Just a bit of a question not a judgement about the boards

Cross post.

pag, at risk of sounding like more of the Borg, I thought your post was a fair summary, and I don't very often see you round here so I can't see you being in on any (fictional?) group tactics.

lala, the OP didn't say it was a support thread - I think she did claim she wanted to debate (it's in the title of the thread).

If you want a support thread, have you tried the pub?

I use MN via active convos. I'm not part of a group tactic.

I just spotted this thread and don't really understand what the intention of the thread is.
If posters have an issue with posting styles on relationships why not post the criticism there or in site stuff?

I do want to add that, in all fairness and with all sincerity, that since this is a thread for solidarity and support for feminists and not a place for debate and bringing in problems or criticism of aspects of accepted feminism that surely there is a way to make that more clear without these types of recurring altercations. But that is, of course, not up to me.

I'm not going to upset myself anymore or draw any more attention to myself by posting on Feminism at all again , period. My views (and many are very strong and based on my specific outlook . . . plus I don't feel the deadly seriousness about all aspects of it that many here do) are really not in sync with the majority in dealing with overall theory. I don't like making a spectacle of myself and have no desire to constantly go against the flow of a conversation. Perhaps there really is a huge divide between cultures and experiences, so that my opinions and beliefs have no meaning for the posters here, anyway.

FFS disingenuous much? You're obviously talking about AF and your attitude is disgusting.

Yup, lala, we are the Borg. We can't even go to the loo separately, that's how meshed our tiny ladybrains are.

I don't see what the OP, or any of our replies, has to do with 'academic feminist theory'. Is 'LTB' super-secret Harvard jargon? I don't think so.

The issue is the OP is bent on ignoring anyone who doesn't recognise her covert digs (which I didn't), and doesn't want a general debate. She's only replying to people who've sussed she wants to make a personal attack, and that makes for a pretty unpleasant thread.

If she wanted a general debate, she could've had it.

OP, sorry you've had to endure all the personal attacks. Just try to keep in mind that the posters are not acting as individuals; you're dealing with a "group" tactic -- which employs known (but still hurtful) techniques. Feminism chat is, apparently, only for adherents to academic feminist theory and its specific vocabulary and politics and not a place for "outsiders" who (foolishly) believe that they themselves are feminists!

On here you can't bombarded or derail a thread by taking up an issue without being deleted.

Would that it were so...

I'm confused too, but my thoughts on relationships boards.

When I first joined mumsnet, about 9 years ago I think, the honesty on the relationship boards, I found very helpful, I've not started threads on there, but sometimes, something will be posted that happens in my marriage, and because posters say the honest truth, it helped me to gain confidence to speak to dh about things that bother me. If everything was "maybe hi didn't mean it" type comments, I'd just accept things and not try to change anything. I've learned it's ok to have my own boundaries and limits, and that has been invaluable.

OP when you said "a certain poster" it does look you are talking about a specific person, which is unfair.

I have just read the thread and I don't really understand the point you are trying to make.

As a general principle I think if you object to the tone of a board the best response is to articulate your issues when the posts that bother you are made. A thread criticising tone is ultimately a bit pointless.

I also think your post is hard to understand because you are struggling to just openly say what you really mean. I suspect that is because it would involve criticising individual posters so you are trying to speak in generalities when your irritation is privately quite specific.
But I may be wrong.

you're quite blatantly having a go at Anyfucker

Kiss of death OP, you'd be better off hiding this thread & going about your MN business as if it never happened.....

Bloody hell, you're quite blatantly having a go at Anyfucker. Christ only knows why .

And if you are a regular on the Relationships board then you're on a namechange now. So you've done that to attack and sneer at other posters. And you've chosen a different area of the site to do it on. Cowardly.

Did you think by posting here and saying 'I'm a feminist' that other feminists would automatically agree with you? Because I'm not sure you understand how feminism works. You say women should support one another. What, in everything?

So if a woman starts a racist/disablist thread on AIBU we have to agree just because she's a fellow woman?

And for what it's worth the Relationships board was a massive help to me when my ex ended things with me. The people there (including Anyfucker) were fantastic and very supportive. And it was difficult to listen to such blunt advice at times but there was mostly hand-holding and listening while I poured out my grief and vented my anger.

You know this site isn't compulsory, don't you?

I don't think it is fair to name Anyfucker.

I looked at her recent posts on relationships. She's being blunt because the OP is being gaslighted. I don't think there is a non blunt way to point out gaslighting.

FGS you've already attacked AF overtly, don't start using passive aggressive "ooh, a certain poster" formulations to attack her, it's too late for that.

Right, so what you seem to be saying is that uniquely on Mumsnet, by having threads in the relationship section which are full of differing tones and advice, that's not helpful or supportive to women who should only be presented with one tone when proffering advice?

I know I'm oversimplifying wildly. But really, unless you can explain that better, that's what it seems to boil down to - that you don't like the fact that women tell other women to LTB when in RL, they can't just up and leave. Just because something isn't currently doable doesn't mean it will always be undoable.

But really, to be very frank OP, this is beginning to look like a thread started purely and solely to take issue with AF about what she posts on the relationships boards. If you have a beef with her, take it up with her on the relevant thread. Sorry if I'm reading too much into this but people have asked you several times now to explain what you mean and you've posted several times and still no-one's the wiser. And now you've finished it off with some "certain poster" PA shite and it's nearly midnight so I'm off to bed. Good night.

I'm not going to engage with you when you appear so keen to disparage other posters on here, no matter how oblique your attempts to do so. I suspect others are refusing to engage for similar reasons.

If this is about the relationships board, wouldn't it make more sense to have it on the relationships board?

Something along the lines of recognising that there are huge barriers to women being able to leave relationships, and going over the advice women's aid gives, and asking people's opinions on how women can support women who have significant barriers to leaving?

I think bringing it off the relationships board and on to another board could make it seem quite conflict driven against regulars on there. It isn't like AIBU which somehow feels more 'public.'

But I was just following up your last post! Surely it's OK on here to ask a question about feminist analysis?

Hope you're ok, blistory.

Also feeling dismissed and belittled by this thread, and not sure why.