Young dependent male children in women's only spaces?

Personally I think urinals should be banned Why? Most men are comfortable with urinals, banning them would just make toilet queues even longer.

At our nearest unisex swimming pool the showers are open but you don't have to shower naked I have never seen that before.

They're really keen on cleanliness at the swimming pool here, I guess they think you can't shower properly with a swimming costume on. I think the kids must get used to changing and showering in their own gender changing rooms as they go to the pool for swimming lessons with school.

I agree elendon regarding toilets and urinals however a lot of men are not bothered and those that are don't want to campaign to get things changed. Should women have to campaign to change this? That's a genuine question not being goady

A private members bill, perhaps ?

The set up at our local pool is a changing village with unisex single cubicles, a few larger family cubicles and then one communal changing room for each sex. The family cubicles were always taken so I would take dd, 3 into the female communal changing room and there would often be men intherewho felt entitled to strip off, even if they were withtheirwives who could deal with the kids or even if their kids were over ten and could manage by themselves

Plenty of campsites in Europe have mixed sex changing rooms and open shower blocks, and no one bats an eyelid - other than first-time British visitors, of course.

I agree elendon regarding toilets and urinals however a lot of men are not bothered and those that are don't want to campaign to get things changed. Should women have to campaign to change this? That's a genuine question not being goady.

Personally I think urinals should be banned, and everyone should be able to pass bodily functions in a private space. Male and female toilets should be exactly of the same design.

OK, kids are in bed and just sorting stuff out. Realised I don't know how to hide threads. Never mind.

No bertrand I'm not upset and you're not insensitive. Just feel I don't want to carry on in a discussion where I feel my viewpoint is seen as having such little worth. Not by everyone, but overall it's just not for me. I am strongly feminist but this had made me feel like it's the wrong sort of feminism for this board.

I do get the whole age of boys thing in a women's changing room. I will do things differently now. As I have said, I just hadn't thought about it.

The reason I am uncomfortable about him using the men's is not to do with paedophiles etc. I do understand statistics thank you. He is just nine though and just as for girls these years can be difficult.

I know my son and have spoken to him about this (not this thread, that would be weird ). He is uncomfortable and slightly embarrassed about the prospect of going into a room full of men, teenagers and boys he doesn't know and stripping off in front of them.

So I want to help my son. Thats it. Sorry if that has offended people. We have limited alternatives here. This is the closest pool to us (1 hour round trip) and we were 8 months on the waiting list.

Yes for us the best option would be unisex family rooms. Until puberty hits and he shuns me completely . Then am sure he will be more than happy to use the men's changing room.

It's quite unusual in the UK to have a shower naked rule!

At our nearest unisex swimming pool the showers are open but you don't have to shower naked I have never seen that before.

How do unisex cubicles work in regards to showers? Our pool rules state that you have to shower naked (and showering is compulsory), so you can't just go in the shower in your swimming costume - having a shower in each cubicle would be too much but how else could people shower in a unisex changing area?

My son never liked going into the boys toilet in primary school and this has continued into secondary. He's never thought of toilets as a safe space. Nor did my daughters like their female toilets in their secondary school.

Should my DD have to get changed in front of boys her age? At the moment fine she is 6 in two/three/four years absolutely not! I also have a son he will not be changing in the ladies after the age of 8. If he is not capable of changing in the men's I will make extra provision for him. Young girls deserve to feel comfortable in spaces FOR them. I wouldn't go into the men's as young boys deserve to feel comfortable in spaces FOR them. My DSS (10) would be mortified if I went into the men's to look for him or suggested that he came in the women's (I know not all ten year old would be like this before anyone jumps on me).

Again I would like to reiterate as someone said above nobody's else's rights or needs trump my daughters (or any women's) need for a safe segregated space.

Womens shelters are tricky and provision for women only and women and children should both be readily available or perhaps seperate wings so women who need to be completely segregated can be without leaving other women with children vulnerable. NO women or her children, wether male or female, should be left with an abuser with no way out.

I agree Bertrand and obviously the ideal solution is unisex cubicles for everyone.

But until that happens, why is it ok to invade women's spaces but not men's? Especially when it's the perceived lack of safety in the men's changing rooms that is causing the problem?

Sorry you feel like that tilder, really hope it doesn't put you off posting here again.

Because men have a right to men only spaces too?

I am very puzzled by people being upset enough to hide this thread-am I being incredibly stupid and insensitive?

Ok I've read most of this thread but not every single post, so apologies if this has been covered already.

I agree that boys over 8 have no place in female changing rooms. I say that as a mother of boys, although they are too young for this to be an issue.

If as a parent you perceive the male changing rooms to be unsafe for your sons alone, why don't you accompany them in there? That way you are not allowing boys to invade female-only spaces.

I think I'd announce to the men present why I was there and assure them I'd be quick and discreet and get on with it.

Am I being hopelessly unrealistic?

I have too worked with sex offenders on a regular and longstanding basis. Unlike PP I would have no issue sending my 8 yr old into a male changing room at my local pool.

I have written reports on lots of offenders, read loads of CPS a packs about them and would still do it. There are people who pose risks to children in lots of places, not just swimming pools. Anyway most people aren't sex offenders. Men who attack children are usually known to the family as you probably know.

I have never known of a sex offender randomly attacking, flashing or photographing a child in a swimming pool. I have though known those who have attacked the paperboy or their friends kids, or their own children, stepchildren. I also ensure my kids are quite savvy about this stuff.

Tilder before you go, I totally understand your viewpoint. And yes to honey badger.

Thank you honeybadger. That's how I felt. Not a comfortable place to be.

I will hide this thread now (if I can work out how on my phone ).

Reading this makes me feel really lucky the pools round here have good family changing areas.

I personally would like to see more mixed changing areas - with lockable cubicles and lockers etc in communal areas. That seems the only solution that would suit everyone.

I personally agree with Bertrand that men's changing areas are not as dangerous as some posters may think/feel.
Yes there is a very small risk but nothing in this world is risk free.

Its not a problem I personally have, but one I empathise with... Our preferred indoor pool has a huge unisex, all cubicle area - the only problem can be with getting a family changing cubicle as lazy or greedy single (as in currently unaccompanied and using the cubicle alone, not a comment on their relationship or parenthood status) people of both genders often emerge having got changed solo in a spacious family cubicle, meaning parents with children have to queue or try to squeeze into an individual cubicle with a child or two or three...) Even that no longer really affects me as my kids are no longer so little, but it shows that even "ideal" set ups fail at times... The outdoor pool we use has segregated changing but most people get changed alfresco anyway, as its a large park like area where people often spend the day and get changed or partially changed more than once...

Even though I don't have the issue I do have kids of both genders and think people are making something out of nothing thinking that having a boy who might possibly be 9 or 10, but could equally be a tall 7 year old, in a female changing area means girls are being told they are less important or have to accommodate - women are accommodating each other, some women are mothers, pre-pubescent children who are still dependant enough to need to be with their mother to get dressed are largely an extension of their mothers in this situation, because banning them is banning their mothers - a lot of feminists seem to want to discount the experience and legitimacy of mothers of dependant male children, and that is not IMO true feminism, it is a deliberately selective "easier" narrative.

I do also think that a lot of people must be misjudging the ages of some of the boys they see with their mothers in the women's changing area...

Yarh sorry - but a stupid think to take seriously surely? I have two with SN - nether visable and must say have never had problem staff have not been happy to sort out and mine have competed all over the country.

Dragon people are saying it - Ridersonthestorm said at 07:29 "Then don't go swimming until you think he's old enough to go into the male changing room alone"