Something started me thinking about girls and eating this evening.

I was always hungry after meals as a teenager as the portions were too small. However I didn't really realise this at the time and I didn't expect it to be an option to have more food. I wouldn't have dreamt of making myself a sandwich or something like that after dinner. My mum wasn't strict, at all! So I don't know where this expectation came from. Perhaps because we didn't have much money? I'm always amazed and quite shocked when DH uses something such as raw chicken or mince to cook and make something for lunch. To me, those are dinner ingredients, not for using on lunch. I was amazed the first time I encountered somebody ordering two burgers in McDonalds because I'd never realised that you could do that - it sounds really odd and stupid, doesn't it? I think I just had an idea of what a "meal" is and thought that you could never go past that. I used to and I still do sometimes get frustrated at myself for feeling hungry because I've had what I consider a "meal" and hence, feeling hungry is wrong. I don't think I have an eating disorder but certainly it's not a very logical or probably healthy way to think.

So I always find it amazing when people comment that their boys just eat and eat because I just can't seem to get past that mental block. But I didn't have brothers growing up and perhaps that is why? DS is only six so maybe I'll understand when he's older.

I know that I have an intrinsic different attitude to how my 16 year old twins eat.

They are 16.

Other than providing meals in the evenings and weekends, I pay little attention to what DS eats. I often hear him ferreting in the kitchen but don't police.

DD also eats a lot. And I notice (in a way that I really do not with her brother). I have to make an effort not to mention it sometimes.

I imagine lots of girls grow up in homes where not only do people notice, they also comment.

I don't know Bertrand and I don't really care.

You said you would have commented on your daughter if she had helped herself to a bowl of cereal after a meal. I'm pretty certain I wouldn't even have noticed. I certainly didn't monitor what my son's girlfriend ate or when she ate if she was staying over.

You seem to wanting a thread to veer towards an "Oh yes , isn't it awful how society monitors what girls eat" but if you're doing that yourself in your own home perhaps you need to look at your own reasons for doing it. Sorry but "social pressure " being the reason you would have applied different standards to your own daughter in your own home is a bit weak.

That link also says 'However, these figures are only a guide. Young people might need more or less energy depending on a number of factors, including how physically active they are.'. Girls aren't encouraged to do sport in the same way boys are so that will have an impact on their level of activity. I rather suspect that girls doing masses of sport will need a similar amount of calories as boys doing the same amount.

I ate constantly as a teenager, never put on weight, I didn't do any sport or games.

My teenage son had a tiny appetite and still has at 25.

The marginal difference is actually quite significant when you think about the percentage of our daily calories that we burn just maintaining life, before any activity.

Wild generalization by a non-expert: but from personal experience, when women are educated into portion control, it is about how they look for others. My grandmother STILL fusses about the weight of my aunt, who has early onset dementia and can barely speak, because she doesn't look nice. She views respectability as looking good for the male gaze, even though eating unhealthily is one of the few pleasures my aunt still has left (her decline is frighteningly fast).

Whereas when men are taught about eating, it is about how to be healthy and strong for themselves. Though I suspect this may be shifting in some parts.

To be fair, I don't think it's just that they're different, but there is a difference - which complicates it a bit.

300 calories is a generous second helping of dinner. Neither boys nor girls should be eating a Mars bar every day.

I did feel very free when pregnant (not hungry though, oddly) to be myself, to not worry about clothing/underwear/being presentable

Best darn months of my life. Funnily enough, I actually felt my most attractive then too.

Ds is heading towards 6 foot 5 inches and is proud of his height and size. He eats huge meals, protein shakes, lots of "healthy" food. He uses the big plates, the pint glasses, cuts bread into doorstops. He takes up lots of room at the table.

Dd is also going to be tall. She hates the idea. She restricts the carbs on her plate, eats cress stalks one by one. Then she bakes cookies (feminine) and scoffs the lot because she is hungry. She hoards sweets and chocolate (feminine?) in her bedroom. She sneaks down in the night for yoghurt like a woman in an advert. She wants to be petit and fine boned but she is going to be built like a woman on a Ukranian collective farming poster from the fifties. She thinks she is fat because her waist is larger than her friends (who are nearly a foot shorter). She hunches, tries to make herself smaller.

Sodding cultural expectations.

I wonder if that's also what leads to some women going a bit off the rails when pregnant - the whole eating for two society indulgence bit (unless of course it's the wrong stuff, or you get too fat - then society will be upset again).

I did feel very free when pregnant (not hungry though, oddly) to be myself, to not worry about clothing/underwear/being presentable (beyond basic decent coverage of course!) - I certainly didn't care about being seen eating a sandwich and a biscuit and going back for seconds.

Yes I certainly don't believe my family was/is unusual

I see it every day in the way women have been socialised to behave around food, with cakes etc being "naughty" and having to express guilt about eating it. Many men tend to have few qualms about going back for seconds or thirds, and no one needs that much cake, so it's not about calorific requirements, it's about what is acceptable public eating behaviour for men and women

NHS guidelines.

Yes, they do have different requirements, even as teenagers.

Girls on average don't need as much food as boys. This is not a sexist or feminist issue. It's just biology.

It's not about need, it's about how food is talked about and treated differently with girls and boys.

It starts young. With my DS whose 3.8 I get told he doesn't eat enough for a growing boy, even those he's never been small and was actually a pretty fat baby. With DD whose 2 I get told she eats too much and she's going to grow up to be fat, even those she's always been petite.

My brothers were always encouraged to eat seconds and have big plates full of food, while I was always given smaller amounts and told if I ate too much I'd get fat, even though I did more exercise then the two of them put together, so was constantly hungry.

My brother didn't get "if you get fat at university I'll kill you" from my mother before he started, but I did.

Teenage boys eating a lot seems to be a bit machismo associated - almost a source of pride. I find it a bit odd. I have two teenagers, a boy and girl and they do eat a lot - our shopping bills are certainly big! They have done for quite a while and you can certainly spot their growth spurts. I guess dd's appetite will settle down before ds's as her growth spurt was earlier, but right now they are about the same size and do about the same level of activity so they eat similar amounts.

They do eat differently though. dd is much more inclined to cook herself meals or cakes/cookies, whereas ds will eat plain rice and raw pasta.

My DD is far more likely than her big brothers to be getting the extra cereal/snacks. So in my house, your scenario doesn't hold true.

And others have said similar.

Is the issue really that some people focus more on what girls eat, whether it's a lot or a little?