Chugger - "do you mean yes?"

He got quite arsy and said there was no way of donating via the Internet hmm and that I had to give him my credit card details there and then

I just had a look at the British Red Cross website and it seems to me that either he was ignorant of the charity he was collecting for or else he was a conman.

Also on their website: 'The organisation that regulates face-to-face fundraising (PFRA) has a code of conduct that states that face-to-face fundraisers must "always end a conversation in a polite and respectful manner as soon as they are asked to". It also states that fundraisers should "never say anything that could pressure or harass people" and should "not use manipulative techniques." Our fundraisers follow this code.' Perhaps this code is country-specific but you'd hope that an international organisation would have similar rules in Germany.

'or when I had baby dd and her pram "I thought Mothers would care about starving children"'

I do, this one in particular.

I get stopped a lot too. I'm in Germany and have two under three with me most of the time.

I've been told I must be a selfish mother for not wanting to give to the children's ambulance. I cried at that one and have felt guilty for not donating ever since (I really didn't have the time that day!) Reading this now though, I feel quite vindicated, so thank you.

A man from Red Cross came to the house the other day. He said he came every year to the village and everyone was always very generous. He didn't recognise me though and wondered how long I'd lived here. I said we were new but nevertheless not interested in donating that way. He got quite arsy and said there was no way of donating via the Internet and that I had to give him my credit card details there and then. DS woke up from his nap, so I had a reason to tell him to leave, but again I felt really bad. Typing this now I feel like a fool and it could have been anyone.

'or when I had baby dd and her pram "I thought Mothers would care about starving children"'

Are you actually serious?! That's one of the cheapest, nastiest things I've ever heard. I wouldn't know whether to tell them to eff off or laugh in their faces. And hassling your daughter is disgusting.

Every single time I go into town I get stopped, I changed my route but they still get me. Now I out my phone to my ear and pretend to be talking. That will only work until someone phones me and gives my game up :)

Dh does get stopped a lot too, but his "nah, mate" is met with a "no worries" wheras my "no thank you, I'm in a rush" is met with "it'll only take five mins" if they are being polite but usually it's "what can be so important that you can't spare five mins for starving children? etc" or when I had baby dd and her pram "I thought Mothers would care about starving children" dh prob gets stopped as much as I do tbh, but once he's said no, that's the end of interaction. He also doesn't get winked at either.

I've not told any to fuck off yet but it's a matter of time as they've started addressing dd (10) when she's with me, saying things like "isn't it sad some children in the world are not as lucky as you?" "You're so lucky to have a mum who looks after you, what about children who don't?" Dd already gives some of her pocket money for Sponsor a Girl, and I have a couple of direct debits to various charities, I don't need or want to be shamed into giving more when I'm trying to get from a to b.

Gin - YANBU, but well done for giving him such a coherent response instead of spluttering, which is what I'm sure a lot of us would have done.

Dognado- everyone. Obviously not everyone uses it to stop people to ask them for money.

Chuggers just use a form of profiling to decide who to stop I'm sure. Same as everyone else. Doesn't mean it's right tho

Who else?

Actually, OP didn't give him an opening to discuss the charity and he didn't discuss it with her when she came back out.

For what it's worth, I can't see how the exchange 'no' / 'did you mean yes?' works on any level between a woman and man, except as a rape innuendo. I mean, I suppose someone could say it without meaning that, but it would be complete gibberish. For the sake of full disclosure, I am male.

I'm not trying to defend him, all I'm saying is he was looking for an opening to start a conversation which the OP gave him.

Chuggers just use a form of profiling to decide who to stop I'm sure. Same as everyone else. Doesn't mean it's right tho

That's an incredibly bad taste 'lighthearted' remark. And would only be said to a woman I think.

I mean, everyone's familiar with 'she meant yes'. I guess the chugger didn't think about it, but he was basically making a rape joke at your expense.

Then again, I'm tempted to make my own bad taste joke comparing chuggers to rapists, so maybe I'm no better.

ProfYaffle, I was just about to post that I found chuggers were at their very worst when I had a small child in a buggy, your post just confirms my suspicions.

This thread has made me put my finger on why I loath being approached by (mostly male) chuggers so much. For years I worked in a job where I'd travel back late at night by train and walk the half a mile home through the town centre. Monday through Wednesday was normal fine, apart from Christmas time, but Thursday through Saturday I rarely got home without drunk men thinking it was ok to approach a lone female and make unpleasant/sexual/intrusive comments. Often they'd step directly in front of me so I couldn't avoid them, of follow me along the street getting increasingly annoyed as I ignored them, although why they felt I should politely reply to things like "you'd be pretty if you got contacts" or "are you a lesbian, because you look like one" I don't know. Of course this was usually followed by "I'm just having a laugh you miserable cow" when I didn't rise to the bate.

I've just realised The chuggers feel like a sanctioned version of this, let's stop women in the street and intimidate them, but instead of it all being "a laugh, banter" it's all for charity so it's ok .

And she did walk off, mide, after saying "what a horrible thing to say"!

I can well believe some people get approached a lot more than others and some of those are men.

A man saying "does that mean yes?" to a woman who has said "no" sounds like a punch line to a bad sexist joke, whether it was said by a chugger, a man offering her a drink or asking her on a date, a man offering to sell her a pack of crisps with her sandwich etc.

Just discussed this with DW. When in the UK, I seem to get targetted just as much, if not more than her.

Maybe I look a soft touch

'I meant by replying to his "does that mean yes?" Question'

That was a disgusting thing to say and he deserved to be challenged on it.

I don't particularly see this as a feminist issue.

I'm 5'2" but look very officious and not particularly user friendly. Husband is 6' but if he's not in smart work mode looks far more approachable than me. And consequently gets stopped more than me. I hardly ever am asked.

I meant by replying to his "does that mean yes?" Question. If OP had just carried on walking ( which I understand would have been hard to do) he wouldn't have been able to converse further.

I would really love to know how much money charities actually make from using chuggers to sign people up (ironically I work for a charity that does this but trying to get an answer for this question seems to be impossible for someone low down in the organisation ).

Are there any statistics available?

Mide, he asked if she was interested and she said "no". That's not giving him an opportunity to start up a conversation. He then used a dubious phrase to try and push a women a foot shorter than him into talking to him after she'd said no.

I agree with Peggy. I can totally understand why you were upset but chuggers are just sales people. They are looking for an opportunity to strike up a conversation. Which to be honest you gave him.

That doesn't excuse his behaviour and if you are that offended then you should complain.

I got stopped by a Chugger once with the words "They tell us to talk to women with prams, can I talk to you?" I just went and walked past but he was probably telling the truth about being told to target women.

I would feel the same OP. Completely inappropriate and offensive. And you're right - this would never ever happen to a man. And I doubt they do they smiley, flirty, jumping into your path thing to men either.