sexualisation of children vs slut shaming

'taken advantage of'? Do you mean raped?

Oops sorry

That was obviously meant for captain

I type so slowly

Right, so men can't ask questions? They just look at a woman and assume she's up for sex purely from what she's wearing and just go ahead and do what they want?
In your story a guy thought you were older, he found out you weren't, he did the decent thing and dropped you back where you'd been. That's what normal people do. Rapists just go ahead regardless, it doesn't matter one shit what you're wearing.

oh I agree, but they do touch you. And I don't want my daughter being touched either. I am not in control of what others do I can only protect her.

It is not right that drunk women get taken advantage of but it happens. It's not right but I am sure as hell not going to tell my daughter to be careful just because it isn't right.

My 13 year old daughter has not encountered porn, does not use sexual language and for the life of her cant figure out why one of her favourite skirts is now "unsuitable" because she is tall

She does not wear clothes because she believes she looks sexy

I understood what you meant by your first few posts, but that last one of yours is dreadful.

He did not drive us home, he was up for sex. He found out how old we were and panicked. He thought because we were dolled up to the nines we were older, and up for sex. Actually I am not sure we weren't up for sex, but the point is he did not think we were children. And perhaps if children dressed like children less confusion would take place in this respect.

No one dresses like a slut. Because no one is a slut.
Some some wear tight clothing. That doesn't give anyone permission to touch them.

All I know is that when I wear sexual clothing, I get sexual attention. The only time I have ever been groped has been when I have worn sexual clothing. I know it happens when women don't wear sexual clothing, but I do think some men think that because you dress like a slut you are one and perhaps are up for a bit of a squeeze.

So a guy drove you home? What's that got to do with what you were wearing?

I've been raped, multiple times. I was never wearing 'provocative' clothing.

Do you believe that women who wear 'provocative' clothing invite sexual assault?

I have just remembered how my friend and I at 15 were mistaken for 18 year olds, because yes we were dressed in sexual clothing. But this was only after we had got into the back of some guys car and had been driven half way across town. Thankfully he just took is straight back to the park much to our disappointment. It was about 8.30pm in the evening. My mother thought I was on a sleepover.

I am pretty sure that most 10 year olds have encountered porn, are using sexual language, some are even asking for naked pictures from the opposite sex. If you think that girls of this age are not partly dressing this way because that is how women dress to please men then you are naïve. I also think that boys who see girls of their own age dressing like that will also think that the girls are being sexual in some way. They may expect the girls to act in a certain way, and the girls may think they do to. I don't think they understand what they are doing or have any intention of wanting sex, but think they should act like it because grown-ups do in porn. But that goes beyond clothing, but clothing is the signal IMO that you are up for it.

If I recall my own teenage years, whenever I went out in inappropriate clothing with my friends, we often encountered men. Yes I have been groped, yes I have had sexual comments thrown at me. Funnily enough it didn't really happen when I was dressed in my jeans and baggy tops.

If you have never encountered it then you are lucky.

Do you honestly think what a woman wears plays a part in whether she's sexually assaulted or not?

Are you dim? I am banging my head here! That society thinks it makes her a slut! That men of all ages (and not just the boy she fancies) might think she's worth a crack. Because some men will and not a small proportion either. And no I know she is unlikely to be raped. Sexually harassed, groped? Maybe. I'll leave you to put your daughter on the front line of fighting injustices against women and I'll make do with a stroppy preteen who thinks I'm unfair.

When you say 'aware of what she is doing' - what is she doing? Surely she's just wearing clothes?

I round rather spend my time teaching her she doesn't have to be a sex object or dress like one. That she doesn't have to fit into society stereotype I certainly won't encourage it.

She will hate me I am sure but I am her mum not her friend. By the time she is a teenager she can buy that sort of clothing with her pocket money and persuade her dad and me she is aware of what she is doing when wearing it out, and then she can go out in it.

The thing I'll tell my DD is that the world wants to make her into an object to be looked at and judged and taken. But she's not an object, she's a person and if she wants to wear hotpants or a full length skirt that's her choice. People might call her a slut, but they are the ones who are in the wrong.

No im going to explain that because women wear that kind of clothing for sexual reasons, and a lot of people think that those who wear it are sluts. And therefore they may think you are a slut. There is a time and a place and it is not now. We can discuss anything you like about it dd, the rights and wrongs and how it's unfair and your friends all do it. But no, I will not buy it for you.

"Are you going to tell your daughter not to wear 'provocative' clothing as it might get her raped?" No you're not, but you're likely to tell her something, and that's what this thread is about. But nothing seems right.

might be going off on a tangent with this, but my main bugbear about sexualised girls' clothing (by sexualised I mean tight/revealing etc) is that it's totally impractical. Rather than causing me any concerns about my daughter being sexualised, it bothers me that it encourages her to be helpless. You can't run around and play in high heels or flimsy shoes with ridiculously slippy soles. Short shorts result in sunburn/more scratches from outdoor play. There are no pockets for useful things. It encourages female children to play a less active, passive role from the sidelines.

That's not a message I want my DD internalising. Clothes/makeup can be fun and a great form of self-expression, but they should not hold any child back.

& if a 7yo is in a basque, I don't think that will make her (never him) sexually attractive to people who are attracted to 7yo anyway.

Why would anyone buy a 7 year old a basque?? What I mean in terms of educating ks, are you going to tell your daughter not to wear 'provocative' clothing as it might get her raped?

Who is buying their 7yo a basque

And if the 7yo is unfortunate enough to be accessible by a paedophile, then her clothing won't make a single jot of difference.

I don't think that it is clothes that build up an impression that children are sexually desirable. I think that is a story as old as the hills, no matter what the child is wearing.

I don't think that a man who is attracted to adult women is going to develop sexual attraction for 9yo just because they see them in certain clothes.

Same as I don't think a gay man is going to start fancying women if they see lots of scantily clad women - because they do, and they're still gay.