Ms, Mrs,Miss

"women bringing up kids with other people's surnames"

Erm, they have the surname they have always had, which is the surname of their father! "other people' makes it sound like they just dragged someone off the street!

Just as I did not like the idea of associating DH's surname as ownership of me I prefer to not view the kids names in the same way either.

Great convo with my mum recently about my cousin. Mum: what's *Fiona's married name? Me: same as it's always been, Fiona Smith. Mum: no that's just for Facebook, what's her married name? Me: she kept her maiden name. Her husbands surname is Jones, but she's still Fiona Smith, and actually she's Dr Fiona Smith now isn't she? Mum: hmm so Mrs Fiona Jones? Me: no, Dr Fiona Smith (the range of emotions I felt during the exchange!)

• names changed to protect the innocent.

So stupid. Can't believe I thought 'Mrs' was a promotion!?

I really did, though. And looked down on people titled 'miss' after about 35

Those comments are really quite astonishing.

"Colonel Rebel" I might deed poll it.

The naming thing on marriage is totally baffling to me now. I love it when I ask grooms to be if they are changing their name. Because it is thought of as bonkers, generally. Post - equality, my arse.

I chose to be Ms the first time I filled in a form that gave me that opportunity (opening my student bank account) I have been Ms ever since.

I did not take my husband's name when I got married as I did not want to change my name - it's an integral part of me. It felt like changing my identity and I didn't want to do that (and I also felt subjugated to my husband who did not even have to consider such a cultural norm...)

I don't have the same surname as my kids (5 and 3) so far noone has ever even mentioned this may be an issue. Do people really see this as something to stigmatise ? I think everyone who knows us things 'oh, she didn't change her name' if they think anything at all...

My daughters know my name is different to theirs though I describe myself as being part of 'Family [their surname]' as I feel this is an age-appropriate explanation. as they get older I'll explain in more detail.

And I don't understand why women are so easily accepting of their kids having the mans surname. In the case of break ups it's mostly the women who bring up the children. And if eiTher of them go on to have more kids they go through it all over again. The men can have their surname all over the place and the women are bringing up the kids with other people's surnames. Why?
I might feel more strongly about the situation because my surname is awesome! But still....

My mum said the same when I got married, "oh I don't know if I'll remember..."

SHE AND I HAVE SHARED A SURNAME ALL MY LIFE!!

I was miss til I got married....then I thought screw that Mrs bollocks, I'll be Ms.
And I didn't change my surname. And I insisted my children took my surname too. That one was really important to me. And now I'm divorced. And I'm glad as fucking hell my kids have my surname. And I'm still Ms.

I am married but a Ms.
Kept my surname at marriage. So did my mum.

it is surprising how many people struggle to deal with this and try to re-name you!

Quite, Shireslass. My grandmother called me by my (usual) name and then stopped and said 'I mean .. [pause to remember DH's surname]' I said 'it's still ' and she said 'well that's very confusing'. Er, how is it confusing that my name is still my name?? What could in fact be LESS confusing than that?!

Obviously the reality is less simple, every Christmas I run a sweepstake on the number of cards I get in the wrong name. I can understand distant relatives of DH who assume I have his surname but some of my friends imagine we have hyphenated our names and send cards like that, or just assume I've changed my name even though I have said repeatedly that I haven't. I've taken now to commenting on it on Facebook (where, shocker, I haven't changed my name - a clue perhaps?) and this seems to be working.

I've been Ms. pretty much my entire adult life, but I am American and it is much more common here than in the UK so not as much of a statement. It's the default title for women, especially in professional settings. Seldom do businesses or forms to be filled out ask for titles in the US.

I kept my birth surname when I got married. DH and children all have his name.

You could be "Rebel Colonel" Pot? That would sound v historic fiction...

I recently got married and my name is a big part of my job. I refused to change any part of it, it is surprising how many people struggle to deal with this and try to re-name you!

I've been married for two years and I'm still Miss Ownname, just like I always was. I don't want to be a Mrs and never really understood Ms (I do now), and no way would I change my surname.

I may be in a minority as a married Miss, however i thought I'd chip in just to indicate that anyone can be anything so just choose the name you like and stick with it.

I personally think the whole 'naming women' thing is very odd. When you get married the convention is to change your name - surname and your pre-fix. This in itself is fairly big stuff, a new identity is created. Then you may get divorced and what then? Back to your first 'name', keep the current even though the partner it came from is gone, or perhaps something completely new. Most men never have to consider this stuff. Maybe I'm hoping that by staying Miss reynoldsnumber forever I won't have to go through it.

My mum, divorced for 20 years, is still Mrs Dad's surname which seems odd to me, but she doesn't really care.

Heh heh

I filled in a form and put Colonel. Because they didn't have Ms. Rebel, me.

You don't have to change your name again if you don't want to! Try getting used to Ms for a bit first...

I went for "Colonel", I think.

The donor opt in didn't give Ms as an option. I did ask why my marital status was relevant when that of men in the same situation wasn't.

I think marriage might do something to lady offal.