Is my understanding of feminism wrong??

It's quite a big part of the point, Yonic. It still, wrongly, means the parents then split the risk of compromising their careers and there is a hell of a lot more to be done. But paternity leave sends a message that men are actually supposed to be interested in their children; it's a start!

NoTech Sorry I wasn't trying to imply that you would do that. I only expected to be flamed for my attitude if you see what I mean. I know that the FWR boards are unfailingly supportive to women who have been sexually or physically assaulted. (Regular lurker!)

Buffy (Welcome back btw!) I found your list very interesting. The 'innate differences' point struck a chord - it's one of those things that I struggle to verbalise for some reason. How much 'free will' people have in their particular circumstances is obviously a big variable.

The decisions I have made into life haven't always been 'conventional' but they were and are the correct ones for me. I do admit that I felt like I was pushing against what was expected by society (I've been celibate for nearly 15 years and have no children) but they were easy for me to make and stick to. I understand that it isn't that simple for everyone.

Oh this is another stream of consciousness Sorry, I find it hard to articulate exactly what I mean on this subject!

Not the point but both parents can now take equal time off after their baby is born.

Abbey I am not about to flame a survivor of rape for how they're living with that, I have no right to judge anyone... I am sorry that such a thing happened to you, and further sorry that your experiences have included flaming over it. That is horrendous.

You're right, we need people to take full responsibility for their own actions. Nevertheless we are all raised within the context of our society, we learn behaviours through experience, and somewhere some people are being taught that rape is an 'acceptable', or normal, element of our behavioural range. That's what I think anyway. That is not intended as an excuse for the individual at all, unless actually insane we all have choices. Where is the boundary between individual and society, hey Buffy have you academics measured it out yet ?

If people choose to have children, then they need to accept that employers may not be delighted by losing a valuable employee for a year at a time.

This, to me, is one of the very biggest feminist issues and the one that takes up most of my gender-equality thinking time.

The whole reason the above is true is that all our business practices and expectations around 'work' are structured according to a patriarchal Victorian assumption - that the worker's home, family and personal life is taken care of by other people (most of whom would be women.) This is what leads to all the angst about work/life balance - did you ever notice that the very phrase assumes 'work' excludes 'life'?

I wrote quite a bit about this on a thread last week so I won't again today. Upshot is that there are beginnings of a will to restructure work so that it doesn't exclude life, and increasingly global business favours the organisation that can be flexible regarding time.

Which feminists have described a woman as "wank fodder"? shock Was it on here?
I find it particularly offensive that this example of derogatory language has been brought up again. It comes from a thread where the OP was treated appallingly. A thread which was totally genuine in my opinion unlike some others. Also I don't think 'wank fodder' is a gender specific term anyway.

My personal thoughts are that feminism is actually quite a personal thing. It is about women being treated as equels, which to me means the right to choose. I would be slated if I wanted to be a 1950s style housewife waiting on my man and polishing the formica but I think to me, women should have the right to choose that if they want. Just because we now have the right and opportunity to have high powered careers doesn't mean we all want it.

personal issue atm, sorry!

I'm glad you had a good day NoTech! And thanks for not flaming me!

Just to say, I'm attempting to think about your reply Abbey & ta v much for it. I may have been celebrating a very good day so it's amazing I can type let alone think. It is good to hear other people's opinions.

Pathetic.

Yes, I did report, and was told that they wouldn't delete because I had already challenged you successfully. Poor form to ask, but not unexpected from you.

You continue to derail if it makes you happy, and it obviously does, however, do it in the sure knowledge that everyone sees you for what you are.

You have had feminism defined for you by people far more erudite than I, and yet you still pretend ignorance, I'm done. And just for info, it's Baking, you utter juvenile.

OP, sorry to have continued to derail. Unless the thread changes tack, I'll keep out. Lass does so enjoy having the last word.

I have never hidden when I have name changed.

I am not apologising to Bacon. despite your own opinion of the merits of dead naming (drama queens, an opinion I don't share) you couldn't resist giving me a ticking off for mentioning the former name. I wonder did you report me?

You are still not explaining why when in theory if feminist just means being in favour of equality the word is disliked by me and as we know from similar threads , many other women.

I think that's fair enough Abbey. I mean not that you're here looking for validation or anything but yeah. I have stuff I feel that way about too that others feel is very important.

It's interesting isn't it. I since a young teen just noticed that I was treated differently, didn't like it, got really upset and angry and embarrassed and so on when builders whisteled (sp?) and when people raised eyebrows about my interests, it pissed me off, I always noticed all that sort of stuff and I did not like, not one little bit.

I wonder why some people react in one way and some in another to the same situation. Well that's the breadth of human nature I guess but I still find it interesting!

You absolutely have done every single thing I said you have done. You've even caught yourself out a few times by forgetting to name change back! The only thing you've never done is put your hands up and apologise for deliberately lying, misrepresenting others and misquoting. Please stop lying, it makes you look desperate and unintelligent.

You also have no worries that anyone would ever mistake you for a feminist, Lass. That wasn't a compliment, btw.

Or, you could, as you sometimes do, name change and slag FWR off on AIBU or chat, by saying that we're all mean to you randomly and for no reason.

I haven't done that. I have when there are parallel threads running posted on both. As for apologising I apologise to Yonic. I misinterpreted her "off doing other things" as meaning I couldn't be bothered or didnt care about challenging JAPAB's nonsense.

As to why I posted on this thread I have explained at length why whilst agreeing with the basic fundamentals of equality, having fairly mainstream views on porn, abortion etc I do not call myself a "feminist" nor do I want that label put on me. Which is what the OP was asking about.