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Original poster

Children sexually assaulting other children in previous years at our new kindergarten.

35 replies

MilchandCookies · 18/08/2015 13:38

My DD (3) started kindergarten last week. So far she loves it and has had no real issues. She is in a mixed age group, so children from 3 to 6. (We're in Germany.)

Yesterday a friend told me that when her eldest DD (now 8) was there, there was a seemingly ongoing problem of the older ones taking the younger ones off out of sight and assaulting them. I'm not sure I should say what was done in case it's triggering. She told me this in a very matter-of-fact way, and sort of shrugged when I asked what the kindergarten did about it. The DC crowded us at that point and I didn't have a chance to ask more about it.

I feel like I need to raise this with DD's kindergarten teacher. I want to find out how often the children are left unsupervised (if ever -- I certainly hadn't got the impression they were). I also want to know what safeguards are in place so that this type of thing can't happen again.

What else should I be asking about? I am absolutely horrified that it happened and terrified for my DD, but I don't want to completely overreact.

Before she started, I had had a conversation with DD about no games with no clothes on, and that she could tell her teacher or me about any children making her unhappy or uncomfortable. I honestly thought that was an overreaction on my part, and I was worried I was going to unnecessarily worry her, so I have tried to play it very cool.

Is there anything else I can do in the immediate term to protect her (and DS when he starts in 18 months)? What about longer term? I hope it's ok I've posted this here. The advice and views of the posters here always seems far more balanced and sensible than on the other boards ...

OP posts:
BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 18/08/2015 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeiTetua · 18/08/2015 16:29

I doubt if children that young have any "cultural memory" passed down over a period of years, but it certainly sounds as though there were some nasty bullies there a few years ago! One has to wonder what they're up to now that they're older. Anyway, I'd keep an eye and an ear open as to what goes on at the kindergarten now.

uglyswan · 18/08/2015 16:27

OP, regardless of what your friend's theories might be, this sort of thing happens a lot more frequently than a lot of people care to think. You can and should ask the Kindergarten about their safeguarding policy. Ulli Freund, the person interviewed in the article I linked to has a very informative website you might want to look at or pass on to Kindergarten staff.

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 18/08/2015 16:01

Your friend's child is 8 now so an older child who did this would be older than that now. Your friend has suggested that this behaviour by the older child / children isn't something that was specific to them but will have been passed down to the next children as some kind of cultural thing to do at this nursery? That's a really strange thing to think, do you know why she thinks that? Didn't she go to the police? Didn't the kindergarten alert some kind of authority?

This all seems very peculiar.

FenellaFellorick · 18/08/2015 15:53

I think it would be perfectly reasonable to say to them what you have been told and ask what steps they have taken to ensure this is not able to happen any more.

TheyGotTheMustardOut · 18/08/2015 15:50

OP maybe talk PANTS to your DD: www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/keeping-children-safe/underwear-rule/

Mitzi50 · 18/08/2015 14:50

This is not normal behaviour. I have taught a child who did similar to others - it triggered SS involvement, removal of the child from their home and an arrest.

Original poster
MilchandCookies · 18/08/2015 14:44

Ok, thanks, I should have probably posted there. I read this board more than any other these days, and I thought some of the more experienced mothers who have similar beliefs and parenting styles may be able to advise. I can have it moved if people feel strongly though.

The incidents involved penetration of the younger ones with objects, and it happened to my friend's DD, among others. The staff were not aware of it happening (multiple times) until she complained. I don't know any more.

I'm not planning on shrieking or being hysterical. I am, however, finding it a bit difficult to guage how much exploration of bodies is normal at that age. DD has never been in childcare before, and I wasn't really expecting to have to deal with this sort of thing so soon. Naive, perhaps, but I'm not sure it warrants the skepticism.

OP posts:
Booboostwo · 18/08/2015 14:10

Six year olds sexually assaulting three year olds Hmm in a nursery with staff around Hmm. I think you need to give a lot more details for this to make sense. As it is I would assume it was normal body exploration stuff that happens in those ages.

titchy · 18/08/2015 13:55

Suggest you post under parenting rather than feminism!

But I'd not call whatever they are doing as sexual assault. I'm assuming it's what we would have called playing doctors and nurses, or you show me yours I'll show you mine sort of thing which is entirely normal at this sort of age. Anything more than this would almost certainly be a one-off incident from a child with some sort of background issue which I'd assume would be dealt with.

However they should be supervised properly and if you have any concerns (real ones based on fact, not hearsay) please do speak to the staff. But don't go in all hysterical shrieking sexual assault.

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