Just a bit of a question not a judgement about the boards

I was just wondering if anyone had come across responses to various threads in which they thought "What on earth!?"

Yes, yours, OP.

Are you aware that there's a bit of a disconnect between what you seem to think you are posting and what you are actually posting ?

Personally, I find AF one of the most sensible and helpful posters on MN. I can't tell whether you're complaing anout her or praising her, op. TBH, I can't really tell what your actual complaints are.

But wait so you said if there was one poster you were singling out it was Cogito who you think is great. But in the post where you said there was a specific poster you had in mind you said they were all about LTB and you didn't think that was helpful.

I've been trying to compose a post but I'm pretty much exactly where Almond is- I agree there's a conversation about thinking before posting/posting with a wider picture in mind, and that could be interesting. Though I don't think it's necessarily always about feminism as much as general thoughtfulness. I'd also agree with fuckyouchris that sometimes a straight answer can be helpful or indeed just what's needed.

But I'm not entirely sure whether that's actually what you're getting at and don't want to get involved in something that goes tits up.

This thread isn't an attack on the relationships board nor is it an attack on an individual poster.

Ok, but what is it then, please?

There are twats in RL and twats on t'interweb - one could argue more twats as it's all anonymous and safe to hide behind a NN. Some people seem to take that as licence to be nasty/provocative/unhelpful.

I think a lot of posters (me included) simply didn't/don't understand what you want to discuss.

Maybe regroup, clarify your thoughts, and try again.

"I don't understand the OP and 4 pages later I still don't! !

What is the question OP?"

Well, quite!

#twatgate.

I'm feeling a bit 'all I said was that bit of halibut is fit for jehovah'

I'm not sure what's going on except pagwatch has unwittingly joined the feminist hive mind.

What a weird thread

I think that the NC and the LTB can be very empowering to hear. If you have the choice to go no contact but decide not to, then you are choosing that route. You're not trapped, you have other options, but you are making a decision and taking control of your contact with the difficult person.

Likewise with LTB, you are given permission to go. In a society where women are expected to suck it up and put everyone else first, people are told that their happiness matters. And if they decide to stay and give things a go, then they are doing it in the knowledge that that is their own choice. They could leave, but they're choosing to try something else.

I think women can feel trapped by what is expected of them. Being given permission to give their own needs importance is invaluable.

The most mysoginistic posts I see on here are the, "oh bless him! You know what men are like!" rubbish. I like men, I have great respect for the men in my life and I treat them as though they are competent, whole human beings :)

I'm not sure of the point of this thread, I don't understand the venom being thrown at certain posters on the Relationships board, but I've decided to say my piece anyway :) so there you go.

[boggle]

How do you leap from 'criticise posters' to calling someone a twat?

Can you not post saying' I disagree with what you have posted and feel it is indicative of a tendency on this thread to .....''

What on earth makes you want to assume that I am telling you to personally attack posters?

I still believe this is possibly a huge misunderstanding.

OP, on the one hand, you seem to want to discuss how we can support women online in a feminist way. That's a topic that interests me, but I'm still not sure what points about feminist support you are trying to make. I think you want to discuss something more widely than the relationship board and LRB, but I'm not sure what.

On the other hand, you've made a few posts about it being one particular poster (unnamed) and at one point named AnyFucker. So now I'm not sure if you mean AnyFucker, or you are about to reveal who this one poster is, and then I'm contributing to a complaint thread about some other person. Either way, I'm uncomfortable.

And that is where the confusion arises. And if you didn't mean to single people out, and I still think that probably wasn't your intention, somewhere along the line you kind of have, and that has maybe ruined the prospects of this now turning into a useful discussion of whatever your point was.

Nope, I don't understand the question either.

'Internet forum mainly used by women tends to give advice slanted towards feminism' - well, hold the presses!

To be fair I find plenty of anti-feminist stuff on MN too, from ingrained societal presses (see the pint of beer thread) to v frankly misogynistic threads.

If you find the advice on Relationships unhelpful or you don't need relationship advice, then why take issue what is being said there? I don't understand.

I have frequently thought 'what on earth?!' when reading something here, but that may have been in shock, in horror, in amazement or in delight, so again, I don't see how that is a problem.

Hmm, that's a bit slippery tbh.

The point I was making is that you have a problem with posts on the relationship board.
My question is why do you not raise that there?

2nd post a personal attack?

I think you need to read the MN guidelines on what a personal attack is.

Asking a perfectly valid question about why this topic is here, isn't a personal attack, unless you phrase it something like "Why are you a poo-headed moron?" In this instance, it's actually reasonable because as so many posters have said, no fucker actually knows what the bloody thread is about or what the OP wants to discuss because she's been so circumspect about it.

Personal attacks is when you personally insult someone. Mumsnet have actually been quite clear that you have to specifically insult specific posters (which is why so many goady fuckers get away with saying personally insulting things about generalised" mumsnet feminists" on a regular basis). That second post is not a personal attack, but if you genuinely believe it is, by all means report it to MN and see how far you get. I've reported far more insulting stuff than that and been told it's not a PA.

What is the second post on this thread if not a personal attack?

"OP, sorry you've had to endure all the personal attacks. Just try to keep in mind that the posters are not acting as individuals; you're dealing with a "group" tactic -- which employs known (but still hurtful) techniques."

The OP hasn't been the subject of personal attacks. She's been criticised for personally attacking another poster, sometimes overtly and then covertly.

It is really shitty to imply that people are acting in some sort of conspiracy to pile on. People are expressing their individual views and if they happen to agree with each other maybe it's because the reason they agree on so much is er... because they individually have come to the same conclusion.

No-one's using any fucking tactics or techniques, it's an outright slur to use that expression. Deliberately. Using slurs is a tactic or a technique btw.

I don't understand the OP and 4 pages later I still don't! !

What is the question OP?

A couple of things strike me. One is that there is already a very nuanced, helpful and informative thread running at the moment on the relationships board (with a lot of input from people who've managed to escape from abusive relationships) about the shortcomings of "LTB" when not supplemented with other advice. The consensus seems to be what one should say is "what practical and emotional support would help you, in your circumstances, to LTB?" And sometimes the answers to this may be "there is nothing, because the system is so stacked against women in my position" (for instance a poster who feels like she can deflect her partner's physical violence onto herself and away from the children when she is there 24/7, but fears that if she left him, he'd get unsupervised access to them every other weekend and she feels she'd then be powerless to protect them). And the fact that the system is so stacked against her is a feminist issue.

But OP hasn't chosen to post on that thread, she's come over here to post vague and unsubstantiated complaints about the nature of other boards. Then had a go at an identifiable poster.

The other thing that strikes me is that MNHQ have come on to post their "ahem" message, but been noticeably absent from the horrible pile on thread which took place a few days ago, where a poster clearly in a vulnerable place, looking for a safe place to work through her issues, got an absolute kicking.

Yep, I flit around. This op is just a criticism couched as a debate. Why not go on to relationship and criticise the posters there - if that's what you feel you need to do.

I genuinely don't understand what the purpose is.