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Original poster

Taking DH's surname after 8 years of marriage

232 replies

5by5 · 27/08/2015 16:12

I have been mulling over changing my name recently. I didn't change my name when I married for feminist reasons and for weirdness reasons - I found/find the idea of changing your name strange, it must be an odd process to go through.

However, there are a few reasons why I'm thinking of doing it now...

  1. I am now NC with my parents and sometimes I don't like this tie I still have to them. I feel much more like DH's family are my family now.

  2. We are moving overseas, a fresh start, seems like a good time to do it if I was to do it.

  3. My name needs spelling out or people don't get it right. This is trivial.

  4. DCs have DH's surname, though my name as a middle name. The more I refer to friends and family groups as 'the So-and-Sos' the more I'd like us to be 'the DHsurnames'. This is also trivial.

Reasons against would be:

  1. Moving overseas will be a testing time for our relationship. I fully believe we are strong enough for it to be a great adventure for all of us, but I'd be a fool if I didn't consider the idea that it might all go wrong, and while changing my name back would be a minor point in what I'd be dealing with if it did, it seems like it would be salt in the wound.

  2. Still feminist reasons.

What do you think? I haven't mentioned this to DH at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
5by5 · 27/08/2015 16:36

I know, I've never thought otherwise, but it was never something I thought I'd do.

On my marriage certificate it just says that DH and I got married, it doesn't state what name I have after the event.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 27/08/2015 16:35

When I married I thought I would have to sign something official to change my name (I didn't want to change it.) The registrar told me that nobody actually does that - it's just custom and practice that women change their names.

This means you can actually use that name without a problem.

What I did was I kept my own name at work and used my married name at home and for anything to do with the children.

Mrsjayy · 27/08/2015 16:32

You can still be a feminist and be mrshusband Smile

Original poster
5by5 · 27/08/2015 16:31

Err, hang on, I'll have to go and check!

OP posts:
Original poster
5by5 · 27/08/2015 16:31

I don't mind not having the same surname as my dc, beyond the simplicity being known collectively as 'the DHsurnames' They had to have one of our names, we couldn't have double-barrelled, there is no perfect solution to that issue. I felt strongly about the issue of women losing their identity on marriage. I still feel strongly, but there are these other ideas slipping in.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 27/08/2015 16:31

Its fine to change your mind honestly just change it for all the reasons you stated see it as the family name rather than taking your dh name iyswim. This is a daft question but im going to ask anyway on ypur marraige certificate is it your surname rather than mrs husband ?

CathJames · 27/08/2015 16:24

Your Dc have your Dh's surname yet you decided not to take the very same name when you made the commitment to marry him?.....I personally find that rather strange!