How are we supposed to do ALL of this?

My point is that the level of skill [for DIY and housework] is the same. Not that cleaning or washing is a particularly difficult skill.

As pointed out earlier. You could read my posts, as I don't think I need to repeat most of what I said earlier.

Besides, we've seen enough threads here on cleaning to be clear that it's not necessarily a case of just wiping and pouring something down the toilet

So? If individuals want to make a rod for their own backs that's up to them.

I'm not sure what point you are making beyond some women seem to make an enormous fuss about how difficult housework is ; spend their time doing it to levels of enormous fuss because only they are capable of doing it to that standard and then complain about how they have to do this.

DadWasHere
so, it's not a myth that men pretend to be more incompetent than they really are?

dont blame "all men" -- just sort it out with yours.

When I was the stay at home parent I found that the more effective I was in the role of keeping house and child caring the more my wife felt 'disengaged' from the home and from being a mother. She would ask me to lift my game in ways so odd that, in the end, I was triple folding towels and ironing and folding underwear, things she has never done herself.

So, I stepped back, I became the level of incompetent she apparently needed me to be, obviously not in terms of caring for our kids, but for other stuff, yea. I intentionally destroyed one of our older saucepans and pretended it was an accident. Even today, over ten years later, she still talks about it happily.

Besides, we've seen enough threads here on cleaning to be clear that it's not necessarily a case of just wiping and pouring something down the toilet.

Lass, how do you know your delicates are supposed to go on the delicates cycle?
You know because someone showed you or you've learnt by experience. Same for me with hanging a picture. It's natural to me because I've seen it done enough and have done it enough.
My point is that the level of skill is the same. Not that cleaning or washing is a particularly difficult skill. But comparable if you have been taught the basics. The problem is that many girls are taught about washing but not fixing nails whereas more boys are taught about nails and not so much about washing.

Lass, you never wash woollies or delicates? Never bedding during norovirus?

You can do cleaning to a random standard or you can actually clean to get rid of limescale or grease. Or to disinfect. You won't spray window cleaners on wood, surely

New delicates go to the dry cleaners until their novelty wears off then stick them in the delicates cycle. Which you don't even need to read the instruction manual to work out.

Never had to deal with norovirus (had to Google it) So far as everything else I only clean when I don't have a cleaner- it's all basically stuff you spray on things apart from the stuff you pour down the loo. Sorry I remain completely unconvinced about cleaning being a skill.

ILeave - Nah, when doing it every day he built himself jigs to reduce the faff. Which you could do yourself, but the effort probably isn't worth it for one door. Similarly I know how to change an oil filter, but don't do it because it's pretty cheap to get someone else to do and it's a faff. Neither of those are rocket science. They are both easier with the right tools, and having had some practice.

If I wanted a wedding quality cake I'd pay someone with the skills and all the tools to make it for me. (DC birthday cakes OTOH, DP does as he loves crafty things like that).

Both with housework and diy there are easier and more difficult jobs. You can't compare the easiest of one with the most specialist of the other to make a point.
But in either case, if you've seen it done from young they seem easy and if you haven't they seem harder. So, both require similar levels of training.
I feel just at ease around a drill than with a needle.
I certainly treat most clothes properly to last longer rather than just separate by colour, as I was trained to. If you weren't trained to by a parent, you may need to look it up or keep checking washing labels until it's second nature. Much like putting up shelves.

And neither is second nature to men or women.

Oh and the mysterious tools the Carpenter referred too?

Wood plane
Chisel
Hammer
Screw driver
Sand paper

I can hang a door, they are a royal pain in the arse to do from scratch. Lots of fiddling about.

But I can hang one and I do have the tools knocking about somewhere.

Once you do learn something, it's then simple.

Hanging a door doesn't take much to learn how to do.

Some traditionally feminine tasks I find get as much praise as DIY, for e.g. baking or sewing/altering things...they are probably a better comparison with DIY and done about as often.

I think DHs and mine standards of housework are pretty similar though we both have our own things that we are more/less fussy about. He likes making the glass in the shower all shiny and smudge free, and i'm really fussy about hanging clothes up to dry.

What I would really like to see is more SAHD and WOHM combos...I don't think there's anything wrong with depending on your partner/wanting to concentrate more on domestic stuff if that's what works best for you but I think the SAHP role would be much less looked down on if more men did it.

TBH I worked with an ex-carpenter who'd hung doors for a living & he reckoned he'd get someone else in to do it for him, as it's apparently a horrid job if you don't have all the kit to make it easy.

stumbly "the very fact that it isn't in the 'average' household is just one of many reasons that feminism is still very relevant today."

how can feminism "help"?

Anyway...back to the original OP.

I don't believe the idea of feminism is that we do all of this?

The idea of feminism is that it's all shared with our life partners and the very fact that it isn't in the 'average' household is just one of many reasons that feminism is still very relevant today.

Lweji...

Your levels of cleaning are way beyond mine.

I have a clean house but our cleaning regimen is:

• Separate whites and darks (I don't believe this takes any real skill per se), we wash everything on the same cycle. We don't do anything different for 'woollens' or whatever...everything goes on 40 degrees.

• Wash dishes, dry them and put away

• If it doesn't move and isn't a window, We either wipe it with dettol wipes or dust it

• Hoover

That's it. We don't iron anything. I wasn't counting 'cooking' in housework...I agree that this involves skill akin to DIY.

To me hanging a picture isn't really DIY...I agree that's a similar level of skill as cleaning.

I mean....putting up curtain rails, hanging a door, tiling a bathroom, etc.

Sure I can do these things but I have to research them first and get better with practice = requires skill.

I've never needed to watch a YouTube video on how to open dettol wipes and wipe a surface or to wash dishes.

re the OP original questions, this is the second time I've seen someone on MN wonder why "feminism" has "left" them in this position.

irony - I'm not even sure about calling myself a feminist and I get annoyed when I see this. Feminism has helped many great things happen but it can't sort out your personal life and relationships!

and I don't perceive feminism as expecting women to do all of these things, so the question "How are we supposed to do all this" is bizarre. The key people expecting the OP to do this are herself and her partner.

Lass, you never wash woollies or delicates? Never bedding during norovirus?

You can do cleaning to a random standard or you can actually clean to get rid of limescale or grease. Or to disinfect. You won't spray window cleaners on wood, surely.

Why don't you leave?

You don't give that level of attention because you're so used to it that you do it automatically. Or at least most people do

Apart from cooking I've never given it that level of detail. Basically you spray stuff on things. Keep dark colours separate

Installing gas , electrical or plumbing equipment needs to be done correctly.

But that is not your normal DIY. You should get trained people to do it.

You don't give that level of attention because you're so used to it that you do it automatically. Or at least most people do.

Lweji - that certainly isn't the level of care and attention I give to housework and by most people's standards I'm very good at looking after the flat

I'm with RudeElf

also a lot of women posting about this refuse to withdraw basics - so tell them not to cook for the partner or do the laundry for the partner and they say "ooh no I can't do that". Then you find out they do things like remind their husband to get a card for his mum's birthday - WTF?!

There are tons of things around the flat that I wouldn't notice either and some of the cleanest most fussy and anal about the house people I know are men so I don't think it's at all fair to say men don't notice things or do them properly.