Sexist conditioning starts young doesn't it?

28 replies

AradiasDaemon · 31/12/2015 01:02

My DS is 4, started reception in September. Up till then he has never had any negativity from us or from extended family (though had to virtually gag FIL occasionally) about girls or women. If he liked something, (eg toys or when he fell in love with a pink kids handbag) we have never expressed any judgement and he's never seen things as 'just for girls' or 'just for boys'.

Now he's recently started to speak in a derogatory way about anything he perceives as 'for girls'. Such as using a pink cup. Ffs! Or saying that boys are so much better than girls at X. We've been pulling him up on it every time and DH has been making a point of talking about it with him when he does.

There is a definite split socially at school and the girls and boys only seem to play with kids of the same gender but I wasn't expecting to hear this shit come out of his mouth so young!

It has opened DH's eyes to the conditioning that takes place socially. He has discovered feminism with me as I have talked a lot with him as I have had my own eyes opened over the last few years, so I'm glad DS at least has a positive feminist male role model in his life. Still depressed the shit out of me though, I have to admit.

He's only 4 ffs! No wonder we live in a patriarchal society.

OP posts:

BungoWomble · 03/01/2016 18:21

You're lucky. I sent my little girl to nursery at 9 months old, where she was the only little girl not dressed in pink. She'd noticed that before the age of 2 and has been asking for pink ever since. At 5 I'm regularly hearing that boys at her school are nasty, well because they are already the more likely to hit out, or just play rough more and are more inconsiderate of others around them.

triafemm · 03/01/2016 00:24

Want to know why? Let me explain so you can sleep at night.

For every parent like you who wants to be rid of such stereotypes, there will be dozens and dozens of parents who bring their children up with these stereotypes and feed them stuff like "you don't want a doll! dolls are for girls! girls are pansies you don't want to be a pansy!" (to a boy) or "you don't want an action figure! they are for boys and boys are stupid!" (to a girl).

You're welcome.

ChocChocPorridge · 31/12/2015 08:03

It may not stick - DS1 is a year older than yours and started with a bit of that (it helps that his head is in the clouds so he misses a lot of what's going on) - the other day he came up to me in the bath though, and said he had to tell me something. He paused and said that 'some people at school had been saying that some things were just for boys or just for girls like pink and purple. But I don't think that and you don't think that do you mummy'.

It turned out he'd been talking about favourite colours with dp, who'd said his favourite colour was purple, and DS knows that mine has always been blue.

He still chose sparkly shoes for Christmas, and would choose stuff in whatever colour took his fancy at the time. I don't think he'd be a trailblazer in a party dress (although his star wars costume is Captain Phasma because her costume was silver), but he's pretty secure about the idea that anyone can do anything so far, which is all I think you could want in a 5 year old.

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