Single mothers using sperm banks

My DD has never met her father. V. short relationship, failed contraception, he left the country and there has been no contact. It's not what I would have chosen (although I chose to keep her), but she is a very well - adjusted, happy, confident child who is very loved. I already had one child (planned), but if I hadn't and reached a certain age, I would have considered sperm bank rather than never have a child. I wouldn't have just looked for some random man so I could have a traditional family then split up because I'd got what I wanted. That's unfair on everyone.

So you don't agree with same-sex parenting or adoption TJEckleburg? what about fathers who bugger off of which there are plenty? What about the child's right in those circumstances?

I'm with Aftos.

Why is a parenst wish to have a child more important than a child's need to know their parents? I grew up not knowing anything about my biological mother or her family due to complicated circumstances. It is not something I would wish on any child. Not knowing your gentic heritage doesn't just cause practical problems,but huge emotional ones as well, no matter how great the single parent or non biological parent is. It's a recognised factor in adoptions and something that adoptive parents nowadays are encouraged to work on with their children to mitigate the effects. It's beyond selfish for any parent to deliberatly have a child who will be removed from half their gentic heritage.

I do t disagree with sperm donation, or egg donation/surrogacy, but I do think it should only be planned where a child will have a right of access to both biological parents during thei childhood. Sperm donors don't have to be involved in bringing up a child, but they should be prepared to have occasional meetings- having recently rediscovered my mother's family and knowing the joy of recognising myself in somebody else, I think anyone that puts their wish to have a child above their child's right to do that doesn't deserve to be a parent.

Yes, it is nice if you have a wonderful, loving man, who will be a hands-on dad, pulling his weight about the place.

But we all know it doesn't always happen that way. I think this is a positive thing for women who otherwise would have no chance of having children - if that is what they want.

It's not just about being unable to find a male partner - perhaps these women don't want to. I know someone who doesn't want a male partner, and is not lesbian. She is quite happy being single, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Frankly, having seen thread after thread in the relationships section on here, I am not surprised by this!

I would advise any woman to do it via sperm donation, over picking the closest random man, any day of the week.

It's only easier to do it with a man if he's fully engaged with you and the baby, preferably loves and respects you, and is hands-on. If he's not, then he just another level of complication that you can far more easily do without.

I'm sure this happens, hardly ever.

Being a single mum is the hardest thing.
I would never advise someone wanting a baby to find a sperm bank, I would advise them to find a man, there's no shortage of them.

I am not sure this is something to celebrate that so many women are choosing this though I understand the reasons that might lead them to do so

the talk is about the parents or the parent what about a child growing up not knowing or knowing very little about their father and one side of their family, part of their identity I am not sure which country it is (Denmark maybe) that sperm donors can remain anonymous

of course one parent can bring up a happy secure child but we are more complex than that its not that simple to think if this is provided all will be fine

Friend 1 is a partner at her firm, and the reception she got when she told the other (predominantly male) partners was cold, to say the least. Not one even congratulated her.

Two friends from my year at school have done this.

Good on them, I say. Unlike men, women can't wait forever to have children, so if they want to make this happen, they have to be very proactive about it.

And the more children born to a loving parent, who actively wants them, the better for all of us.

I have done it myself and, if anything, have had a more positive reaction from men than women (except an older family member who just doesn't really get it). I've not really had any negativity, although I suspect that might be because I just went ahead and did it, then told people once I was pregnant. I think there would have been more resistance if I had told people my plans before going ahead with it.