Men who feel the need to police what women say

Case in point - TBR wouldn't like that comment, even though the other poster did. It is up to individual women to decide how they feel about situations like that. It is not up to men to just throw out compliments and assume women will be ok with it - they might be, they might not, because hey they are humans with feelings, not things to be commented on because they are "pleasing to your eye."

Generally a good rule of thumb for you Yops would be "would I do this to a man?" If not, think why not and if it's because a man would be annoyed, embarrassed, find you weird, whatever, then think about why a woman wouldn't also be annoyed embarrassed, find you weird. We are humans. Treat us the same as you would treat men.

Yops, your original post was this:
"On the issue of your dad, I think are being a bit harsh on him. There is another discussion on FWR about 'Hot Feminism', and the subject of unsolicited male compliments came up. Two FWR posters (as opposed to trolls) were discussing how an old chap in his 70's had made a comment about said poster's attractiveness. He was forgiven on account of his age, and the incident was described as 'sweet'. By a feminist.

My point is that we cut old people all sorts of slack, all of the time, in all sorts of situations, based purely on their age/generation. Doing this has not changed your dad, or how he fundamentally views the world. Not everything is part of a patriarchal conspiracy."

Your implication was, that because one feminist found an old man who complimented her "sweet" then the woman in the current thread should go easy and cut her dad some slack purely due to his age. This is a strange and nonsensical assertion for a few reasons:

1. An old man complimenting a woman is not comparable to someone's dad letting her down by not defending her against a rude and aggressive relative and I can't see how you make the connection between them simply because both men are older.
2. Feminists are not bound by a particular set of rules. It is not the case that every single man who compliments a woman in public is at all times to be hated and vilified. In fact, in a strange turn of events, feminists believe that it is up to the woman herself to state how she feels about an interaction and if she feels it's "sweet" then great, she's had a nice interaction with a nice person. A man, of any age, making a genuinely nice statement in a friendly manner is a world away from a man, of any age, shouting at a woman on the street. For context for others reading, the poster in question was at the supermarket and reached for something at the same time as a man in his 70s. She opened a conversation with him by saying "Oh sorry I'm in the way" and he replied "a good looking woman is never in the way." It was a cheesy comment but any normal person can see that it was a kind reply to a kind opening comment. It was not a man shouting "nice tits" on the street.
3. Just because this particular poster found this interaction sweet doesn't mean all women would find it sweet. Because, strangely enough, we are individuals. So one woman finding this particular interaction sweet does not mean as you say that you can now "compliment women randomly if they are pleasing to my eye Just because I want to? How you would conclude that is beyond me. Randomly complimenting women is not the same as giving a cheesy but sweet reply to someone being polite to you. Plus, one woman thinking it's ok doesn't mean all women in the world think it's ok. But those things should be obvious to you, and I'm wondering why they're not?

I am not being obtuse. I am surprised, if I am honest, that you disagree. The discussion in question was an old chap being helped in a supermarket, from memory. A woman helped him. He complimented her on her appearance. He could have said, 'you are kind/thoughtful/considerate' etc etc. He chose to mention appearance, which from my understanding, is not considered cricket within feminism.

Now you are telling me that, because he is being nice, it's okay? Is that what you are saying - just so we are clear here.

Yops you are clearly an intelligent person so I don't know why you come on these threads pretending to not understand the most basic of things. Do you genuinely want me to explain this to you? I will if you do, on the off chance you really don't get it.

Cailin, I understood that, compliment or not, passing an unsolicited comment on a woman's appearance was verboten. She isn't there to 'brighten up his day' or whatever else is spouted. Even if he means well, it shouldn't be done. It is said because the recipient is a woman, just as in the OP, it was written because she was a woman. The gender is not incidental, it is the factor that leads to the comment. Surely that is why it is wrong.

Or should I compliment women randomly if they are pleasing to my eye? Just because I want to?

*what he said. What is whag, phone?

Just to be clear, I didn't mean you should follow your dads suggestion of letting it go. More that I didn't feel you should rule your dad out of supporting feminism based on whag he said. I mean, it could be a good discussion to have with him and a chance for him to understand where you're coming from with it, as yeah he maybe didn't see it that way- as I think a lot of men don't. And I don't entirely blame them for that, given the world we all live in.

Yops, cutting an older person some slack for saying something a bit inappropriate but basically nice and well-meaning is an entire world away for cutting a person slack for being a nasty shithead directly to you all over facebook, or for defending said nasty bastard. Compliments are absolutely not the same thing as a telling off and you know that.

That's all wrong! I have big spiders pencilled in from late August until October, that's it! They don't get May.

Unfortunately I have casual sexism penciled in for every month of the year.

Yes, Lumpy, it's because they are all gravid with billions of ickle baby spiders.
Mwhahahahhaha.

I may be missing the point spectacularly but big spiders, at this time of year?

'Sorry Uncle, I have been picking up too many bad words from your sons account. I will try to be be more ladylike in the future and trust your endeavours to craft your son into a proper gentleman will gain pace.'

Not a conspiracy (not this one anyway). A set of cultural assumptions that need challenging if they are ever to be overturned.

On the issue of your dad, I think are being a bit harsh on him. There is another discussion on FWR about 'Hot Feminism', and the subject of unsolicited male compliments came up. Two FWR posters (as opposed to trolls) were discussing how an old chap in his 70's had made a comment about said poster's attractiveness. He was forgiven on account of his age, and the incident was described as 'sweet'. By a feminist.

My point is that we cut old people all sorts of slack, all of the time, in all sorts of situations, based purely on their age/generation. Doing this has not changed your dad, or how he fundamentally views the world. Not everything is part of a patriarchal conspiracy.

expecting you to protect his uncle I should have said, sorry. If your dad's been brought up with that environment he will know that you just can't win sometimes.

I know the feeling of 'oh NO not you TOO' when a man you love says something crummy.

But in your dad's defence, I do think there's a lot men don't even think about, or have to think about, and it's forgiveable, I reckon, given the culture we all live in, that they get it a bit wrong sometimes. For me an ally isn't someone who always does everything perfectly in tune with feminism - especially with feminism having so many branches! - it's someone who's supportive and willing to think about it all.

Like you said he may be seeing it as a respect for elders thing, or just a keeping the peace thing, rather than a submitting to men thing. And whether or not he's right about that, it's a bit of a 'failure without intent' - or I think so anyway.

Hope this isn't too unclear, need
a coffee.

I don't know you or your dad but do you not think that your dad's reaction could be more of a 'try not to let it bother you' approach than 'expecting you to protect his brother'? Obviously the wrong approach, but not actually complicit.

He may have found that it's easier to ignore his birth family than try to change them.

"That fucker was bigger & hairier than my cunt and would gobble his pathetic little dick as a snack"

GOOD TIP, I HEAR YOU REGULARLY WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT WITH NIGEL FARAGE'S JIZZ!

roomofsilver.

"That motherfucker was bigger and hairier than my cunt and TWICE AS SCARY."

your dad is right.

you should correct and edit the FB post

that isn't even good swearing

"it was as fucking big and hairy as the FUCKING pussayyyyyyyyyyy you fucking brethren. LIKE IF YOU ARE FUCKING READING THIS!"