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Original poster

Chugger - "do you mean yes?"

63 replies

GinAndSonic · 02/06/2015 11:53

Am I being overly sensitive today?
I was approached by a chugger for a well known charity on a busy shopping street, im in a rush so i said no thank you, whoch he responded to with "do you mean yes?"

I was pretty annoyed, but i dont know if im being petty. I know they have a job to do but i dont see why he feels so entitled to my time that he would say that. It feels very "i can guilt the little woman into indulging me". Its plain rude if nothing else, to not take no for an answer, but just the phrasing of it felt awful. I said "what a horrible thing to say" and walked off. He then accosted me again as i left the sandwich shop i entered, to ask why i thought it was so horrible. I just sort of gawped and went "i cant think of a single situation where an.appropriate response to 'no' is 'do you mean yes?', its so disrespectful, and especially to say it to a woman who has said no to you" he apologised but i feel pretty pissed off that he felt the need to accost me a second time to ask me to explain myself.

Im not being a total arsehole here, am i?

OP posts:
partialderivative · 02/06/2015 13:17

I (truthfully) tell them that I do not pay UK tax.

Their interest in talking to me instantly vanishes

smoothieooo · 02/06/2015 12:46

YANBU. The 10 minute walk from the train station to my work is awash with chuggers and 3 separate Big Issue sellers. I'm always say a polite but firm 'no thanks' (I make a monthly donation to 2 charities of my choice so don't feel bad about this).

BUT in my head it sometimes makes me feel better to think of the pilot from the film 'Airplane' who, when approached by lots of different people starts with a 'no', then a shove, then a full-on punch and body toss!

CactusAnnie · 02/06/2015 12:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YonicScrewdriver · 02/06/2015 12:16

YANBU.

I do think it's good that you explained and he apologised, I hope this means he won't do it again. I don't think he should have cornered you into explaining though.

WickedWax · 02/06/2015 12:11

I think you were incredibly polite and I can't imagine this scenario happening to a man.

Original poster
GinAndSonic · 02/06/2015 12:08

Im not easily offended, but it stopped me in my tracks. I actually stopped mid stride and my jaw dropped. Ive heard lots of "oh come on, i only want a minute if your time" etc but "do you mean yes?" felt very uncomfortable. And THEN he came up to me again to ask me to explain myself. I was stood next to a wall, all of 5 foot tall, with this 6ft bearded guy in my way, wanting me to explain myself. That doesnt happen to men.

OP posts:
OydNeverDeclinesGin · 02/06/2015 12:04

I think you were very polite actually, I would have told him to fuck off the second time he approached me.
I've got no time for chuggers, it's morally ambiguous at best IMHO.

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 02/06/2015 12:03

peggy I would disagree.

I went out with my parents for the day during half term last week - me, Mum, my Dad and two small boys. All of us equally engaged with the children.

There were tons of chuggers around in the town where we were - unsurprisingly, it is an affluent area.

Not once did my father get accosted, Mum and I got stopped twice each. I don't look to be offended everywhere I go, but it really struck me.

Original poster
GinAndSonic · 02/06/2015 11:59

Thank you Alibabs, yes, thats exactly what i felt. He said it and i just stopped dead in my tracks, my jaw on the floor. I cannot imagine him saying that to a bloke. But even if he did, they arent living in a society where any refusal to accept a "no" is a threat upon your safety. I cant feel safe near a man who refuses to accept a "no" from a woman in any context.

OP posts:
slug · 02/06/2015 11:59

YANBU I've said something very similar (if with somewhat more fruity language) to a chugger in the past.

peggyundercrackers · 02/06/2015 11:59

but they don't just say this to woman, they say it to everyone who says no. sorry I don't see this as a feminism issue...

DarrellRiversGlintingEye · 02/06/2015 11:57

I don't think you're being overly sensitive or a total arsehole. Chuggers are a nightmare, I don't know how they get any sign ups at all. Even if he said it without thinking, it's a horrible thing to say - would you consider contacting the charity he was working for and advising them to tell their chuggers never to say anything like this again?
On a side note, I've also noticed that I get targeted way more by chuggers when I'm either alone, or walking with another woman - having a man with me is a great invisibility cloak Hmm

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 02/06/2015 11:56

No you aren't, it would piss me right off too. Firstly because it is rude, and secondly because it just smacks of 'no I don't want to have sex' 'don't you mean yes'. Yuck.

Personally I would ring the charity and complain - I did this once when a guy calling from Barnados launched into a big explanation of sexual abuse to me because I had a chance to say anything, they took my complaint very seriously.