools to talk about porn.

The article is very negative about it, saying that it will only serve to increase the interest of teenagers and make them aware of something they don't know about they clearly haven't see the stats about how many teenagers have come across porn.
The questions they want teenagers to ask are interesting.
Eg Why is a porn film always finishing when the guy has ejaculated? Etc...

I would prefer free porn to be banned but it's so pernicious that it will hard to police TBH.

So I much prefer education. Not just a 'don't go near that' type of approach but dissembling what porn actually is. What is happening to the porn 'stars', what sort of message is it giving about having sex, about relationship, is that appropriate etc etc
Lots of people (and I suspect esp teenagers) will find porn titilliating (sp??) and attractive. What we need to fight first and foremost is its influence and how it is seen, the same way that drugs aren't seen as good for you (even though there are plenty of people to say that they are OK too) etc... We need to be sure that they know that what they see is a film and will stay as fantasy, just like they will never drive their car the same way that James Bond does in Spectre. So no naked photos from their girlfriend, etc...

And then we need to educate much more about abuse, sexual abuse, coercion, emotional abuse. All the stuff such as 'I'll kiss you if you give me a blowjob' or 'let's get sex out of the way so we can have a nice time together'. Because of these behaviours are abusive but it seems that neither boys nor girls (nor a lot of the adults?) want/are able to see that for what it is.

Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 11/04/2016 23:01

VestalVirgin Re "Unless that comment about smartphones was with regard to the possibility of a teenager viewing porn on his smartphone and waving it in front of unsuspecting classmates, but somehow I don't think that's something that happens often."

I think this may happen, kids may tell kids to watch it, so we need to tell our kids both it is not OK to watch porn and it is not ok for one kid to force you to look at anything you don't want to look at so empower our kids to actively say no, as you say, just as we encourage them to say no to drugs and smoking and alcohol.

I wish some 'celebs' would come out against porn just as sports people came out against smoking.

OP posts:
VestalVirgin · 11/04/2016 22:42

But onahorsewithnoname are you saying because people have access to something they will use it?

I wonder the same thing. I successfully managed to not even own a smartphone, and to never watch porn.

Children are not mindless little robots that will just do everything just because they can - though I admit peer pressure may be a problem for other people. (Not for me. I had few friends, and they never tried to pressure me.)

All that is needed to keep children away from porn is the same method you use to keep them away from drugs; the "just say no" method.

(Unless that comment about smartphones was with regard to the possibility of a teenager viewing porn on his smartphone and waving it in front of unsuspecting classmates, but somehow I don't think that's something that happens often.)

You can't protect children from being indirectly affected by the fact that others view porn, but that doesn't have much to do with smartphones.

Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 11/04/2016 20:10

are kids - sorry our kids

OP posts:
Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 11/04/2016 20:10

Sorry, they can buy alcohol young too should be they can access alcohol young too

OP posts:
Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 11/04/2016 20:09

But onahorsewithnoname are you saying because people have access to something they will use it? Apparently kids have access to drugs from a young age, school age, they can buy alcohol young too, I was smoking at 12 and drinking in a pub at 15, but I don't think everyone was. I was offered various drugs at 16 and sex with total strangers and did not take people up on the offer.

It just means are kids need to know. You don't need to look at that shit, you don't need to be pushed into watching it, its degrading to others and degrading to you too as the voyeur (age-appropriate language, of course) and schools need to be empowered to remove phones in school time if they are miss-used.

OP posts:
onahorsewithnoname · 11/04/2016 19:55

The ubiquitous smartphone makes it impossible to prevent young people being affected by porn. I don't know what the answer is but it's truly terrifying.

Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 11/04/2016 19:44

Thank you Matilda let's hope others agree!

OP posts:
MatildaBeetham · 11/04/2016 18:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.