changed my surname but hate this way of being addressed

No, I'm trying to finish a book and am in a permanently harassed bad mood at the moment. Plus I don't do drop-offs and pick-ups, so I'd have to trek over specially and bite off heads! I should probably get a night's sleep before doing anything. I will, though.

Liomsa that's really bad that they can't get something as clear as your name correct! They obviously can't get their heads around two Doctors being married to each other. Have you spoken to them about it?

My son's new preschool, despite having had numerous firms filled out clearly by me and DH in which it is clear that I am Dr Liomsa Mysurname and my husband is Dr Hisname HisSurname - we're married and our son has both surnames - keeps billing us as Miss Liomsa MySurname and Dr HisSurname. Not only concluding that, if I'm not using DH's name, I must not be married to him, but that Miss clearly trumps 'Dr'.

I'm more than a bit astonished that an otherwise professional organisation is so 1950s.

" I married and changed my name at 18 and being Mrs his initial his surname felt grown up and official. "

losing your identity felt 'grown up'?

I wonder if men would feel like that. How women are infantilised.

Crazy has been shown the door after an impressive afternoon trolling FWR, I believe.

iwould - I'm often so tempted to return to sender marked 'one addressee not known at this address'.

DP's aunt always addresses cards to Mr and Mrs DP's initial DP's surname. We're not even married (which she knows). So as she has omitted to include my title, my first name and my surname I don't bother opening them.

crazy Wtf are you on?

Quit your whining op

I sometimes post on threads where women are planning to change their names and I warn them that this is what they are signing up to. They have all ignored me, I just don't think they believe it will happen.

If you're going to change your name to your husband's I'm pretty sure this was only to be expected.

Really? Another reason I'm glad I didn't change my last name, if it meant also giving up my first...

My PILs manage to send a flipping anniversary card to Mr and Mrs DHinitial DHLastname. I find it almost impressive that they've managed to use none of my names or my title.

If you're going to change your name to your husband's I'm pretty sure this was only to be expected. I don't agree. Firstly, it's old-fashioned and therefore not really to be expected. Secondly, my last name was my father's. And, for that matter, my mother's, brother's and others'. My first name is mine, all mine. It was given to me with love and care not just legally what I was always going to be called. 'Losing' your first name is a much bigger deal to me than my last name.

Ironically I took Sir Terry's first and last names but neither of my DH's.

If you're going to change your name to your husband's I'm pretty sure this was only to be expected.

Jesus, I saw this happen when I was a child in the 70s and I thought was bloody awful then.

Of course challenge it - just correct them with the right initial.

I'm surprised at the school too. There are certainly many more people on our class list with one parent, two parents/two surnames and double-barrelled or single- and double-barrelled than there are Mr and Mrs Someone. That sentence made no sense! What I'm trying to say is that there are very few couples with one surname on DD's class list.

I was brought up to address letters to married couples in the format Mr and Mrs DHInitial Surname if the woman had taken the husband's surname. Longer term I supposed I assumed (wrongly) that if the woman was following the sexist traditions of changing surname and title she'd expect the traditional form of address on Christmas cards etc too. I stopped a couple of years ago after another thread like this. I've never used the husband's initial when addressing the woman singly though.

The only time I have ever had correspondence addressed to me like that is from my MIL - I hate it
I have never had anything formal in that format - certainly wouldn't expect it from school, that's really odd.

But surely the vast majority of people don't call wives by their husbands names, especially not a school!
My family aren't particularly open minded but even I get called by my name! I can only once remember being called Mrs initial of h' s name by a very elderly aunt and I've forgiven her as she didn't do it offensively

I'm more annoyed I've been removed from our joint tenancy agreement with the letting agent as I earnt less than my husband. It makes me fume tbqh, though atm admittedly I'm out of paid employment (I have a severely disabled teenage child awaiting major surgery)

Just thought.

Harold says, I want to be called Sarah, everyone says OK fine we'll respect that.

Woman says I want to be called Sarah not Harold and large number of people say tough fuck you, you're Harold now and that's what I'm going to call you whether you like it or not.

It is no longer traditional for women to be called by their husband's full name eg Mrs Harold Wilson, most people would think it was weird if a company sent out mailshots like that.

It's the same for Mrs H Wilson. If your name is Sarah.... You're not there are you. Unless changed your name to Harold when you got married as well. Most women don't do that.

That is exactly like my mum actually "It's an INVIOLABLE TRADITION" No it isn't you bastard you just KNOW I don't like it and so you relish doing it.

I'm really surprised at the school, where do you live? The 1970s?
I changed my name but I don't belong to my husband any more than I belonging to my abusive, shit head father

Well, if you will change your name to his.... People probably assume you're okay with the rest of it! It's a sexist tradition, but so is changing your name to your husbands, to be fair.

Who is doing it?

The only thing we get like this is the annual xmas card from my mum who does it on purpose to wind me up and the one time I mentioned it said "It is the correct form of address" and looked terribly smug.

It's a relic of a time when the woman legally 'belonged' to a man, and had no legal status at all. She was just a chattel, passed from father to husband. She couldn't divorce except in the most extreme cases (and her word on these things didn't count for much), or own property in her own right. I've done a bit of work on the effects this had on real life women in the nineteenth century, and the kind of oppression they endured was unbelievable.

You are not being unreasonable.

I suppose that's a rite of passage which has gone now.