Are women conditioned to think they always have to be "nice"?

I was brought up to always be nice and to put other people first but it has never occurred to me that it's because I'm female. My brother was brought up the same way and I've taught my boys the same. We never had girls stuff and boys stuff either though so I think in my case it's because my family always thought kindness was more important than anything else.
Thinking about it more recently, especially how I interact with people it isn't always the best thing. I've ended up in some shitty situations because I see other people as more important than myself and I avoid conflict at all costs. I don't know where I'm going with this post to be honest so I'll stop wittering now.

Yay Magical!
Cerseirys yes then, that does look like unnecessary compliance. It'd be interesting to study Facebook friend list politics. Do women tend to have friends they don't agree with because they don't want to reject requests and friend people to get onside? DH wouldn't ever pull anyone up on Facebook because he has only 20 friends and also because he doesn't feel other people's opinions reflect on him. I'm more likely to comment or unfriend I don't necessarily think I'm going to change anyone's mind but I don't want to be seen to be validating odious opinions. Which could also be seen as wanting to be admired or considered 'nice'.
Gender definitely plays a part in it but it's complex.

Yes. I'm very nice, and would be horrified if anyone thought otherwise. DH is nice, but doesn't care whether others think he's nice. A woman or girl who speaks up is considered bossy or stroppy. When women are accused of e.g. playing mind games, nagging, or flirting to influence people, I think it's because we've had to think of an indirect way of getting what we want rather than directly asking. I'm going to try to be more direct (but polite) in future, it's much harder work going the long way round!

Yes. And conditioned to to expect "niceness" from other women. You can see that on mumsnet- any hints of disagreement and there are cries of "pouring vitriol" and so on.

And feminists are always being told "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar" and to explain again -nicely- to men what sexism is...........

Ham,good for you re selfish guy on train!

I agree with Seriously - work colleagues and their personal opinions are arguably not the best example. I've bit my tongue on so many occasions that it now doubles as a colander - not because I'm nice but because I can't afford to piss them off for professional reasons.

That having been said: yes, women are conditioned to be nice, IMO. I'm working hard to mitigate that in my personal life and I'm finding that it actually feels bloody brilliant when you say something and actually realise everyone else does not automatically assume that you are the least important person in the room.

Thanks to this thread I've just told the guy sitting next to me on the train that him spreading his legs on his seat the way he was doing was taking up half of my sitting space. He was visibly miffed that I complained but apologized and complied. Yay!

Women have been, and continue to be, socialised away from behaviors that generate dominance or leadership. Avoiding confrontation and tone policing are symptoms of this.

I think women are conditioned to be nice, but that that's not a good example!
There are lots of good reasons for not challenging a work colleague. A more relevant example of women's niceness would be not complaining about bad service, praising little girls for playing quietly or giving up toys when playing, expecting turn taking in class when boys are praised for putting themselves forward.