sexualisation of children vs slut shaming

Yes it's the same for boys. They are expected to be tiny tearaways, mini-heartbreakers and car/dinosaur mad. My lad likes to play dolls with his sister I know that will change when he gets to playschool and society expects him to be into cars and dinosaurs. Just as my dd is all about princesses since she started. Sigh.

Just so you know captain, the situation in which your DD is most likely to be attacked is when she's in a house with a man she knows and trusts.

No it is not a fair assumption. I don't feel the need to drag my child into my personal opinions on how we should try to change things. I do follow the let clothes be clothes campaign, and I do try to get unisex clothing for my children but it is expensive. And my dd has a lot of navy clothing and not pink, as it seems that is the second colour available to girls.

I am not going to put her in a position of being called a slut or think she is up for it by men/boys before she knows what it all is about, properly understands that we shouldn't use that term. I don't care if you want your daughter to go out like that. I don't care if you think it is the only way to change the views of many by allowing your dd to dress like that. Personally I would rather we mothers boycotted stores that sold this shite but it's not always possible due to cost.

*its meant to say tight not right!

captainproton your posts reads like you know the sexualisation of female children is wrong but you don't have any interest in changing it, you just want your daughter to avoid any damage that might be done by it. Is that a fair summary?

I only have a boy and my main annoyance with his clothes are the constant vehicle motifs and slogans about him being loud and cheeky. I don't think that'll do him much long term damage in the scheme of things though.

Captain buy bigger sizes on the t shirts. My daughter is tall and skinny, nothing is ever right on her!

some of us cant afford to shop in Next. All of my dd's Sainsburys t-shirts are tight on my daughter, the shorts are practically hot pants. Yet my son has baggy t-shirts and shorts above the knee. One is 2 the other 3. I don't know why it should be thus... The sexual objectification of children starts young.

Ok captain, that's your choice.

But even in court cases where women have been found to have worn sexual clothing and been drinking, the men have been let off because the victim was drunk and dressed like she wanted it.

It's not fair or right and I am not going to lie to my daughter that these injustices don't exist in this world because they do. Just like there is terrorism and murders, I don't want to scare her but educate her. I will leave up to her to decide how she behaves when she is old enough to understand and not a moment before.

I've read about 30 of the posts so far, I disagree. Nexts new autumn clothes came out today so I had a look online, the girls clothes are jeans, leggings, jumpers, hoodies, t shirts, some skirts and dresses. Nothing too tight, skimpy, lots of colours including green, yellow, blue. However walking round tescos earlier I was their clothes for girls are horrid!

No, captain. I will tell her some men are rapists, but her behaviour has nothing to do with whether they will rape her or not. I'd rather she didn't get blind drunk but I won't be telling her there's a connection between being drunk and being raped because there isn't. There is however a connection between knowing a man and being raped, so should I tell her to keep away from men?

rufus, yes I see your fear, it is my fear too. You can't let them wear these clothes until they fully understand everything, how would your DD cope if she did get groped at a party because she is wearing something sexy and the boys think she is 'up for it'?

What you going to tell her when she gets handed a rape alarm at freshers week and the boys don't?

captain

Note I didn't say my boys I know they have probably been exposed to it and they swear...don't think they bad mouth sexually but they may do

Dd....nope. And you did say most in your post...not all. She's just not one of the most.

You should have seen the look on her face when she was describing hearing an older girl in her phone "ive already sent you a picture of my tits!" Dd thinks that the C word is crap, she doesn't know that you can put a penis anywhere other than a vagina

And can you see that that is where my difficulty is, she doesn't understand why/how she can be thought of as sexual

Maybe it's the friends your dss had, it can be very difficult if their group of friends is "advanced"

Oh come off it Cailindana, are you not going to tell your daughter when she starts drinking to be aware that some men may take advantage of her state of inebriation?

If someone thinks a 10 year old is a slut for wearing a certain top/skirt they think the 10 year old is being sexual, no matter how wrong that is. You can't undo that. What you can do is challenge society and hope for gradual change. But I am not putting my daughter into a position of criticism, in a position where boys her age may comment on how sexy she looks on Whatsapp etc at 10, and possibly having men around looking at her thinking if only she was 16 I'd fuck her.

Sorry not for me.

Yes I understand you want your daughter to fear men and change her behaviour to ensure they don't sexually assault her.

No they didn't care, but as I said above I never have been groped when wearing non-sexual clothing. And I don't wear sexual clothing very often. So it's not just random.

It doesn't fucking matter whether I think she is being sexual, it is what society think. That is the problem!!!! That is why I don't want her to wear it. Understand me yet??

I still don't get it. You think by wearing certain clothes your child is 'being sexual' even if she doesn't want sex?

So he listened, found out and took you home. Because he was a decent guy. I don't think the guys who groped you would have cared what age you were.

NO!!!!
you fail to understand

it happens, it is not right, if you are a child you don't even understand the concepts involved. I am not letting my daughter be sexual at a young age until she is old enough to understand it all. Warts and all.

OMG I don't ever remember being asked before being groped, and he never asked how old we were. He twigged we were at school from our conversation in the back seat.

So that was partially her fault, because she was drunk?

Yes raped, like Ched Evans.

Rufus, I know what my DSS and his female friends get up to on social media, and he never uses sexual language in front of his parents. We know because we caught him looking at some pretty degrading stuff and it was the tip of the iceberg. I wouldn't be so sure your daughter has no clue about this stuff. Because unless you are bringing up in isolation form other children her age she is probably doing a very good job of deceiving you.