Very sad article about porn and how it affects relationships for young women

I feel like what I can learn from is the fact that I never, ever questioned their behaviour- the culture children and young people are growing up in is so, so sexualised and objectification is the norm. It's horrific.

Oh Ave

There was also a man I met online who told me he was much younger than I think he probably was when I was about 14. He had me sending him photos, which started with quite 'tame' photos (bra on etc) which turned into completely explicit photos as he blackmailed me, he set up a fake social media profile and posted two photos to warn me when i tried to stop sending him photos. i felt so, so ashamed- i felt it was all my fault and there was no way i could tell anyone. It has completely messed me up. All of it. This is such an important topic. Sorry I feel im probably not making much sense but it is good to write it down anyway.

My generation of boys were quite embarrassed about watching porn, it had a bit of a sad loser image, real life sex was the pinnacle.

My generation of men were more concerned with lasting longer and making sure their partner orgasmed. It's so sad that they men have regressed like this.

Yep, I agree with you there

But the first lesson for young men surely is that they are responsible for their own behaviour

Not that they can be excused because the women let them do it

Both young men and young women need to be educated. If boys learn about loving relationships and girls learn that they can say no, then progress will be made. If boys heard the word no, they would start to rethink their position as it is not getting them anywhere.

I am very aware of the pressures these young people are under - I have talked to one 13 year old boy who is incredibly naive and totally confused about some of the pictures (from girls aged about 12) that arrive on his phone. It is so hard for young men to find their way, plotting a path that respects women and results in happy relationships and families.

It's very hard to tackle innate and home grown stupidity, tbh

Like you said, best to start 'em young with getting the right messages in

This all makes me angry too.

My daughter is 14 and I think (hope) I'm empowering her plenty. I do my bit at work too. I work in a primary school and get lots of the older girls come to me with their issues. The stuff I've had to feed upwards is shocking, the things boys have said to these girls, the expectations from their mothers to 'attract' boys, even at such a young age, the pressure to have a boyfriend or state which boy you like best. It's wrong, they're children.

I'm worried about my son's though, more than anything. DS1 starts secondary school in September. He's had 'girlfriends', which means nothing to him. They're just female friends. He's sent the occasional Valentine's card and bought chocolates for Christmas. But the porn will start being bandied around in Y7 won't it? And all the sex talk? Where do I start with him? When do I start? He's sensitive about things but does open up to me.

As for the pornification of society, that thread yesterday was shocking. About why women work in porn. It was seen as a joke by plenty. 'Because they love sex' was a common answer. 'I'd be a porn star lol' was thrown around too. How do you tackle attitudes like that? And how many of the 'lollers' have children that they're damaging with these attitudes?

I saw a Gp today ha and have been given sedatives and anti depressants again but it's a very dark bit x

I am sorry you are depressed, Ave. I hope you are getting some support from somewhere x

Thanks, it's not a rude name or meant to be offensive. It just means I could simply be Any Fucker, like any of us on here could

Thank you AnyFucker (I love your name)

Mishaps- it is not always a 'just say no' situation

Mishaps, you don't think that the crux of the problem is that men treat us like this in the first place ?

That's a pretty blatant example of victim blaming, right there

Women, it's your own fault you get treated like shit by men. They obviously have no control over their own behaviour. Gah.

Post as much as you like, Ave

Thank you AnyFucker,
Things aren't good at the moment but that's more depression that anything. I'm not with anyone abusive anymore- my ex got locked up. So better, but in myself rubbish x

dependadultundergarment - your post makes me want to ask why you did these things if you did not like them or approve of them. Just say NO!

This is the crux of the problem - that women allow this to happen and do not tell the guy to hop on his bike and cycle off into the sunset. I can understand young girls not knowing how to deal with it - and yes that is where education comes in - but grown adult women - what can they be thinking of?

I keep posting without meaning to-
I feel very strongly about giving teenagers the power to choose with wisdom behind them.

I am sorry for your experiences, Ave

Are things better now ?

They were all porn watchers, especially my ex who made me watch porn and re enact what we had watched.
He also used to wake me up having sex with me.
None of these things were things I even questioned because I have been so accustomed to this treatment.

I have such a messed up relationship with sex, and men in general.
When I was 13 a 15year old boy at school said he would 'be my boyfriend' if I had sex with him.
He made me give him oral sex and filmed it. Sent it round to the whole school.
Boys would expect sex in all sorts of ways, oral, vaginal etc, expect to be able to film it etc.
One boy sat his dog outside the door and forced me to have sex with him or he would set the dog on me.
One boy brought 3 of his friends with him and told me I had to have sex with all of them.
I then went on to sleep around as I felt like that was all I could do; everyone hated me and I wanted to be liked. By the time I was 16 I had slept with 27 year olds.
When I was 16 I got into my first abusive relationship; broke up with him and got into my second abusive relationship.
It has completely and utterly messed me up.
We need to be having open, honest, empowering conversations with girls as early as we can.

Have posted on your new thread AF, thanks for starting

Oops cross post!
See you on the other thread. ...

AF if you can't I will, I'm relatively new and I don't think regulars will see it and immediately think "hairy feminist"
(but it won't last for long, I hang about this board way too much)