Taking DH's surname after 8 years of marriage

yep loads of options! And I still resent being called "anti feminist" for choosing to take my husband's name for all the reasons I've stated on this thread. I'm very wary of criticising women for the informed that choices they make although of course always up for debating them!

I know several married women who have kept their name for work but changed it for personal stuff. And several my age (early 30s) who have changed completely. But I also know a lot of women in long-term relationships who are unlikely to ever marry (I'm one of them) and two couples where the man has taken the woman's name.

I like the idea of portmanteauing should I have ever have children, but there is no elegant way to do it with our respective surnames. I like the idea of just picking a new name for the whole family, too. So many options...

Oh, OK. Well in that case 100% of my married 20 something friends changed their name.

I often identify as a feminist. It usually comes up when people ask me why I have a double barrelled name! Only two people have replied that they're a feminist too. It does make me sad.

I changed my name after 15 years of marriage. Dh did too, we both took a new name (mix of both of ours) which is also the dc's name.

It was no big deal, tbh, no one seems to have batted an eyelid. I kept my old email, so my email no longer reflects my name, but no one bats an eyelid at that either.

I quite like us all having the same name, but the idea of taking his name never crossed my mind. If he hadn't suggested changing his name for the dc (we live in a country where the dc had to take his name or mine, there was no option to just give them the name we wanted) I wouldn't have done it. But it seemed like the fair thing to do. And it's nice being the only 'ourname' people in the world too.

BR, I have many female friends who believe in equality etc but I have no idea if they self identify as feminist.

Toast, the article differentiates between the general population of married women (90%+ have changed name) and the twenty-somethings. Not sure how old you are and I'm not asking!

I also don't know how FB knows who is married other than if they've set their relationship status. I provide it with as little info as possible!

You only know two women who identify as feminists ??

I've just done my own FB sample based on me and my married friends.

29 married women. 1 kept her name, two double barrelled.

The one who kept her name is one of two women I know who self identifies as a feminist.

Though judging by the article, about 3% double barrel. This is a survey of FB users rather than a census or similar.

A correct if redundant statement, Mehitabel!

No one is saying you didn't have free choice Mehitabel. It's the reasons and the effect of that choice which is being discussed.

"Since women are not chattels to be passed over any more just do as you like."

No, they're not. So why use language and perpetuate traditions that suggests they are?

So two thirds are changing it.

A third of women in their twenties are keeping their name, according to this:

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/10166717/Do-you-take-this-mans-name-Not-necessarily.html

Since women are not chattels to be passed over any more just do as you like.
My father had died before I married and I had lived alone for 8 years so I wasn't 'passed' anywhere.
I had free choice and used it.

I have some sympathy with Lemon as there is a school of feminist thought that says my preference for dresses and ballet pumps also perpetuates an unthinking stereotyped version of femininity (as opposed to what I like to wear and I'm comfortable in).

I therefore feel slightly hypocritical in saying it surprises me that whilst any woman is free to change her name if she wants that she doesn't see the bigger picture.

All the dismissing of a woman's name (it's just her father's ) which is never applied to a man irritates me. A man's name has passed through generation after generation on the patrileneal line- wouldn't it be interesting if women's names had passed through generation after generation on the matrilineal line?

We never discussed it. It was taken as read I would keep my name.

"However if I CHOOSE not to go to university and prefer to get married and have kids is that "anti feminist"?"
Nope. Because you are not publicly perpetuating an outdated patriarchal system in which women were regarded as chattels to be passed from one man to another.

'I actually think this is an important issue. It's such a very public and unquestioned piece of patriarchal bullshit.'

I couldn't agree more.

Ha, good to know

Probably Lemon

I hope that made sense. All of those examples are simply sexist.
However if I CHOOSE not to go to university and prefer to get married and have kids is that "anti feminist"?

Exactly all of those choices are about other people's lives, I think it's much trickier to make judgements about how feminist the choices people make about their OWN lives are.

Wow. So if you made a choice, for example, to pay a woman employee less than a man that would be a feminist choice? To help your son go to university but not your daughter because "she'll only get married- no point educating girls"? To insist that your dds do housework but not your dss? All feminist choices?

Come on now, use your common sense. You know full well what I mean.

Oh and I don't have a ring so we do look very unmarried.

urbanefox really? I'm speechless. DH and I have different surnames. I have never got a pity look or been judged. We must move in very different circles.

However, we do get lots of sexist addresses on letters because I use Dr as my title. We get letters from companies addressing Dr myname and Mrs/Ms dhname regularly. It is as if only men can have PhDs! DH thinks it's hilarious and doesn't mind a bit. This is never from friends though. I remember national trusts doing this, and I know our water bill has that too. This is ofc unrelated to the OP surname problem. But it's sexism in addressing non the less.