Just a bit of a question not a judgement about the boards

gordonramsayangry.tumblr.com/post/93878354179/volithia-my-thoughts-exactly

Nah, OP has flounced (at the third attempt).

I'm on holiday. Have very probably had too much gin. But I really don't understand your problem/point/issue OP.

Spit it out so that we can either tell you you're wrong or we can all agree with you and get on with the gin.

IME 'LTB' is hardly every actually said on Relationships - it is pointed out that nobody can change how somebody else choses to behave and that they can only chose to change their own response to a partner's abusive behaviour. And of course that often means to have to leave.
Other than that 'LTB' is quite a funny acronym when used on silly threads "DH likes purple ties, shall I LTB?" Chorus of "Yes, you must". I accept, I am easily amused.

And what Monagain said

I'll come right out and say it: Pag's a twat

Oh and: beautifully put, Momagain1.

I think the OP just likes being able to keep repeating "Pagwatch is a twat" in such a way as to avoid deletion. Which is kind of childish really.

My sister's a witch btw. And she does post on MN occasionally. Not on FWR though.

Surely if AF felt attacked, she doesnt need everyone else to derail the thread in her defense. Never noticed her to be incapable standing her ground.

Derailing is what gets me. I sometimes wish for a Reddit type system so I could closed down whole branches sidebattles between a pair or a few posters with issues over each others or the OPs phrasing. Arguments over barely connected subjects. And trollhunters.

The LTB crowd serves a useful purpose. OPs rarely come on here the first, second or 20th time they feel as if they have been treated wrongly. They come after they have tolerated and turned a blind eye and accepted the blame for Years. They come here when their spirit is making a last ditch effort to save their body, and they finally have trouble convincing themselves that things are fine, or would be if only they . Many of them have been socialised by being raised a girl in general, by bad parents, by a less than progressive collection of friends and relations and by their abuser to believe they must be in the wrong, and they cant do anything about it, especially leave. Being told, again and again and again that they are in a bad position and need to escape is what they need. If their abuser has isolated them they will consistently not find that support in RL.

Sometimes it seems like they are being told to leave over something trite. Sometimes they rise up and defend their dp and stomp off realising maybe they were overreacting to whatever incident, after they received such shocking advice they realised they werent in that bad a situation. I was in a support group at one stage in my life and that message was what eventually got through to me, the other women round the room, and their children, were suffering, really suffering due to the actions of their partners. My problems paled in comparison and my mountains were more clearly molehills, that I could deal with. But in other cases, the longer the thread goes on, more evidence of OP having twisted herself in knots for years comes to light. Eventually, a small number of posters remain with practical, real world advice on the technicalities and legalities of LTB.

In some cases, a few examples of partners beginning to behave differently during wedding planning come to mind, there may be women who are saved from getting trapped, by hearing the truth of other women who did.

Mob?

The Confused Collective, perhaps.

Fallen,

To be honest you clearly don't understand a single thing I am saying. You are quoting me out of context, I never at any stage suggested you were calling me a twat. I don't begin to understand how you can keep challenging me and taking issue (incorrectly) when my posts are not at all hostile.
It's pointless really.
I posted because I didn't really get the point you were making. You keep looking for everything I post to be argumentative.

Why is it always a witch hunt? I like witches, and wouldn't hunt them.

Ok, so none of us really understand the point you are trying to make (or point out the disconnect between what you may be trying to say and what is actually understood by all of us) and that constitutes a 'witch hunt'?

I think I'm going to leave it too.

Just read this and wtf??

ThEblackrider sums it up nicely, you've made several personal attacks on AF that are up there ^ in black and white, why deny it?

I think as social media is relatively new in the grand scheme of things, everyone is still learning how to conduct themselves on it, and dealing with the consequences of when things go wrong.

I haven't got anything particular on support, although I do get where you're coming from that if you've worked with vulnerable people, you advise knowing you are imperfect in the advice you, they are imperfect in their explanation of their issues, and the world they will act in is very far from perfect. So there's no point pretending things will be easy, as Lurcio discussed. But I also think in the specific instance of LTB, that can be very liberating to hear, even if difficult to actually carry out.

I have been reading some stuff about online (and offline) conflict in activism, which I found useful. You might find it relevant as some of it talks about accelerators - where person X says something person or group Y might not like, and a whole load of people attack person X who are not in group Y - accelerators. I don't know anything about the political beliefs of the man who wrote it, but some of what he says has been useful advice for me. The accelerators post is linked to after this introductory one:

fredrikdeboer.com/2015/01/29/i-dont-know-what-to-do-you-guys/

Then a lot of us piled in calling out the poster on her blatant unhelpfulness,

So it's okay to do it when you're in the right ?

Seriously, it's really difficult to follow the point that you're trying to make . There are posters who have tried to engage with you but the fact that no-one is making any headway should really highlight that there's a communication problem going on here.

Ah, at least you can see that.

Fallen, it's not a brick wall, really. It's just that, as Blistory says, there seems to be a disconnect between what you think you're saying and what you are saying.

Yes yes it is