Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

How are we supposed to do ALL of this?

333 replies

cakestop2016 · 19/03/2016 19:54

Modern society is completely screwed up for modern women as far as I'm concerned. Why are we expected to go to work AND juggle all of the housework AND take care of the children's needs? Why haven't men caught up in assisting us? My DP is slowly learning that he needs to do more but why am I having to write him to-do lists, why can't he think for himself? Why does he fail to notice the greasy finger marks on the kitchen cupboards when he 'cleans' the kitchen?
why is it like this? Why does all the meal planning get left to me? I'm now seriously contemplating leaving DP and taking our DD with me because I can not live like this anymore.
what's the answer for modern women?

OP posts:
Lweji · 19/03/2016 20:04

You can work out a rota or define clear roles. Some couples may easily just take over each other as necessary. Others may need to feel they are responsible for specific things.

Or just sit and when he asks about food ask what he's doing.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 19/03/2016 20:04

Not all men are like this. If he is prepared to make an effort and learn you have hope. Otherwise you are in for a lifetime of resentment.

RudeElf · 19/03/2016 20:03

they appear to be having much the same problem

They appear to have chosen the same problem. They have choice in who they live with.

KP86 · 19/03/2016 20:03

In some ways I don't mind because then it's done properly - but I wish DH would do it properly as well.

I'm not unhappy. Lucky at the moment because I'm not working lots of hours so have time for this to be 'my job'/contribution to the family. If I was also working full time I would force him to be better.

Original poster
cakestop2016 · 19/03/2016 20:01

From the conversations I've had with other women Rude, they appear to be having much the same problem. Some of my friends complain even though they claim to 'like' doing everything themselves. Really?? Because for me, I can't stand it. If keeping a man means living like this, I'd prefer to be on my own.

OP posts:
KP86 · 19/03/2016 20:00

Unfortunately mine is also like yours. Great dad, and perfectly capable of all household tasks when asked. But I shouldn't have to ask!

He will do some things unprompted, but the majority of organising and delegating falls to me.

How to change it? Not sure!

elQuintoConyo · 19/03/2016 20:00

I refused to marry a man like that. Sadly my DSil didn't and has a rather shit, frustrating relationship with her partner where she is 2nd fiddle - 3rd, if her Mil is around.

My advice is feck off and leave him to it for a few days, if you can. Or tell him just how unsexy it is to be his second mother.

RudeElf · 19/03/2016 19:56

Thats just your man. Other men are fully functioning adults.