Why do men do this?

How sad to report that other thread.

I do quite often smile at complete strangers, like many posters above. But only when I want to and there is a connection.

Exactly sashh.

I know the stare, OP, I know exactly what you mean. I'm amazed that some women have so internalised the conditioning that they think they're obliged to smile to appease a threat, and that's A-OK. If you're fine with being obliged to convey to strangers with submissive body language that you accept their dominance, then crack on, but I won't be partaking.

The difference between someone making a human connection, ie someone you don't know smiling at you because you've both just noticed a cute puppy or a rainbow and you both smile at each other to acknowledge the moment, and the aggressive dominant stare-down some men like to throw about is chalk and cheese.

I have a very piercing stare, I call it The Cold Blue Stare of Death, and it can come over as very aggressive, so I have to deploy it very carefully, and never point it at a strange man because I know from experience that a certain type of man will read it as a threat (and correctly so because if an unknown man is approaching me in the street I am probably on threat alert).

A smile costs nothing.

Really? Really?

No it costs a lot, it costs my self respect, I don't want to smile, I don't want another person to think I have to do what they say just because they are entitled to my smile.

Should I smile if I have just had a cancer diagnosis, heard about the death of a parent, was raped by someone who looks just like you? Or even if I just don't feel like it.

The issue with nodding and smiling at men who are staring at you is that, depending on what is actually going on in their heads, it can be taken as an invitation for them to become more sexually aggressive. They think you're acknowledging their advances and you are interested in them, when that isn't what most women intend with a nod and smile.

Fairenuff

squidzin I reported the post and am glad it was deleted.

Onemorecasualty

?

I'm confused again, I feel you were going somewhere and haven't?

Why was coffeeisnectar's first post deleted? I don't understand mnhq sometimes. It wasn't a shocking post.

Ah, I see!

Onemorecasualty
I didn't when I was first reading it, but I got clued in by the end.

I only found and read this thread when it bumped in the Active thread feed.

squidz
His exact words were,
"What you doing in a place like this? You wouldn't know how to use most of this stuff" and laughed with his buddies.

I wouldn't say 'come upnto me' but walked past and adopted the "I'm hard" pose as we got nearer sort of thingy, its hard to describe in text.

See you, I assume you know the second thread you mention was based on a distortion of this OP?

I have absolutely never noticed this happen. I must be hideous and repellent to the opposite sex!

I believe there are different situations and each should be judged on their own merits.
Eg: OP in this thread was stared at for an extended period as she approached work men. There was no reason for them to stare for that long that I can think of other than intimidation and being fuckwits.
Instead mother thread, deleted now, about an hypothetical of a man stood who was looking in the general direction of someone and asking how the repliers would perceive such situation. In the situation it isn't clear whether the guy was being a dick or not so should be judged slightly differently.

Like, if I was sat in a cafe and a woman drifted away and looked in my general direction and it made me uncomfortable and I said something to her, she should apologise even though she wasnt doing it maliciously. If she was consciously sat staring, even if she was thinking I looked OK, and it made me uncomfortable, which it would, then she'd be doing it purposefully and there for totally at fault.

Just wondering what would be good wording to use if reporting this kind of behaviour, that conveys the threat level?

I'd use "got in my face/staring me down" for a man deliberately standing in my way. Am sure there's more evocative phrasing though, that screams dominance display (cynically I suspect that describing behaviour that might be aimed at men too would be taken more seriously).

I find Wickes to be quite boring.

What? In DIY shops men have asked "What are you doing in here" ?

Men have come up to you with clenched fists?

Crikey I don't want to live where you live.

That's interesting. So presumably you believe OP and other women's reports then?

So, some men stare with sexual aggression at women and with other physical aggression at men they perceive to be weaker? Is that your nessage?

That's what I've found and I'd say its very very common between men. Even just walking past one another in the street, from my point of view they'll see me approach, their head comes up, their shoulders go back and the chest comes forward. Their neck stiffens and they walk with that "I'm desperate for a dump" sort of gait. Usually with fists clenched. They scowl and often say things, sometimes not, then I'm past and on my merry way until the next 'man' I come across.

I'd say, from my perspective, that is probably 90% of the men I encounter.

In DIY shops, where the real men hang out , its worse. I've had them ask me what I'm doing in there and laugh in my face. One guy shoulder barged me out of the way because I was looking at a section of the screws that he evidently wanted to look at.

Bit I could sit and type hundreds of examples of when I've been judged as lesser and intimidated and such. I won't though.

It all seems that a lot of men feel the need to put on an overtly aggressive and dominant front with people, I don't know why? Like theyre all part of the same pissing contest that not everyone knows the rules too.
Does that make sense? Probably not, I tend to confuse myself a lot.

And urrrrrrgh to the "get wet for dominance" shizzle!

Ah, sorry, the first bit if my post was to you but the second to Seeyou, I should have put his name in as well!

"some men stare with sexual aggression at women and with other physical aggression at men they perceive to be weaker? Is that your message?"
Not really. I was just trying to show that it's NOT just a look, and the 'stare and you look away', or 'stare and can I make you smile' game being played by some men directed at women IS about dominance and submission. And they do it towards women because they expect us to submit BECAUSE we're women. They might also try to be dominant over SOME men in the same way, but I betcha it's SOME men as opposed to MOST women.

And after a quick search, I found some rather unsavoury offerings on an 'how to pick up the girls type website' (let's not give them any more clicks by giving the url!). I quote:

"Good strong eye contact is an emblematic trait of leaders and powerful men because it is an overt display of dominance. A man who is poor at holding it is seen by women as a fragile man who cannot handle her eyes nor handle her. This is certainly not an impression you want to give. Simply put, women get wet for dominance and for the rare men who display it."

Enuf said..................