Is this rape?

I should not have gotten myself into that situation.
I should not have worn that dress.
I should not have had that last pint.
I should have paid more attention to my drink.
I should not have walked home alone.
I should not have gone home with him.
I should not have given him the wrong idea.
I should not have let him.
I should have let him.
I should have fought back.
I should not have fought back.

We always blame ourselves when actually it boils down to:

He should not have put his penis where it wasn't wanted.

Even victims of violent stranger rape can experience orgasm as a purely physiological response. Doesn't mean its not rape.

The thing is I was really enjoying the experience, up and until that point. On hindsight it's because I'm a human and enjoy sex, for pleasure.

I'd like to give to QueenStromba.

Thanks, Baconyum.

Elendon I'm so sorry that happened to you

Actually, here I go again. I didn't let him continue, he decided to continue, despite me asking him not to.

'I think this was one of those times where you go along with it because you can't be arsed' and from another 'yes, we've all been in situations where you can't be bothered but think "whatever"'

What is it you think that they can't be arsed doing? It's put up the resistance required! Of course they don't want to see it as a threat, but here's what's going through their head:

If I say no, then he'll go on and on, asking, pushing, whining, he'll get angry and flounce, probably go and make up stuff to his mates. I just want to be asleep, I don't want to spend half an hour justifying why I don't want to have sex with him, so it'll be quicker if I just have sex with him.

Since you're happy with the mugger, we'll keep running with that. It's not a mugger any more though, it's a beggar, one of those ones who just won't take no for an answer, and they're next to you, in a room that you're trying to sleep in, and you just want to go to sleep but he keeps asking for a tenner. Do you give him the tenner? Of course you bloody do. And is that beggar certainly guilty of extorting that money? Of course he is.

Same thing. But instead of money, it's putting a penis into a person.

Not unlikely unfortunately - there'd probably be 2-3 CSA survivors in a group that size.

It sometimes takes a while for this to sink in.

Regarding my first sexual experience, I wanted it to stop as it was too painful, I expressed that verbally and physically. I was told, you can't stop now, and he continued. He was much bigger than me, so I let him continue. This happened in 1979, when I was eighteen, I only realised that this was rape about 7 years ago.

Queen, more than that she's completely normalised sexual abuse that's what makes me think CSA. She was so out of step even with others on the programme who's boundaries were blurry.

Just terrifying!

No problem elendon.

The blonde girl to me was very obviously someone who has been raped but hasn't admitted it to herself.

Sorry, Baconyum, I didn't mean to imply you blamed them. Yes, I too was worried for the young blonde haired woman.

No I don't blame the girls I blame their parents/schools/society. As I said the very blonde girl had me really worried.

Yeah, if the Met's version of SVU rarely see it then it must be a vanishingly small percentage of rapes. I also think that most rape victims probably don't think of themselves as such either - I spent four years kidding myself that I hadn't been raped and I've seen plenty of threads on here where women are just coming to the realisation that they were raped by friends or partners.

I don't blame the young women who had those views, I blame society which patriarchal

All young people need educating regarding sexual relationships and boundaries. This should start early, in primary school, especially boundaries. I took part as a parent in restructuring the sex and relationships policy of the primary school my children went to (one with sen, so I looked at it from an SEN viewpoint). We decided to rename it relationships and sex. Also, we decided to emphasise, from an early age, that social and physical boundaries exist and must be respected. These last two points were agreed by all.

I think most rapists don't think of themselves as rapists when you consider most rapes are by people the victim knows, even someone the victim has previously slept with! That's the problem!

We need to re-educate people as to what rape is. It's so rarely a stranger dragging a woman down an alley.

I would also not like to be alone with JAPAB. I'm sure that at the very least he'd be a man that I instinctively wouldn't feel safe saying no to, but rapist who doesn't think he's a rapist or rapist that only rapes when he's sure he'll get away with it also seem fairly likely to me.

Their boundaries were almost non existent! My almost 15 yr old has more sense! Lads mostly just as bad with very few exceptions!

Baconyum
Those girls needed bloody educating!!

Their boundaries were not particularly tight, and the lads they were with could also do with some. Going along with it because you can't be bothered or arsed to object or otherwise not to, might not mean a legal rape has occurred, but it is not a position someone should have to be in or accept.

I wouldn't want any woman or girl near japab frankly!

Those girls needed bloody educating!! And Blondie's view was so weird I genuinely think she is possibly a victim of long term CSA.

I can't be the only woman on this thread thinking "god I would hate to be left alone with JAPAB"? Scary, scary attitudes. And as pp have pointed out, underlying it all is a belief that women's vaginas are merely objects, of less value than wallets, existing in a permanent state of availability. Bleurgh.