Charlotte Proudman

This situation has brought up a lot of thoughts and feelings for me.

I have been dipping my toes in the sea of these boards recently (it hasn't always gone well??) but I am keen to expand my knowledge not just of individual issues but of myself.

The man who made the comment was a knob. I have no doubt about that. An attractive woman posting a picture on a career forum should not be seen as inviting comment on her looks. Not at all.

BUT - before I left FB (as I absolutely couldn't handle the bollocks 'politics' or day to day banal nonsense which made me annoyed with people I otherwise am very fond of) - I always posted the most attractive pictures of me.

And I think most people do?. Threads on here about seeing love rivals/ow etc on FB always say 'FB/other social media isn't representative of reality, everyone puts the best pictures on'.

So why? I know my pictures on my old FB were bloody gorgeous. I didn't complain when FB friends said 'stunning' or 'beautiful' but felt a bit yuck when I got PMs from strange men saying the same and making FB friend requests.

But I wouldn't have posted pictures where I looked shit (and there are many, the camera HATES me! ). I honestly take 30 shit pics for every 'beautiful' one.

And I know this is about linked in but the same applies - I wouldn't post a picture where I don't look attractive but would hate a stranger to tell me I am attractive.

So why am I doing it?. I want to look attractive but I don't want to be told I am.
Can anyone offer an insight?. And it's not that I judge worth by attractiveness because I don't. I want to be judged on my intelligence, skills, sense of humour, knowledge, kindness, effectiveness at work.

I want all of these things but I still don't want to be deemed physically unattractive.

Why? Is it so bad?. Or is it that it is a part of me that I want to be recognised as it IS part of me. Or am I just utterly failing as a feminist?.

Magic Mike is a movie with a message

Yes I was shocked at the defence which was basically thay she'd approached him! So presumably if she'd applied for a job with him he'd have been justified in commenting on her appearance.
Sadly I suspect a lot of people will assume she's one of these feminists who is always looking to be offended (they're all over don't you know) and her very valid point about work and being treated as a professional will be ignored.

As ever, I think in this case the people trying to defend the idiot male lawyer are conveniently forgetting normal social decency.

Very few professional people would go up to anyone they didn't know at a conference and say 'You look stunning, far better than most people here.' It's rude, weird and belittling.

Yet, this guy saw fit to say just that to a fellow professional in a professional setting online. And rather than saying "what a fecking weirdo" people are defending him!

WTF! Regardless of how sexist it was (and it was very sexist) it was just bizarre behaviour from a man who really should know better. It's embarrassing behaviour.

The only reason he felt justified in behaving that way was because she is a good looking woman. I'd wager my last pound that he'd never ever do it to a man.

It's a milder version of people saying that men can't always know if women are enjoying sex. They honestly say that an ordinary functional man who holds down a job can seriously not tell whether a person who is literally centimetres away from him and interacting with him physically is enjoying something or not. They claim such an idiotic thing with a straight face.

It seems that any sort of stupid argument can be put forward to defend a man. The woman always has to be wrong in some way.

I forget sometimes how lucky we are to have such kind and friendly posters in FWR.

I did snigger when I read that she was "playing the feminist card" though. Whenever someone says that someone else is "playing" some kind of card, it immediately flags up that that person is no longer worth making the effort of listening to.

I've just quit the thread Plays. I can't stand it!

... which was unfortunately misinterpreted... as you can see from these other examples of my responses to male colleagues, in which I often comment on the quality of their avatar photography.

Nope? Yeah, you were judging the photography, not commenting on her looks at all. Just like all those women go to watch Magic Mike for the amazing dialogue, and all the men watched Baywatch for the fantastic plotlines.

JFC on a bike Yonic!

That thread!

Fuck!

Heavens, has that guy used LinkedIn??

Thread here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/a2465058-The-barrister-and-her-linked-in-photo?msgid=56524501#56524501

Anything from the bloke that did it? Of course not. Because it was a sexist comment.

He could prove it wasn't if he had just one, similar connection accept message to a man in which he commented on their photo.

She is getting a real kicking from the usual quarters on Twitter, if anyone tweets, they might like to go and give her some support?

Yes, I thought that too. It wasn't the worst sexist comment ever but, then, why was any comment of that nature necessary? Oh wait....