Very sad article about porn and how it affects relationships for young women

I just went to link the thread with the 'tarty' comments and the whole thread has now been deleted at the OP's request. It wasn't the OP who made the comments but two other posters.

Which means no one else can go onto that thread and report the 'tarty' comments to HQ.

Is it worth drawing their attention to this thread so they can see how people feel about using the words 'tarty' and 'slutty' when discussing 11 year old girls?

Exactly unacceptable I was obvious to porn as it used to be underground. I wouldn't have minded knowing people use soft porn because there usually was a story line, so be it sexist. Bored housewife etc.

I'm disturbed at the sexual violence etc and how accessible it is.

Thanks GH - I was having an off day yesterday. Thanks for responding.

A combination of this thread, the one in chat (which will sadly vanish) and the documentary 'Abused:The untold story' I watched last night has left me feeling incredibly depressed and despairing for the next generation.

I've just asked my DS (16) 2 questions:
Is porn too freely available to young children? Yes
Is that porn having a damaging effect? Yes, definitely.
I also asked if he felt his perception of relationships had been damaged by things he had seen but he told me it was too early for such a deep conversation and he had revision to do.

I feel slightly less concerned about him but no part of that brief chat has made me feel that we, as a society, are doing enough to protect our young from an adult world where sex is currency and women's bodies are public property.

We live in a highly sexualised world where young girls are encouraged to present themselves in a certain way and are then degraded, belittled and derided for doing so...and that's the least of it.

Ave try not to beat yourself up. You have obviously come so far in making positive changes in your life.

You have compassion for your ex - that's not a bad thing as he is the one that is troubled.

Keep strong and don't look back.

IG I think the thread Lilac was referring to was linked in the porn thread in chat. I only glanced at it mind.

I'm not in a position to comment on that other thread in Chat - as much as I want to. To be honest I find it overwhelming. I'm pregnant and have become really tearful having read some of the posts but wanted to say well done for championing change.

It's odd, I now feel uncomfortable accepting 'soft' porn. Couples can enjoy it and it's supposedly harmless but it's not really, is it? To the woman or the man. It's really degrading, particularly this hardcore stuff people are mentioning.

Thank you peyia. I am scarred by it all. Very damaged in terms of how I view everything. Lots of sympathy with my ex, feel so bad that he is hurting. I know how warped that is.

Thank you peyia. I am scarred by it all. Very damaged in terms of how I view everything. Lots of sympathy with my ex, feel so bad that he is hurting. I know how warped that is.

Not a problem Palmer - what's sad was that I wasn't entirely shocked so shows how desensitised (I) we have become.

Poor isn't it? especially as you reported it. The discussion could have been on a wider (reasoned) scale of media influences for example. Not simply referring to a child as a tart. Absolutely disgusting.

@Italiangreyhound:

Yeah, well, the man who molested me was a potential employer, and that was the only reason I talked to him - I disliked him on the telephone already. It's hard not to blame myself for not listenting to my intuition.

I just cannot imagine that I could get into a relationship with a sleazy guy without noticing what he's like, but it makes sense that girls who have nothing to compare their relationships to (or nothing good, at least) would be more easily trapped.
(Though the thought that so many women don't live in a healthy relationship, and their daughters are therefore vulnerable ... is stuff for a horror movie, it is. Apocalyptic.)

I had no idea that blatant abuse, obvious threats of violence were such a common thing in teen relationships. The worst I had imagined was "But I NEEEEED this" psychological blackmailing.

This makes me so sad.

Why are WE not asking how boys and men can bully and coercive girls and women into abusive sexual relationships! Isn't this a big part of it. WHY are the girls the gatekeepers of sexual morality

Well, me, personally, I have given up on males. Most of them just aren't capable of feeling any empathy for women, as evidenced by their porn consumption. We can, of course, tell them that they shouldn't rape girls, but will they listen?

I just have more trust in the capability of girls to build self-esteem and learn how to defend themselves than I have in the capability (and willingness) of males to learn how to be decent human beings.

If some males want to prove they can be decent people, then THEY can do the anti-porn campaigning among their fellow males.
I just don't think it's worth my time.

I know that "men are like that, you can't change them" is a point of view that misogynists also tend to have, but misogynists are of the opinion that women should still marry those shitty men.

I am of the opinion that celibacy is the superior alternative.

Wrt the 'tarty' and 'slutty' posts on the other thread I mentioned, they've deleted the 'slutty' post but the 'tarty' ones (by more than one poster and with a in one post) have been allowed to stand as 'they don't break talk guidelines'.

11 year old referred to as 'tarty' for wearing crop tops and shorts. And HQ think that's fine. And no, they haven't been on the thread either. Poor isn't it?

Yes, sorry, I thought I'd put a warning in my post, but seem not to have, pre-coffee brain!

Thanks for that

A warning that the tumblr post is harrowing.

Acid attacks are disturbingly common and are now being used by women against other women. Sometimes (on bad days) wonder why I brought my children into this and understand people's choices of being childless. It's so depressing that another human can cause such pain to another

Posters have asked why girls and women don't refuse.

This is a tumblr that has many examples of what happens to women when they refuse men.

that's HQ allowing sexualised talk about young girls. Really inspires confidence, doesn't it?

That's really disappointing! Did they not even appear on the thread to steer the conversation?

Ave I'm so sorry for your experiences and hope you're now living a life you feel empowered with.

Damp I'm just shocked that you experienced that to be honest. Sorry for you too. The expectation of some of these men is scary. Would they have stopped if you said no to unprotected sex for example? No respect for your health or fertility.

PP's have already said it. The key is educating our children, boys and girls to have independent minds. To respect other people. Basic humanity. To understand mutual consent.

I succumbed to peer pressure and lost my virginity early - I don't know how my mother could have prevented that but what she did teach me was about safe sex, yes/no and boundaries. Children will not always make the right choices but parents should give them the right tools.

This thread has upset me actually. Hearing about some of the experiences

Year 3 in the English system is about 7.

What age is Y3 Not everyone is familiar with the English school system. "Y3" could be P3 (7) or S3 (15) thanks

Sex and relationship education.
I don't have any tips. Anyone else? I think it is fair to ask these questions of our children's schools.

I'm not sure whether to approach the primary school. The HT already dislikes me for kicking up a fuss about girls' sports at the school. However, last school disco, my jaw dropped to the floor at the sight of how many girls, Y3 and up were dressed in a sexualised way. High heels, miniature versions of celebrity style party dresses, full make-up with wing tips (is that the right word?). Quite a shift in just 2 years since DD1 left and you'd see some lowish 'heels', a touch of make-up and regular fashionable preteen outfits.

Thanks for all the links provided Italiangreyhound. My own DDs are in Y8 and Y5. I plan to to share the original article with the DD1's school and try to find out how good their SRE is.

Italiangreyhound - I'm not that clear on government bills and who is who but are some snippets of what I was referring to: the private members bill presented by Caroline Lucas calling for PSHE and age-appropriate sex and relationship education to be mandatory in all primary and secondary schools www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/caroline-lucas/sex-education-green-party_b_6758104.html

The Education Select Committee recommended statutory PSHE and Sex and Relationship Education in 2015 www.sexeducationforum.org.uk/policy-campaigns/education-select-committee-report.aspx

March 2016 - Nicky Morgan refuses to make PSHE compulsory in schools

Quote from the Chief Executive of the PSHE Association ""What is most baffling about this decision is that the Government has a range of objectives it seeks to achieve through PSHE education, including teaching pupils to stay safe online, promoting children and young people’s mental health and preventing radicalisation, child sexual exploitation and violence against women and girls.

"Its decision not to address a status quo in which these issues are addressed by untrained teachers in inadequate curriculum time – or left off the curriculum altogether – is self-defeating and leaves vulnerable young people at risk"