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Original poster

"Unfortunately you have gone through the menopause" - everyday sexism?

41 replies

Flingmoo · 11/06/2015 16:21

Everyday sexism...? Or am I being oversensitive?

DM is almost 50 and had a fertility/menopause test to find out if she's going through the menopause as she has been suffering from anxiety and wondered if that might be the cause. The GP called and told her "unfortunately" the test results show she is post menopausal. DM was baffled as she is certainly not intending on trying for a baby and didn't know why it's such "unfortunate" news...

I guess he was trying to be sympathetic but it annoys me that he made the assumption this would require sympathy? If anything, it's good news for her. If he'd looked at her medical file surely it would be clear that she had the test for a reason other than wanting to conceive?

I do understand some women might be hoping to conceive and the doctor has to be sensitive to their feelings, but isn't it really sexist to assume a natural part of womanhood is bad news, as if being post-menopausal means you're suddenly out-of-date? In case you can't tell, I was a bit miffed when she told me about all this.

Is this what I have to look forward to myself in 20 or so years time? 'Poor you, isn't it a shame you're no longer young and fertile?"

OP posts:
Original poster
Flingmoo · 11/06/2015 18:22

OP, was this diagnosis confirming your DM's suspicions about her anxiety being menopause related? Yes, without going into too much personal detail, yes it did confirm that. So the "unfortunate" thing and his grave tone still doesn't make that much sense to me. It's just a matter of fact. It's not like the tests revealed some kind of deadly disease Confused

If you go to the doctor because you feel sick, and they do a pregnancy test, they wouldn't tend to say "unfortunately you're pregnant", or "congratulations you're pregnant" for that matter... I can't understand why this should be different.

OP posts:
SenecaFalls · 11/06/2015 17:41

No, we don't. We especially don't celebrate those things in women.

PoppyShakespeare · 11/06/2015 17:33

it is a bit of a weird thing for a Dr to say but we don't really celebrate age and wisdom or experience in our culture do we?

AnyFucker · 11/06/2015 17:30

I don't see this at all

SenecaFalls · 11/06/2015 17:28

I am a bit confused. Isn't it still possible to experience some of the symptoms of going through menopause when one is technically postmenopausal? OP, was this diagnosis confirming your DM's suspicions about her anxiety being menopause related?

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 11/06/2015 17:16

Exactly, she was being tested to find out if the menopause was what was causing the anxiety, therefore it's unfortunate that she's post-menopausal because if it had been that there may have been options such as HRT. With this result they are no further on with finding out the cause.

SquigglyLine · 11/06/2015 17:07

I understand your point. There is nothing 'unfortunate' per se about menopause and there is a certain sexism to suggesting there is.

But I agree with the poster who said the doctor may have meant 'unfortunately we can't put your anxiety down to being menopausal as you have already gone through the menopause' i.e. we can't hope it will go away afterwards.

aintgonnabenorematch · 11/06/2015 17:06

Over - thinking it.

Original poster
Flingmoo · 11/06/2015 17:03

Okay, fair enough. I take your points.

But isnt it a bit similar to saying "unfortunately you've started your period"...? Making a bit of an assumption? Periods are terrible for some women, while for others they are an appreciated aspect of womanhood.

Nevertheless I do understand this is not a big deal, don't get me wrong, I'm not about to make a formal complaint or anything...! I know it's a minor thing. It was just one of those things that I felt a bit Hmm about.

OP posts:
SurelyNotEh · 11/06/2015 16:52

I know exactly what you mean and I agree with you. It's simply a fact, there was no need for him to make a value judgement about it.

AuntieStella · 11/06/2015 16:50

As you say it was a 'fertility/menopause' test, then I can see why it was put in those terms. Had there been no fertility test, it would be quite different.

SenecaFalls · 11/06/2015 16:44

I think it could definitely be sexist and ageist. It's a natural progression of womanhood. It's symptoms can be difficult for a while, but I doubt that was what the doctor was referring to.

StonedGalah · 11/06/2015 16:34

How is that sexist Confused

You are massively over thinking how this was delivered to your DM. I bet if he'd said 'good news! you're through the menopause' you'd start a thread in FM berating that too.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 11/06/2015 16:32

He probably meant sorry in the sense that what he had thought might be the cause wasn't and that he still didn't know what was.

BabyGanoush · 11/06/2015 16:30

You are being silly

MurielWoods · 11/06/2015 16:27

Erm, you are massively overthinking it.

I very much doubt that the doctor was concerned about her fertility.

He (if it was a he) was probably trying to be sympathetic regarding the onslaught of symptoms that can often accompany the menopause (anxiety, flushes, mood swings, exhaustion, loss of libido, increased risk of osteoporosis, heart disease etc)

Even in the complete absence of these symptoms or the desire to have more children, the diagnosis of menopause can still be a shock.