sexualisation of children vs slut shaming

'If you tell a child to cover her body, what are you protecting her from?'

Comments like the OP had. I don't want to have to explain to my daughter that X's Mum thinks grown men will think about her sexually. I want to teach my daughter to respect her body in an appropriate way i.e. the pants campaign and other child appropriate methods.

My DS, unless swimming is in at least long shorts and a vest to prevent sunburn when out. Long shorts (knee length) have also been good in that they keep him cool and offer some protection from rougher play (climbing etc). Due a daughter in August, so started having a peep at the clothes available 'for girls'. Short shorts in flimsy ass material. I'll be sticking to 'boys' knee length denims for her too. I don't feel I'll be covering my daughter as such, just dressing her in good clothes for play.

When she's old enough to emotionally deal with comments like the ones OP had she can wear what she wants when she wants.

If you tell a child to cover her body, what are you protecting her from?

I think it's important that young women know that they don't have to wear make up/dress in a particular way/have male attention to be valuable and worthwhile… or indeed to be able to attract the attention of a valuable and worthwhile male when they are at an appropriate age.

And I guess it's also important for young women to think about the fact that we live in a judgemental society and reactions to you and the judgements placed on you as a result of the choices you make will differ from person to person, and that those judgements should not have power over you because they say something about the person making the judgement, not you. If you are confident in who you are, the choices you make, and why you make those choices, then do not be 'shamed' by others.

I don't have a daughter (yet) but I am trying to raise a body confident, respectful pre teen boy.

Personally I'm planning on assuming responsibility for my son's development until he is mentally mature enough to do so himself. So he has internet access, but only supervised by me, as I don't think he could handle the www and snapchat and everything his pals are into.

I'd do the same with a daughter. Until I believe she is old enough to make a mature decision about how she presented her body she would be dressed modestly. Not because her body is wrong, or sexual, but because she could get a reaction she is unequipped to deal with emotionally, whether that reaction is slut-shaming or unwanted sexual attention.

I would also try to protect her from the 'effect on men' mother and if I couldn't would be very vocal about how sick that comment makes me feel. Given it was aimed at the dress of at 11 year old child I don't think I could have bitten my tongue enough not to blurt out 'Does your husband/partner/son/uncle have trouble containing himself around 11 year olds then?'

That's an interesting and difficult question I think. I suppose the main thing is to talk about why we make the choices to wear what we do. Why did you, as a young woman feel empowered and confident by dressing in an extreme and sexual way? I suppose we would want young girls to know that they can choose to wear what they want and make up etc. but to think about why they are making those choices, why other people don't really have those choices etc. without going down the 'slut shaming' route...

You can bide your time with the high heels from the protective parent point of view because surely they are just not good for you irrespective of whether they are too 'sexualising' for an 11 year old...