Single sex birthday parties

Pretty, it would make no sense for the decision to made based on hair colour, because hair colour doesn't make any difference to the likelihood of the child enjoying the party and focusing on the activity.
If the boys in that class are more likely to be kicking the cushions around the hall than they are making glittery crafts, then it's a reasonable decision to say no boys.

pretty

I said the boys are "made to" do arts and crafts at school, not that they enjoy it. And at school they have to do it, because it's school and there's no choice. We're talking about a birthday party here.

Mine have been single sex since the age of 7? I think.

I accept that they are just as susceptible to social conditioning as I was at that age. I have faith that they'll turn out fine. Like I turned out fine. Like, gender critical, feminist, independent kinda fine.

I'd think you very odd, if you challenged me on it.

I know its sexist but can be an easy usually relatively uncontroversial way of excluding kids in a way that doesn't hurt feelings as its not personal. I know in an ideal world we would all invite the whole class to everything but in reality thats often not possible. So easier to say "just girls" if your child mostly plays with girls and its not unkind to any boys personally as they ware all excluded.

Fortunately DD1 is clique-y and has a friendship group of 6 job done. DD2 is wafty and plays with most of the kids in the class which is a headache for party planning.

try explaining to a mother that her dear little boy is not invited because he'd not focus on the crafting and instead play football with your sofa cushions and you don't want that.

Much easier to just say "no boys".

Which does somewhat imply laziness. Why not use a different characteristic to exclude the DCs you don't want there? Hair colour? Age? Postcode?

As you say, excluding on the basis of gender/sex is easy.

I have done single sex parties twice - it was for cost reasons quite simply. It was upper primary age kids and the activities could have been done by either sex, but it cost more than soft play or something for smaller children.
I said to DD she would need to split the class in some way or other, and that is what she chose to do.

I'm not sure how much of it is lazy brained parents.

I've recently organised my dds 5th birthday. Asking a nearly 5 year old who should attend is a bloody nightmare. I either got not info at all or the name of every girl she's ever met.
There was no way I could cope with a whole class party so I invited all the girls plus a handful of boys (she had been to their parties).

Planning a kids birthday party is a pain in the arse. If any parents challenged me on my choice of invites I would have first felt embarrassed then angry.

Lots of kids at that age choose same sex playmates.

Pretty, try explaining to a mother that her dear little boy is not invited because he'd not focus on the crafting and instead play football with your sofa cushions and you don't want that.

Much easier to just say "no boys". Even though, nowadays, some mothers would probably argue that their boy is a girl inside ... but it used to be a factual statement that prevents arguing.

As for how to solve the problem, your DD has every right not to invite that boy again. That's what I do when I am not invited to a party.
(Alternatively, she could go on and curse his firstborn child, but that'd be a bit over the top )

The boys in her class simply won't enjoy princess crafty shite; three or four would sit there and do it, desultorily, the rest would just be running around doing their own stuff. They are all made to do arts and crafts at school, as well as gym and dance. Some of them enjoy all of it but in the main they have preferences.

This is contradictory! You say that some of the boys enjoy art and craft at school but have excluded any boys from your DDs party because you say they wouldn't enjoy it!

I've just this week sent out birthday party invitations to the 9 girls in DD's class (they're 4yo). None to the boys. It's a craft party, with glittery crap. It never once crossed my mind to say to DD that no she can't have a princess craft party because the boys wouldn't like it and she should pick something the boys would like to do too. Why on earth does she have to prove a point that she's not even aware exists at this stage? If she'd wanted a trampolining party I'd have asked all 20 kids. The boys in her class simply won't enjoy princess crafty shite; three or four would sit there and do it, desultorily, the rest would just be running around doing their own stuff. They are all made to do arts and crafts at school, as well as gym and dance. Some of them enjoy all of it but in the main they have preferences.

This is a birthday party though, not school. DD can do what she likes (within reason).

This isn't a feminist issue for us. It's an issue of letting DD have what she reasonably wants, and cost.

Btw we live overseas in a city with plenty of diversity. I'm not worried for her future feminist credentials. It's all about female empowerment here, which includes the right to be into princessy crap (FYI the complete opposite of me, being of the very generation and upbringing that reviles this stuff).

I bet the mum didn't tell him that he can't invite any girls.

The OP won't know unless she asks, will she?

If we can't take the 5 years old testimony as accurate, then I don't think speculation about what the mum may, or may not, have done is reasonable grounds for decision making!

When I was a kid, I had single sex parties ... oh wait, I still have. It's not my fault that the boys in my class never invested in a friendship with me ... and the adult men I know today aren't interested in being "just" friends, either.

Considering how many the boys my age were bullying little shits when I was in primary school, I really see nothing wrong with girls only birthday parties.

This "invite the whole class" thing seems alien to me. IF the sex segregation is by default, and not because the child's friends happen to be the same sex, then I see your point.

Mum: You've only invited boys to your party
Son: You said I can only invite 10 people, they are my 10 football friends
Mum: But that's gender stereotyping, you have to invite some girls to prove to the other parents that I'm raising you as a feminist.

I am sure that if this boy and girl were that close as friends, she would have been invited. I bet the mum didn't tell him that he can't invite any girls.

I hate these. Most of DD's good friends are girls, so he has quite often been excluded from parties that the rest of his friendship group has attended because he is the only boy :-(

Vince, in this case there's no evidence that the parents didn't do that and the boy didn't just pick boys.

Otherwise, most kids tend to bias towards friends of their own sex at this age. If you will end up asking 13 boys and 2 girls, you may get criticism for leaving out two boys.

But some children don't really have friends of the opposite sex. Why would you want to force them to, any more than you would want to force them not to iykwim?

Why would you cut down on numbers by inviting all the boys or girls when your child won't play with half of them, when there will be kids of the opposite sex that your child actually likes? That makes no sense. Give them a number and let them choose the invitees...?

DD is having a girls only party. It's not numbers - she could invite the whole class if she wanted. It's that 1) She doesn't play with any of the boys at break times. 2) There are 3 boys in class that she full on despises. 3) If she invited the boys then 2 of the girls wouldn't/couldn't come.

Her choice.

It's bollocks isn't it. Ds had a sport themed party last year and invited his friends, 3 of whom are girls. It didn't occur to either me or him to make it boys only.

Or even "Bob and Roger love football, I'll ask them!" Or "Bob and Roger are always playing football with me, I'll ask them."

Did you ask the whole class, OP? If not, did you intervene in DD's guest list and was it 50:50?

I imagine if there's any gender stereotyping it's quite likely on the part of the child.

"What do you want to do for your party?"
"A football party!"
"Ok, you can have 15 people. Bob? Sue? Roger?"
"Oh, girls never play football in the playground, or on the Telly, they don't like it. I'll have Bob and Roger."

The OP can be as persuasive as she likes, but if it's 'boys only' for a reason other than lazy-brained gender stereotyping, then she's in danger of making a total arse of herself. Her risk to take, I guess.

I'm as anti-gender stereotyping as the next person, but the OP can't reasonably say anything, and come out of it without looking foolish.

There is more than likely a combination of reasons as to why it's a football party and boys only. It could be backward gender stereotyping, but it could as easily be something far more benign.

To go and have words with the birthday Mum would be a guaranteed way of marking you out as completely socially inept, and to be avoided. It's also great fodder for anyone who even vaguely likes to have a snigger at people behind their backs.

Honestly, if you want to get your kid an invitation to future parties, this is not the way to do it.

I am normally keen to agree with the feminist pov but I have two boys and when it was time for my son's 5th party he wanted to invite pretty much everyone from pre school (22 children) and we already had about 10 coming from elsewhere. So I said boys only as a way of cutting numbers in half, and because in two years at pre school I had never heard or seen him EVER play with a girl (despite one of his closest old friends being a girl)

So in this case I would assume it was purely through practicality rather than deliberately excluding on the basis of an activity.

5yo DD would only invite girls. She is going through the 'I hate boys' phase.

8yo DS has only invited girls to his party.

If a parent gave me a lecture over who was invited to my children's party I would be very 😕