Misleading campaign trying to con the UK about the horrific level of domestic violence committed by men against women

I said up thread anger is an understandable and normal response. Leave it unresolved and fail to control it, though, can mean it is not a constructive response.

What's wrong with being angry? Anger is a justified response for someone who is the victim of violence. You might want to hold hands with violent men and sing Kumba Yah but women who actually have experience of this should not be told they shouldn't feel angry.

Jeanne

Why are you equating violence, with self-harm?

Sigh. Only in that it is a dysfunctional and (self) destructive behaviour. People who are violent to others often self harm too, though, the behaviours are not mutually exclusive.

Fear of violence is pretty much the thing that supports male privilege

Yes, this.

So anger is toxic and destructive. Either it turns inward or is outwardly destructive. What I am saying, is that the way to resolve this anger is to understand it more: how to control it, how some people find this difficult. If the anger is dealt with, the destruction is minimised.

Why are you equating violence, with self-harm?

Do you really think people who harm themselves deserve to be lumped in with people who decide to be violent to others?

What a revolting claim. I hope you were just being thoughtless, not deliberately equating those two things.

Regarding feelings is not the same as fear. It is just learning how to negotiate a path around / avoid a dangerous situation, de-escalation. It can mean people spotting dysfunction early and dealing with it sooner. More understanding avoids fear.

I'm not apologising for abusers, why would I? I am not responsible for their actions. I am just saying, that acknowledging abusers are damaged themselves, can give victims answers to prevent them turning the blame inwards. It can prevent further unresolved anger.

Nah, anger was the only thing that got me through my DV episode. It stopped me feeling like a powerless victim. Didn't beat anyone up or self harm, mind. I wonder why.

People are far too afraid of anger, it can be a powerful motivator and driver of change and is, I feel, an important step in the healing process. I totally agree there needs to be support for DV victims to channel it and/or deal with whatever other emotions they may have.

But suggesting abusers shouldn't be told they are abusers, or apologising for them, or tiptoeing round their feelings intimates a fear of them and what they may do. Bollocks to that. They thrive on other people's fear.

So anger is toxic and destructive. Either it turns inward or is outwardly destructive. What I am saying, is that the way to resolve this anger is to understand it more: how to control it, how some people find this difficult. If the anger is dealt with, the destruction is minimised.

No, it doesn't.

Violence arises from a decision to be violent.

I am sometimes angry, and I sometimes fail to resolve or control my anger. I've not yet battered my family.

I know a lot of women who were abused and who experience unresolved, uncontrolled anger. It's horrible and toxic and destructive. Yet, for some reason, it's largely not directed out at other people.

And I am concerned for the woman as well. I don't think unresolved anger does anyone any good. As mentioned up thread, women often turn the anger inwards on themselves and self harm.

No, I am suggesting that violence arises from unresolved and uncontrolled anger. If a victim of abuse stays angry and hurt without any resolution this can be destructive to themselves and/or others. As with men who were abused going on to abuse.

It's a well know fact among domestic violence advocates that campaigns aimed at children are perceived generally to get a more positive response than those aimed at adult victims. This is true for fundraising as well as for social marketing campaigns. It's because most everyone is concerned for children (as we all should be) but sadly far fewer people really care about the women, who are, in fact, often blamed for being victims of violence. In my opinion, responses to a campaign like this one with "what about the poor perpetrators" contribute to this societal lack of concern for those women.

Are you seriously suggesting victims of DV are to blame for perpetuating the cycle of violence by being angry about the abuse they've received and the abuser who did it?

Really?

Tell you what, you go and make all those lovely abusers a cup of tea and have a nice chat about how they're the real victims. We'll wait here for that to eradicate all DV. Mmhhmm.

I am officially psychic.

and hiding this thread.

And you can fuck right off.

I think this poster is part of a well thought-out campaign.

www.royalgreenwich.gov.uk/press/article/573/campaign_to_tackle_domestic_violence_and_abuse

In particular:

"This single poster was developed as a result of evidence which shows that fathers who are abusive to their partners are more likely to seek help to change their behaviour if they are made to face up to the damaging effects their behaviour has on their children."

It's aimed at changing learned behavior (learned from all the ways that men use violence to control and oppress women and have done for centuries) and taps into a perceived incentive to do so, which is what many social marketing campaigns aim for.

I agree, it is correct to put the message DV is wrong out there. I personally think this message is already out there, more than ever before but appreciate this could be to do with the people I mix with.

However I do think there needs to be more acknowledgement that the perpetrators of violence need help. Hating them (the anger and vitriol has been apparent on this thread) because they are dysfunctional and destructive does not help unravel and solve what is wrong. This is an emotional response, completely understandable and normal but take it too far and more conflict arises. It is unsettling because it shows plainly how violence perpetuates violence.

The etiology is that it is learned behavior, supported by societal attitudes. Social marketing campaigns are just one of many ways in which domestic violence activists try to address this causation. They know that such campaigns are not enough, but campaigns are part of the overall approach alongside many other initiatives, like promoting rigorous law enforcement.

What if the people who drink drive grew up in an alcoholic household?

Posters are part of the story - of course there should be freedom programmes and counselling for abused children etc as well.

But two women a week are killed by partners or ex partners, and there was usually a cycle of abuse leading up to that. If this poster has any positive impact on that, well and good.

That is one possibility, Buffy.

However if they do have genuine difficulties, this course of action might just escalate conflict, as with giving orders to children with Pathological Demand Avoidance and continually punishing them, because they fail to do as they are told, does not work in education - as frustrating as this might be.

There are so many possibilities as to what is happening. This is why I thought the poster campaign just seemed a little to simplistic. There are people, who know they have problems with their mental health or substance abuse, who are seeking help but not getting it. Or parents desperately seeking help for their young children's behaviour. I guess this is what frustrates me concerning poster campaigns that seem to shout at problems rather than solve them.

I've hidden them in my top secret lady place.

abbie, I thought we'd hidden the bodies in our cleavages?

What if she's pretty? One of your chums believes that pretty women commit murder with impunity and regularity. He couldn't say where the bodies were but other than that, it was pretty convincing .

Of course, his argument that this means that mad feminazis are in charge of everything hit a bit of a bump when he had to explain why women were wommanning the courts, police and judicial systems and were refusing to convict pretty women instead of hunky men, but thankfully he didn't notice and is still fully convinced that murderous women rule the world.