Why are men so turned off by women with short hair?

Even the decision not to conform shows that there is something to conform to!

Yes! This.

What I find fascinating is how incredibly resistant some people are the the idea that their choices are on their appearance can be anything to do with socialization. Of course they are. Even the decision not to conform shows that there is something to conform to!

Well dh has to have his hair cut far more often than I do as does ds.

I think women are often under pressure from other women. I feel far more judged on my hair, clothes and make up by other women than men.

"but surely lesbians do stuff to their hair to attract other lesbians?" some do, some don't. What does your average straight chap do with his hair to attract women given that many seem to find the wash it regularly and hey, you've got dandruff so change shampoo! routine too much trouble :-) I think my wit and charm did more for my level of attractiveness than my hair. :-) My main reason for my hair style is convenience and ease of care more than how I think it looks to anyone else. Ditto the chaps I know who seem to only get it cut back every six months when it reaches a certain invisible line, or in the spring, kind of like the way they treat their garden hedges................. Not many go for topiary!

'a short-haired, butch dyke look'

Did you quite mean that to sound how it sounded, lass?

I agree there isn't something intrinsically virtuous and feminist about short hair, and I also think that it is a bit daft to assume it's as simple as 'people who spend time on their appearance must be doing it for men', because conditioning (social, not Timotei) is complicated.

SomeDyke but surely lesbians do stuff to their hair to attract other lesbians?

For whom are you doing all this?

For me, myself, I.

What I don't understand is that adopting a short-haired, butch dyke look is somehow adopting one's own style but let your hair go below a certain length and apparently one's brain cells stop working. I suppose it might be the weight of the hair.

Who gets to decide one preferred style is merely the result of socialisation but another is a strong, independent woman socking it to the patriarchy?

I agree Almond.

Because apparently what feminism now is is making really nasty remarks about women based on their haircut, and then inserting the words 'men think that ...' somewhere into the sentiment.

And then justifying such nastiness by claiming it is understanding socialisation or whatever.

"How about feminism being about freedom of choice?" Cos that's not feminism, just some sort of wishy-washy liberalism.........

The overwhelming impression I'm getting here is the amount of time and thought and worry that (many but not all) women on here are expressing regarding their appearance, and hair in particular. Styling it, shall I have it short, shall I have it long, will I look like a bloke, does it fit the shape of my face, and on and on and ON.

For whom are you doing all this? Because to be utterly frank, the women concerned don't seem to be getting much enjoyment out of all this effort! But hey, as a little academic proto-dyke, maybe I somehow skipped the 'how to do girl properly' stuff at school.

(Although I did almost succumb to the 'hairy bits are smelly and unhygienic' conspiracy against underarms, but only the once! Unless you're having major surgery, I leave body hair alone, because unlike head hair, once past a certain length, it just falls out of its own accord and twirls off down the plug hole.............(or sink trap when you get tired of cleaning all the gunk out!). If I want to enhance my appearance in a significant fashion, I find tattoos, although expensive, don't require regular maintenance.......)

That was supposed to say I don't brush it every day.

What is it about Brits and their aversion to glasses? I don't get it. I have to badger DH to wear his, instead of contacts, as they really suit him and enhance his face shape. Granted, have a bit of a thing for a man in a nice, chunky pair of glasses.. But still! It's not like he was ever bullied for them?

Totally agree soozeyhoney my long hair is very low maintenance. A cut every 3 months. I don't even prude my hair every day I just scoop it up into a messy bun or ponytail. I don't use any products apart from shampoo and conditioner.

I blow dry or straighten it on occasions when I want to, it's in great condition and ponytails keep it out of my face.

Bobs and fringes are way more maintenance.

"I looked like the male in a lesbian relationship"
There are no males in a lesbian relationship, kind of the definition of one! if you meant you looked butch, not the same, and what's wrong with that? Anyway, I'm short-haired and so is my wife, to sound like something from the life of Brian....... And she gets the double-takes when going to the loo way more often than i do, and she has the longer hair.

I've had short and long hair and every colour under the sun. I found short hair more high maintenance, the style grows out very quickly and needs a lot of trips to the hairdressers. I also seemed to have more bad hair days and it needed more styling. I only get my long hair cut every few months and usually just brush and scoop back in a ponytail for day wear. I don't bother blow drying, using products, straightening etc. It's a misconception to think all women with long hair spend hours preening in front of the mirror.

"A handful wore glasses (me included)."

This country has a problem with glasses. You'll see quite a few people wearing them during the day, but go out on a Saturday night and it's hardly anyone. I've had a few people ask me why I don't wear contacts. Why the hell should I has been my answer, but you get the feeling that glasses on a night out are really frowned upon.

I have read it and , no , still sounds patronising and judgemental , of men and women.

Attractiveness is subjective, so while there are some guys that like short hair on a girl, others don't. I wouldn't say it's anything to worry about, and I don't think you can really ask for a "why" explanation. I don't think anyone can explain in a logical way what makes them get those feelings of attraction, we all just seem to have certain preferences.

Not OP, that poster, I meant.

Lass, under the paragraph you just quoted as patronising, OP wrote that obviously she knew that was not correct. Do be fair.

I'm having this dilemma at the moment. I have quite thick, straight, brown hair. As a child and right up until I was about 30, I've mostly had long hair. My sister is a hairdresser so I've had it coloured, highlighted, permed and all sorts. After my second child I wanted it shorter and I've gone from a shoulder bob, to a chin length bob, to a graduated Bob to an Emma Willis style and then a Frankie Bridge pixie. My favourite was the pixie with sort of a swept over fringe-bit and I have had it in slightly varying degrees ever since. I have kind of a heart-shaped face and with a picture pixie I discovered cheekbones and sometimes get compliments (but mostly - 'oohhh you are brave having short hair. It's lovely but I couldn't do it' 😊)

However (and please don't flame me for this) - 90% percent of my friends have long, middle of the back, beautiful hair. On the very rare occasion that we go out, I feel very self conscious that I look completely different to any of them. I definitely don't get any attention (not that I'm after any but the occasional look would be nice!) and I know that looking like everyone else isn't necessarily a bad thing but I'm fairly quiet so I guess I probably look like the short, shy one (which I'm not) with the 'boy hair'. (I'm 5'2")

I know it's ridiculous - I know. But on those occasions I wish that I had long hair, just so I can remember what long hair (and all of the accompanying styling options) feels like.

So, I've been growing my hair since September last year. It's taking sodding forever and at this moment, I hate it. It's 'in-between' and I look like Jimmy Crankie. It comes to just about the bottom of my ear loves and not quite my chin but I feel as if it looks as though my hair has just been 'put' on my head, a bit like a Playmobil person. Yes, that's what I look like! It's too think to tuck it and too think to have it over my ears as it looks odd.

I could, at any given time, just get it cut again - it's a thought I have every morning, but the chin length, stacked bob that I'm heading for will be 'ready' around Easter sort of time.

I know that if I grow it to that length, I'll be out of this bloody horrible stage so I could just continue to grow it.

But, I caught a glimpse of my tired, puffy face in the cinema loos at the weekend (I may have nodded off for 10 minutes during The Chipmunks!) and realised that having hair surrounding my face ages me terribly.

I can't see how that will change as I continue to grow it.

I'm due the minutest of trims now and could literally just go back to a pixie again. But I'm so nearly there! My DH 'hates' my hair as it is (so that's nice but I guess I'm just kind of allowing myself this opportunity before I reach 40.

I'm on Pinterest a bit so I look for tips on how / where to put clips and hair scarf things in (I did not inherit a hairdressing gene!).

Hardly a problem in the grand scheme of things but more annoying really.

I've had both long and short hair. Long hair way more of a faff and no blow drying etc here either.

Good post PastaLaFeasta There are some rather judgemental comments on here.

I like to "embody" my feminist stance, so think short hair and chunky glasses fit with that. Shaved hair even more so. As a bonus, it suits me. Don't know how I would think if it didn't.

I moved to Britain from Scandinavia in 2004 to study at a university. In our first lecture comprising of the whole year group, some 300 students, only one female (out of around 180) had short hair -me. There might have been a handful of bobs, but otherwise the females were ALL long haired. A handful wore glasses (me included). I found it so strange. Where I come from around half of women have short hair and many wear glasses too (instead of contacts). Maybe we Scandinavians have a more utilitarian approach to life? Different aesthetics? Who knows.

I think it's just that, if you have beautiful hair, you're going to look more attractive with more of it! Many people are attracted to the beauty of healthy, shiny hair.My hair is one of my best features so I keep it shoulder-length because it looks nice

That is the most sensible comment so far.

Medium to longish (not too long, not much past your shoulder blades) hair is seen as conservative, "normal" and therefore associated with compliance to patriarchy. women who have this hair will be using their spare time to keep it nice rather than smashing women's oppression

Did you mean to be so patronising?