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Original poster

BoysToys

436 replies

SlowFJH · 13/02/2016 11:37

We have two boys and a girl (all now teenagers). My daughter was never into dolls and never really liked pink. She was into arts and crafts and loves knitting and sowing. The boys were completely stereotypical (plastic and wooden swords, guns, cars, diggers and tractors, soldiers etc).

We have good feminist friends (with three boys) who banned violent toys for boys. They always gave us the cat's bum face when they visited ours because their boys used to absolutely love playing with my sons' swords and shields. When we went out it for a walk, every stick they found was a gun - despite their parents vocal disapproval.

My friend's boys (now all strapping teenage lads) joke about how their parents banned them from having the toys they always wanted.

We definitely saw differences in toy preferences very early on. My daughter had zero interest in wheeled toys (despite my efforts) but both boys were fascinated by them virtually from day one.

I know my experience is not scientific. But there were some studies several years ago using baby apes (who obviously had not been conditioned by human systems or been exposed to advertising etc). Baby male apes showed a clear preference for mechanical toys over plush toys.

www.newscientist.com/article/dn13596-male-monkeys-prefer-boys-toys/

I'd love to hear others views on this topic... social conditioning versus biological predispositions.

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catkind · 15/02/2016 17:38

We don't give them violent toys, we try to find better alternatives e.g. water squirters that aren't shaped like guns. We don't throw out ones they are given or ban them playing at friends' houses, but we do enforce strict no aiming at people rules whatever other people's house rules are. And most importantly explain why!
Don't see why they can't learn violence is unpleasant alongside other rules of civilised society. Kids do absorb their parents' attitudes.

Lweji · 15/02/2016 14:24

DS has a couple of Nerf guns.
We have played a shoot out in the corridor.
The cat enjoyed chasing the bullets.
DS rarely pays any attention to them.

Original poster
SlowFJH · 15/02/2016 12:06

Yes I think banning a class of toy that they see all their friends playing with possibly adds to the appeal of it.

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RufusTheReindeer · 15/02/2016 11:10

We have got nerf guns

They have all used them (2 boys and a girl) but ds2 most of all

The funniest part was one halloween when ds2 was using the "life size" zombie pictures as target practice

All we could hear ( from 11 year old ds2) was

"Yay...right in the nuts"

Or

"Oh no....in the pocket"

Depending on how well he was doing

All three of mine had a range of toys and until ds1 matured into a young man dd was easily the most violent and aggressive of the three

Ds1 is much bigger and stronger now...and i havent raised a stupid daughter Smile

StarCat · 15/02/2016 10:53

We aren't anti real life weapons here. Dh and myself both spent a few years shooting as adults. It's different when you're an adult though.

StarCat · 15/02/2016 10:51

I have tried that but as autism/adhd involved she knows she shouldn't but she just has a very bad temper. We also tried it with golf clubs until she whacked her sister in the face!

Original poster
SlowFJH · 15/02/2016 10:44

My friend's sons were / are lovely. Polite, considerate and responsible. They did used to go a bit mental with my sons' swords and guns and I had to explain that you don't actually hit anyone on any part of the body - just pretend to. Perhaps socialising them to something as a toy actually helps them in the long run. Don't know. All of my children are as anti-real gun as we are.

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Original poster
SlowFJH · 15/02/2016 10:39

Sp wonderful and talking

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Original poster
SlowFJH · 15/02/2016 10:39

StarCat
Yes the people I knew who got really good at chess were let's say "a special kind wonderfull in their own way". I'm talying about people who can memorise entire games and compute options 10, 20, 30 moves ahead. I don't want to generalise here but being able to do that typically does not require a lot of empathy, social skills and care. Not saying you can't have a combination of both though.

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StarCat · 15/02/2016 10:33

You must have truat they won't dk anything stupid with them though, slow. Your boys must have been quite responsible. Maybe your friends boys weren't?

Original poster
SlowFJH · 15/02/2016 10:30

MyCrispBag
I can relate to that. Mine got into swords and knights etc after we'd visited castles. From then on it was a slippery slope.

We never tried to "ban" anything.... probably just dithered and said "Erm I'm not sure you really need the Rapid Strike CS 18 Power Blaster do you darling?"

"But the clip holds 18 foam darts and has a range of 75 feet"

"Oh very well. But afterwards let me tell you all about Gandhi and the passive resistance movement"

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StarCat · 15/02/2016 09:31

With reference to chess the reason mine couldn't do it is 1) you have to be quiet 2) you have to concentrate. wouldn't even attempt it! I think boys that play chess are the quiet, studious types.

StarCat · 15/02/2016 09:22

Our house has a lot of violence. I don't give them toys of it as it will only encourage it, surely? I don't know why parents buy their children toys like that, maybe their kids could handle it.

StarCat · 15/02/2016 09:19

Slow mine like science kits, star wars, wiu u, mario. Eldest doesn't like imaginative play or babies. It isn't her hormones it's something in her brain.

Obviouslt before I knew I bought her dolls and a play house. Seems really stupid now as all a waste of money.

MyCrispBag · 15/02/2016 08:53

I banned my oldest son from having violent toys. The result? Lego guns, empty kitchen roll swords and eventually stealing a little toy gun from a friends house... after this I have up.

I only have sons but both of them loved guns and sword and violent action figures. They also both loved play kitchens, wendy houses and my youngest loved dolls houses. They've now grown out of toys.

I used to be one of those people who angrily closed her ears to scientific studies that show innate differences between the sexes. Now I have much more nuanced opinion.

AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads · 15/02/2016 08:31

I didn't say it was a reason.

Original poster
SlowFJH · 15/02/2016 08:30

Yes that the former British Grand Master Nigel Short.

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/11549164/Sexist-chess-row-Girls-brains-are-not-hard-wired-differently-thanks.html

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EBearhug · 15/02/2016 08:26

There was some discussion in the press last year about sexism in chess, because of the comments made by a male grand master. Inevitably, Judit Polgar was asked to comment.

Original poster
SlowFJH · 15/02/2016 07:48

You're right that the origins of chess are strategy and (symbolic) war. But that's no reason for girls not to get into it IMO.

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Lweji · 15/02/2016 07:47

I have a theory about chess (and other competitive games). It tends to be men who are willing to devote almost all their waking hours to it, and to be socially accepted to do so. Most women will have other concerns or families to attend to.
Plus, from early on it won't be seen as desirable for a girl as for a boy.
I know a girl who plays chess, but she also does ballet and plays music. Shell never be great at either.

Original poster
SlowFJH · 15/02/2016 07:39

Great article here Allmybestfriends
www.thehorse.com/articles/10024/castration-in-the-horse

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AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads · 15/02/2016 07:34

I'm not sure we can use horses as an example when people have been selectively breeding them for centuries because doesn't that have an effect on genetics long-term? I know very little about animal husbandry though.

Chess is a strategy/war game, so maybe traditionally it was seen as a game for men rather than women.

Original poster
SlowFJH · 15/02/2016 07:26

For us, what started off with a yes to a water pistol ended up with an arsenal of battery powered nerf guns

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Original poster
SlowFJH · 15/02/2016 07:13

Catkind
How do you discourage violent toys? Do you go as far as saying no to particular toys they wanted?

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Original poster
SlowFJH · 15/02/2016 07:07

We made a point of introducing all three of ours to it.

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