Single sex birthday parties

I'd tread very lightly, if the parents are having financial issues they shouldn't have to tell you. You could always just speak to them and ask whether your child can come, perhaps offer to pay and you should be ae to tell what is behind it from there.

As harsh as this may sound and I do not believe in gender stereotyping there may be the boy wanted all boys and you need to explain to your daughter that this may very well happen again. Also explain it could be the opposite. If you go in all guns blazing about gender and it's not, you're going to have to explain it to her anyway. If she can't go that day, organise a kick around the park with her and some of her friends so she knew girls can play too.

Off you go and have a word with the Mum then, OP.

You know you're in the right, and that she'll appreciate the little education you're about to give her - knowing, as you do, her exact reason for hosting the party this way.

@LogicalThinking: ... why?

There's about two reasons to exclude one or two people of a large group: a) those people are nasty bulllies or b) the rest of the class bullies them and your child avoids them to not become a target.

Case a) means you'd force your child to have nasty bullies at their birthday party, case b) means you'd force those poor kids to spend time with a group of people who hates them even outside school.

Maybe that's just because I have always be sort of a loner, but I'd rather not be at a party where everyone hates me. Maybe there are people who'd rather be there and miserable than miss it, but ... I don't really see how that could be, except maybe when there's delicious chocolate cake at the party.

I did think of making him invite girls to his 5th birthday party to meet my feminist credentials - but then I decided that would be bonkers.

Indeed, it would have been. The girls would have been miserable ... that, or you would have had to provide them with extra cake and games to make up for your son's behaviour.

Not a good idea to invite children to a party where the supervising adult is the only one who wants them there.

The only time I would step in is if only 1 or 2 children were intentionally excluded. I wouldn't let them invite all the class apart from 1 or 2, but 20/30 would be fine. I probably wouldn't have let them choose 14/15 boys. I think that's a bit mean.

Op - you sound like a real pain in the arse. Lighten up or your kids probably won't have to worry about parties.

I think there is overthinking going on. I've an elder DD who is a very balanced mix of stetotypical male/female traits and spends equal time with boys and girls.
At 5 my DS was v. boys only/ girls stink.. never played with them. I did think of making him invite girls to his 5th birthday party to meet my feminist credentials - but then I decided that would be bonkers. He's coming up to his 6th now and its easier to talk to him about why it might be unfair to exclude people on gender esp. as he's been to a couple of girl's parties. So this time there will be girls as well.

My 7 year old daughter had a birthday party the other week and she only invited 3 boys and 20 girls, I'm not gonna force her to invite people she doesn't want to invite it's her birthday

I think this is a bit unreasonable. I think children should pretty much be able to ask who they like to their own party. My five year old son hasnt invited the whole class - we can't afford it, and 80% are boys, just because that's mainly who he plays with. I think most parties at our school at this age are either boys or girls without loads of mixing, my son rarely gets invited to the parties of girls. But basically nobody takes offence at any party invitations, there is no point.
If you "spoke to me" about not inviting your daughter to my son's party, I would probably laugh in shock, then tell you to mind your own business (sorry!)

On the whole it should be up to the party child as to who they invite, usually with a little guidance from a parent.

Not everyone wants to do big whole class parties. Some prefer a select few.

I tend to thing that it should be the whole of one particular group o, else half or less of said group:

• all class, or half or less of class
• all girls, or half or less of the girls
• all boys, or half or less of the boys
• all of a really close friendship group, or half or less of said group

You don't invite kids to a party in the expectation of a reciprocal invitation.
You'll probably find your DD'S party invitations drying up completely if you start insisting that others subscribe to your view on gender politics for 5 year olds.

My daughter doesn't want to invite boys to her birthday party in a couple of months' time because she 'only plays with girls'. Nor does she want to go to her male classmate's party in a few weeks.

They will be 4

You're totally over reacting IMO! Not everyone can afford whole class parties and why should a child not have the party or guests they want just to cater to everyone? If you confront the parents you're going to look a bit crazy! Think of it as a money saver and get over it!

Vestal I'm very sorry you haven't met better men.

None of the men in my family are bullies or lazy. In fact they are lovely, kind and hardworking.

I'm sorry you don't have that experience.

I never did whole class parties - they were too much for my kids and me to cope with! They were always mixed gender because I let my kids choose who they wanted. If they'd have just chosen boys, I would have let them. The boys were definitely the more active ones and I always did active parties.
I wouldn't have imposed my values on them on who I thought they should have invited.
And Pretty, I didn't say that boys are more likely to kick cushions, I said "If the boys in that class are more likely to be kicking the cushions"

I wouldn't want to be responsible for a whole class..Biggest party I have done is 20 people... I did it all myself..My Ds party this year ..He is having the minimum amount of children 10 because of cost..

This is my DS birthday..His 10 closest friends are boys... So only boys are invited... I don't chose his friends.. He has moaned to me about a couple of girls he sits by ..All they talk about is hair...so he finds his only sterotypes in girls

Making the assumption that the boys are more likely to kick the cushions around than the girls is gender stereotyping and no different to saying that the redheads, or DCs with older siblings, are more likely to.

I thought like you, once.

Then, to my chargrin, I realized that boys and men stubbornly refused to live up to my expectations. They stubbornly insisted on remaining a bunch of bullies and rowdies, respectively on committing 90% of crime, despite all the feminist efforts to change their socialisation.

There are exceptions, but on the whole, boys and men are just too lazy to aspire to escaping gender stereotypes.

I don't see why we shouldn't treat them accordingly to the stereotypes if there is NO sign at all that those stereotypes don't apply.

Yes, stereotyping is lazy. Know what? I'm lazy. And in the face of the danger of having a dozen or so children run around my house and destroying my furniture, I'd become even more lazy. Sorry.

That said, I'd draw the line at a "Make-up and make-over party" for nine year olds. Not because the poor boys can't come, but because no one should tell nine year old girls that they're not beautiful enough as they are.

My sister has previously thrown a crafts party for her DS.
Boys are certainly ok with some of these.
As are girls with more sporty parties too.

I really wouldn't decide that a party would be only for girls or boys, and certainly not to avoid one or two of one gender being excluded.
I will always go with DS's preferences for guests. Apart from occasionally forcing some guests (such as one of his male cousins he was annoyed with, or his godmother's dd), rather than exclude based on sex or any other random reason.

DS (9) wasn't invited to his female best friend's last birthday party because it was an all girl, make-up and make-over party.
He wouldn't have been interested, but was still upset he couldn't go to his friend's party.

In short, OP, I agree with all the previous posts who have said if the birthday boy had really wanted your dd there, she would have been invited.

Assuming that the parents of the birthday boy had allowed him free choice - and not said "oh, we'll only have the boys at your football party because the girls will cry/shriek/want to play with dolls".

Posters on this thread have said that is how they exclude the boys from craft parties!

When my second dd started school it became obvious all her friends were boys. I was a little wary of play dates, in case the boys were only coming because their parents said they had to, and they didn't actually want to play with a girl. But every parent assured me that their sons really did like dd. She was frequently the only girl at (gender-stereotypical) boys parties. In short, OP, I agree with all the previous posts who have said if the birthday boy had really wanted your dd there, she would have been invited.

sushi But you did say that some of the boys enjoy it;

They are all made to do arts and crafts at school, as well as gym and dance. Some of them enjoy all of it but in the main they have preferences.

logical Making the assumption that the boys are more likely to kick the cushions around than the girls is gender stereotyping and no different to saying that the redheads, or DCs with older siblings, are more likely to.

And not wishing to be sexist my elder daughters make a bear all girl party was a roaring success. My younger daughters all male one was, only just, not a disaster. They weren't interested. They had spent all day at school and just wanted to run around the garden (throwing the bears as high in the air as they could). Fair enough.

I only have girls so minimal experience of this. Thankfully have a decent sized garden, it wasn't raining and a trampoline so they played on that rather than the carefully plotted party games that our female party guests have all enjoyed at previous parties over the years. A learning experience for me!

Good thing you don't live in Denmark! Here it is standard that parents 'agree' every year that parties are either all the girls, or all the boys (or, rarely, all the class). From kindergarten! I am horrified that this is an agreement everyone agrees to and upholds. No one can see my issue with it. They keep on saying I want to 'leave children out'...