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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Suicide-a feminist issue?

320 replies

whenwomenruletheworld · 01/01/2016 16:58

Tragically high male suicide rates have I think wrongly painted this as a men's issue. Aren't all the suicides men and women tragedies? And if the "man up/grow a pair" culture is in part responsible for men killing themselves in such numbers, when will society see feminism as the main opponent to the patriarchal bullshit which creates these gender stereotypes as the main hope for both men and women of dismantling them? It is disheartening to hear men talk disparagingly about feminism when my God the alternatives PUA nonsense MRA, UKIP, are so totally discredited. As someone posted on here when will there be a men's rights movement which embraces feminism as it's sister movement and which focuses on things which damage everyone?

OP posts:
unexpsoc · 12/01/2016 09:33

Sorry, I have missed far too many posts to be able to add my tuppenorth but thank you all very, very much. This is really helpful and informative for me personally.

A couple of points I did want to come back on though (because they are minor but factual points, so the type I love).

Palmer - your argument about refuse collection (as an example) being a closed shop etc. is simply not true. A lot of my friends worked the bins. Almost all of them have been moved on by Eastern European labour. How would this be possible in closed shops, legal exclusions and family affairs ? As the (badly misquoted and hashed up) joke goes - if an immigrant with no links, no qualifications and who doesn't speak the language can break into that sector, why cant women? (Yes, I get it may be to do with the sexism of the interviewer).

TheWomanInTheWall · 12/01/2016 09:15

Oops,, ignore the first of the above two posts!

TheWomanInTheWall · 12/01/2016 09:14

I don't think you are a man, itsll. I don't see where anyone said that, perhaps I missed it.

The unpaid care work I am referring to and comparing with a job is the day in day out occupation of many women (and a few men, who should also be in any stats). This might be for spouse, child or parent. The stats need to reflect this work as it keeps so many women out of the official workforce and, without it, the female experience is being under reported.

It isn't the same as an occasional favour for a neighbour done around the day job.

What were your thoughts on my question about women applying to be refuse workers? Or around prostitution being included as a risky job, given it is legal.

And to ask you for examples of jobs where women dominate, when that is your assertion, is not calling you delusional. It's asking a question,

Again, I don't know the overall balance of risk between male and female work - I do know that excluding prostitution and women's unpaid work won't give a full picture. Especially if we are comparing not only risk but "pay for risk" as well (IIRC, risky jobs tend to acknowledge that somewhat in the pay).

TheWomanInTheWall · 12/01/2016 09:06

I don't think you are a man, itsll.

The unpaid care work I am referring to and comparing with a job is the day in day out occupation of many women (and a few men, who should also be in any stats). This might be for spouse, child or parent. The stats need to reflect this work as it keeps so many women out of the official workforce and, without it, the female experience is being under reported.

It isn't the same as an occasional favour for a neighbour done around the day job.

What were your thoughts on my question about women applying to be refuse workers?

itllallbefine · 12/01/2016 08:56

Hang on a second. I posted on this thread stating that although I felt men do generally perform riskier manual tasks and suffer more workplace injury than women (for example) this did not warrant such a thing as a mens rights movement.

In response, i was reminded that women give birth and that the might injure themselves in other "unpaid" work that they do. If a man repairs the roof of his own or a neighbours house for example, falls out a ladder pruning a tree in the garden, this is apparently "a hobby" and doesn't count.

Anyone suggesting that any occupation has significant female representation to the extent that females shape it is delusional, personal experience does not count, anecdotes can only be used unchallenged if they support the general view that women have it worse in every respect and always have. I despair. Finally, and predictably, it appears that I have been "accused" of being a man for not participating in the echo chamber.

RufusTheReindeer · 12/01/2016 07:52

A number of complaints have been made about the tv version of War and Peace

The birth scene was too graphic and bloody

I mentioned this to dh and said that apparently seeing men blown up and bloodied in war was ok, but god forbid we should see a sometimes realistic birth scene...birth is easy and clean isnt it

I coukd see him thinking "how is she managing to turn this into a feminist issue"

slugseatlettuce · 12/01/2016 07:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PalmerViolet · 11/01/2016 22:30

have you read all my submissions on this thread ?

Yes, with increasing awe and wonder. I must have missed the one where you backed up your belief that Women have gained representation and even dominance in many other industries remiss of me I know, I'm sure you'll point it out to me though.

we're debating (I thought) whether men generally engage in more or less physically damaging or risky work than woman do, obviously I am therefore comparing it, yes.

I rather thought you might be. Comparing leisure activities to work seems a bit off, but no doubt you have your reasons. Perhaps you'd like to answer some of the other questions people have asked? I believe Melinda had some pertinent ones.

itllallbefine · 11/01/2016 22:13

palmer - before i go any further can you show me where i said that child birth was not dangerous ? have you read all my submissions on this thread ?

Itll, are you seriously comparing a man doing some DIY or shifting furniture to the multiple hours of unpaid care work women provide each day?

we're debating (I thought) whether men generally engage in more or less physically damaging or risky work than woman do, obviously I am therefore comparing it, yes.

TheWomanInTheWall · 11/01/2016 21:55

My position is that far more day to day female labour is uncaptured in any job statistics than male labour. Some of that female labour may be risky.

PalmerViolet · 11/01/2016 21:54

Itll, are you seriously comparing a man doing some DIY or shifting furniture to the multiple hours of unpaid care work women provide each day?

TheWomanInTheWall · 11/01/2016 21:51

"Your belief is that the number of women popping stitches out of their c-section wounds, or spraining a wrist helping an elderly relative up to the bathroom when added to the injuries women sustain in the workplace, is at least the same as if not more than the amount of men who injure themselves in the workplace no "

No, that's not my position.

itllallbefine · 11/01/2016 21:51

oh sorry :) i got the wrong end of the stick....just read it again.

MelindaMay · 11/01/2016 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itllallbefine · 11/01/2016 21:22

TWITW - OK - i apologise if you think I am being snide.

Your belief is that the number of women popping stitches out of their c-section wounds, or spraining a wrist helping an elderly relative up to the bathroom when added to the injuries women sustain in the workplace, is at least the same as if not more than the amount of men who injure themselves in the workplace no ? My position is that if you are counting all unpaid work, then you have to add on for example men injuring themselves doing DIY or shifting furniture for elderly relatives and so and so forth.

Melinda

OK, you are suggesting that my position that men suffer more workplace injuries than women is equivalent to saying that women suffer no injuries at all?

PalmerViolet · 11/01/2016 21:08

Sorry palmer I'm not buying that women aren't binmen/scaffolders/working on the roads because they are excluded. Women have gained representation and even dominance in many other industries, so these ones, which most men do not want to do either, must be especially effective and shutting out females. It doesn't make sense.

Interesting.

Which fields, other than child care and care do women have dominance in, exactly?

And what precisely doesn't make sense about the expressions closed shops, legal exclusions and family affairs?

The point I made is that these jobs might not be the kind of thing that Oxbridge grads want, they are however well paid in comparison with other unskilled labour and therefore tend to be jobs that are attractive to men for other reasons. I also made the point that the people men already working in those industries actively and passively exclude women from them.

Please, tell what you don't understand about that, and I'll try and explain it again in a way you can.

And childbirth isn't dangerous? Oh, dear lord! Hmm

TheWomanInTheWall · 11/01/2016 19:41

"Women have gained representation and even dominance in many other industries, so these ones, which most men do not want to do either, must be especially effective and shutting out females. It doesn't make sense."

Do you believe that a woman interviewing or applying for a refuse worker job, on the same day as a man interviews or applies for it, would have an absolutely equal chance of getting it? There would be no subconscious or overt preference in the recruiter's mind?

Incidentally, the same subconscious or overt preference might be there, the other way, when recruiting a care worker or nursery nurse, but to say effectively "if women wanted these jobs they would have them" is a tad simplistic.

TheWomanInTheWall · 11/01/2016 19:38

Don't be snide, itll.

Your argument seemed to be that because your grandfathers were disabled by their jobs and your grandmothers were not disabled by childbirth, men had it riskier. I was pointing out that you can't draw that conclusion from a sample size of four.

Then I went on to cite (whilst stating that i didn't know figures, though you omitted that from your partial - in both senses -quote) possible times where women doing unpaid work (which isn't usually counted in any kind of job related injury statistics but which is still work, of course) could be injured.

MelindaMay · 11/01/2016 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itllallbefine · 11/01/2016 19:14

And unpaid care work is usually fine by women and is often manual and risky (bursting c section stitches hailing an older child or frail grandparent about, for example)

mmm hmm.

Anecdote is not data.

Indeed it is not. Yet you seem to be using them to support your arguments.

Sorry palmer I'm not buying that women aren't binmen/scaffolders/working on the roads because they are excluded. Women have gained representation and even dominance in many other industries, so these ones, which most men do not want to do either, must be especially effective and shutting out females. It doesn't make sense.

My problem with MRAs is that it seems inconsistent to say on the one hand that feminism is not needed anymore (which I gather is what most of them think), or is damaging/flawed whatever, but on the other "lets have a movement for men's rights".

PalmerViolet · 11/01/2016 18:33

An interesting question might be:

Why are only men allowed to work down mines? Why is it mostly men who are bin men? Why is it mostly men who work in sewerage?

A probable answer is that those are some of the best paid jobs for people of a certain demographic. And, in the cases of bin men and sewerage workers, they have always been closed shops in terms of who is employed. Probably less so now, but they still tend to be family affairs.

TheWomanInTheWall · 11/01/2016 18:32

I can help you with that, Dervel:

  1. Read a Tony Parsons book
  2. Vow to do the exact opposite WRT female characters

There you go!

Dervel · 11/01/2016 18:26

I wholeheartedly agree about male experiences being over represented and made the default in the media. I have literary aspirations myself and a big part of why I am here is to make sure my female characters are written as richly and with as much depth as my male ones. Cos honestly stories that can't do both sexes justice are ultimately just disappointing and unsatisfying.

TheWomanInTheWall · 11/01/2016 18:18

Unexp not useby, sorry!

TheWomanInTheWall · 11/01/2016 18:17

Dervel, of course there are variants within a class but is a homeless woman more or less privileged than a homeless man? It's possible fewer women are homeless because prostitution is more widespread - is that a privilege? Etc.

Of course there are always nuances. But I still haven't seen useby state an issue for men that isn't addressed in part or full by feminism/patriarchy smashing.

I agree we do not know each other's lived experiences, although the male experience is far more covered in films, books etc, so perhaps women have a greater chance than vice versa,